


Inside Job

by GreenQueen86



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Cheating, Closeted, College, Confessions, First Love, First Time, Heartache, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Light Angst, Light Petting, M/M, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Mental Health Issues, Music, Musical References, Oral Sex, Outing, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:33:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 54,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24234361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenQueen86/pseuds/GreenQueen86
Summary: Jared is almost 18, a High School senior, when he meets Jensen on the bus. Jensen is 22 and a few weeks away from getting his Bachelor of Science in Kinesiology. They are both too shy to talk to each other, but Jared finds a way to slip Jensen his number.Jared hasn't dated yet nor has he figured out yet that he is gay and Jensen’s heart is still broken after his Boyfriend Austin broke up with him.Can they both make it work despite the age gap and Jensen’s broken heart?
Relationships: Chad Michael Murray/Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles/Steve Carlson/Christian Kane
Comments: 117
Kudos: 98





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second fic, and the first one that will have an actual story ;) The fic is loosely based on one of my own experiences.  
> When the stay at home order began, I was at home for 5 weeks and I found my old diary from when I was 17. I have read all 400+ pages and I found this memory and decided that it was time to share it.  
> When I was 18 I met a guy on the bus. I have never done something like that before and just knew I wanted to meet him again, so I slipped him a tiny paper with my name and number on it. We texted back and forth and met after 1 week. It was in November in Berlin, Germany. We walked through the city for 14-16 hrs until 6 am the next day. He became my first boyfriend but he wasn’t boyfriend material at all. He didn’t know what he wanted, would wake up too late for his physical therapist classes, smoked too much weed and he had a crazy Ex girlfriend who called him from the mental health clinic at 4 am, threatening to kill herself if he wouldn’t throw me out immediately!  
> I loved him with all my heart and really wanted this to work because he was one of the most gentle guys I had ever met.  
> I was sad, confused, alone. I would cry many times because I just didn’t know what to do.  
> He would forget about our dates or would leave when I was with him because he had to meet a friend, his brother, you name it.  
> I moved to another city to become a kindergarten teacher when I was 20. He got a new girlfriend and eventually moved to South Germany with her.  
> Those were the best and worst years of my life, but I wouldn’t wanna change it for anything in this world.
> 
> I will publish this fic chapter by chapter, working on the details as I go, so I don’t know yet how long it will be in the end.
> 
> Thanks to VampireLady for her excellent help so far!
> 
> \--- Here is the playlist for that fic. I am gonna update it as the story progresses.  
> [spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/47qyzbutET22otXXB6pnV3?si=EaPoZWb6TCGfldelwBavPg)  
> [youtube playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLZJmnJA8CKFpG78nUw0h5Q8KQ9QtiyQ7w)

****

**CHAPTER 1**

_“And I don't want to know your past_

_But together share the dawn_

_And I won't need_

_Nothing else_

_‘Cause when we're dead_

_We would've had it all”_

_(Pearl Jam /Parachutes)_

**April**

**_Friday_ **

**_Jared_ **

It is Friday and like every Friday, the end of the school day can’t come fast enough.

It’s April, so thankfully it is not too hot and a nice little breeze is going. The sky is blue with just a few white clouds. It looks like a painting.

Jared has plans for tonight, meeting his friend Chad at Bill Miller Bar B-Q and then hanging out at Chad’s house. Sweet, sweet Friday!

One of his classmates is giving him a ride, dropping him off at Randolph Park & Ride where he takes the 552. There is only one seat left and he sits down, facing the back of the bus. Jared puts his green backpack on his lap and starts to rummage in it to find his Mp3 player— he needs to escape the people around him. He finds it, puts on his headphones and searches for the song he really loves to listen to lately. “Wishlist” by his favorite band Pearl Jam.

_I wish I was the evidence_

_I wish I was the grounds_

_For fifty million hands up raised_

_And opened toward the sky_

His mind wanders: he sees himself at one of their concerts, singing his heart out. Unfortunately he is only 17 and his parents won’t let him go. Jared sighs. One day…

He slowly lifts his head after he puts away his Mp3 player and BAM!

He catches the sight of the most gorgeous face he has ever seen. The guy is wearing an anthracite-colored hat, a few strands of short brown hair sticking out. And OMG, those eyelashes! Long and black. Jared can’t take his eyes off of this magnificent face. The other man has freckles all over his nose and cheeks. A lot of beautiful freckles. Jared wants to touch them, count every freckle. And he has never seen a more perfect nose. Small, pointed. He then sees a mouth he wants to kiss right away. Full pink lips, perfectly outlined. Jared swallows hard. This guy’s face looks like it was made by a sculptor! Jared is not prepared for what happens next—the guy looks up, right into Jared's eyes, and Jared drowns in the most stunning emerald-green eyes he has ever seen. And then, the stranger smiles. Jared tries to smile back but it looks like a grimace, so he turns his head away and looks out the window.

He is torn between sneaking glances at the stranger and hiding underneath his seat.

He just now realizes that the bus is still waiting at the bus stop. He looks around to find out what the problem is. One of the doors won’t close, so everyone has to get off the bus as the bus driver calls for a replacement.

It takes about 15 minutes for the new bus to arrive. When Jared gets on the bus, the stranger is sitting right behind the driver and the seat next to him is empty.

This is Jared’s chance! He sits down next to him, taking off his backpack and placing it between his legs. When he looks up again, he looks at the Plexiglass in front of him. So does the stranger and their eyes meet in the reflection.

Jared can’t think straight. Is this really happening? Is this gorgeous creature really flirting with him? They exchange looks and smiles and Jared knows, he has to come up with _something_! He feels the adrenaline rushing through his body, he can hear the blood rushing in his ears. 

Jared is too hesitant and insecure to talk to the guy, so he does the next best thing—he bends over to grab a piece of paper and a pen from his backpack and writes down his number. 

He holds it in his hand the entire time they are looking at each other in the reflection.

Jared's heart is racing; he can feel sweat on his forehead.

The bus stops at Access Rd/Tesoro. His stop. He feels like he is going to throw up and he can’t even look at the handsome stranger as he gets up. 

From the corner of his eye he can see an extended arm next to him, hand open, palm facing up. Jared gathers all his courage and puts the paper in the stranger’s waiting hand, and then practically storms off of the bus.

As Jared stands on the sidewalk, catching his breath, he still can’t believe what he just did. Was it foolhardy or foolish? And why did it feel pretty normal to be flirting with a GUY?! Jared really tries to wrap his head around it.

He starts walking, inhaling deeply, trying to calm his nerves. As he arrives at Bill Miller Bar B-Q, Chad is already waiting for him. He decides to keep it to himself for now, even though he and Chad tell each other everything. But this is all too confusing. Jared’s head is still spinning.

Chad is waiting at the door and smiles as he sees Jared walking toward him. “Hey, Jay. What’s going on? You look like you are about to throw up. You alright?”

Jared tries to smile and answers, “Yeah, I guess so. Just very hungry. Let’s get inside.”

They both order a regular BBQ plate, like they do every time they meet, and sit down by the window. The food arrives in no time and they wolf it down, talking and laughing. It feels good for Jared to not think about the stranger too much.

They head out to Chad’s place at Blossom Drive as soon as they are done. Once they arrive, they go to Chad’s room, blasting Pearl Jam’s new album “YIELD,” singing along, playing air guitar and just being boys.

Jared forgets about the stranger.

It is close to midnight and Jared has to catch the last bus home. He grabs his backpack, hugs Chad goodbye and runs to the bus stop. He gets there just in time. Out of breath, Jared takes a seat in the back of the bus. He is putting his headphones on, closing his eyes, and sinking deeper into the seat when he feels his cell phone vibrate.

**_Jensen_ **

_What the hell was that?!_ Jensen can’t believe he is holding a piece of paper in his hand, with the phone number and name of the cutest guy he has ever laid eyes on. The guy is definitely younger than himself but has the most charming smile in the whole world! And that shaggy hazelnut-brown hair. Jensen can’t stop smiling! He was sad when he got on the bus because it was the last day of his internship at Texas Physical Therapy Specialist over at Selma. 

It was part of his spring semester curriculum during his fourth year at UTA, Jensen is only about 2 months away from getting his Bachelor of Science degree in Kinesiology as a part of becoming a physical therapist. He really clicked with the folks at Texas Physical and will miss them a lot.

So he wasn’t exactly in the best mood this afternoon, but that guy washed all of it away. That little grimace when he tried to smile at Jensen was so endearing. Oh, and his eyes. Jensen is pretty sure he has never seen amber eyes like his, with the outer ring being dark green. 

When they got on the second bus and the stranger just invited himself to sit next to him, he really hoped it wouldn’t end there. They sat behind the window of the busdriver and were shamelessly flirting in the dark-brown Plexiglass. They were both too shy to look each other directly in the eye, so this was as good as it could get.

And here he is now, sitting on the couch in his apartment at Exeter House Condominiums. Jensen reads the number and the name— _Jared._ He repeats it a few times and he really likes the sound of it. _Jared_ . He takes his cell phone from the coffee table, unlocking it. After putting Jared’s number in his contact list, he opens a new message. But what is he supposed to write? He has had countless one night stands and always leaves before the other guy wakes up, so this is completely new for him. He stares at the phone. _Jared_.

He starts typing. “ _Wow! I never had someone this cute giving me his number! Thank you. I’m Jensen btw._ ”

And before he can think about it too much and cop out, he hits send.

Oh Jensen, what have you done…

  
  


**_Jared_ **

Great, Jared has just gotten comfortable. He pulls his cell phone from his pocket and sees that there is a text message from an unknown number. What the… OH MY GOD! That has to be the guy from the bus! Jared's heart starts racing. He tries to take a few deep breaths and closes his eyes again. C’mon Jared! It is just a text message! 

He opens his eyes and unlocks his phone. He hesitates opening the message. “ _Wow! I never had someone this cute giving me his number! Thank you. I’m Jensen btw._ ”

Jared presses his phone to his chest, eyes closed. He whispers, “ _Jensen._ ” Mr. I-have-the-most-beautiful-green-eyes is named Jensen. And he texted him.

Jared lets out a relieved sigh and rereads the message. But now what? His head is completely empty. He just starts typing. “ _Hi Jensen, nice hearing from you. How are you?_ ” As much as he tries, he can’t think of anything cool or smart to say so he just hits send and hopes for the best. 

He buries his face in his hands. _Hi Jensen, nice hearing from you. How are you?_ Really?! He can’t take it back now. He is drained, confused, overwhelmed. He still hasn’t figured out why he suddenly likes guys. Or better— _this_ guy. 

He was never keen on girls. He likes to hang out with Chad, read, listen to music for hours on end. He never felt like he was missing out on anything.

And then Jensen happened. _Jensen_ …

His phone vibrates again. Another message from Jensen.

“ _Hey :) It was a shitty day really, until I saw you. I still can not believe you really gave me your number. Thank you for that :) You will never see me again on_ ”

Jared’s heart skips a beat. What? He meets the man of his dreams and just after 2 text messages, he tells him he will never see him again!? Wait, it appears that the last sentence isn’t finished. Jared deletes a few older messages. As soon as he is done, his phone is buzzing again. Jared holds his breath as he reads the second part. 

“ _that bus because this was the last day of my internship at Texas Physical. I am in my fourth year at UTA, going to get my B.S in Kinesiology”_

He lets out the air and smiles. He thought he was going to faint. So, his crush is going to be a physical therapist. Fourth year at UT Health. Jared does the math. Jensen must be 22, then. Jared’s facial expression goes from widened, cheerful eyes to a heartbroken, distant look. 22. When he tells Jensen how old he is, it will be over before it even began. But he does not want to lie. And if Jensen wants to stop talking to him, so be it. Jared will be upset and maybe even more confused, but at least he’s being honest.

Jared unlocks his phone again to respond to Jensen’s text. “ _Sounds cool. I’m a high school sen. Will be working next yr to find out what I wanna study. I normally don’t take that bus after school. Was meeting a friend._ ”

It will be another 30 minutes before he has to get off the bus. It’s after midnight and has been a long and exciting day. Jared closes his eyes again, thinking about Jensen and his emerald-green eyes.

**_Jensen_ **

Jensen just read Jared’s last message.

High school. Well, he didn’t really expect Jared to be that young, but he wants to keep an open mind. And thank you, unknown friend, for making Jared take _that_ bus today at the same time as he did.

Jensen hits reply. _“So you don’t live around here? I have my own apartment at Exeter House. Wanna hang out tomorrow?”_

He puts his cell phone back on the coffee table and leans against the back of the sofa, eyes closed.

He can’t help but already make plans for when he and Jared will meet. Could that possibly be a date? Jensen is not sure if he ever really dated someone—well, except for Austin. But Austin broke his heart and their relationship is very complicated. 

He tries to think of things Jared might like, but decides that it will be best if they just walk around, explore the neighborhood and see what happens. 

Jensen tries not to get too excited, because Jared didn’t answer yet and he might say no. Please, don’t say no. His heart starts to flutter. 

In his mind he is already running his hands through Jared’s soft brown hair and he smiles.

After what seems like a lifetime, his phone rings and he opens his eyes to check the message.

**_Jared_ **

“ _…Wanna hang out tomorrow?_ ” Jared is totally freaking out! His palms are sweaty, his ears are ringing. Jensen asked him if he wants to hang out. TOMORROW!! Is that a date? What is he supposed to do? Just say yes? He’s a total stranger. But Jared has already fallen for him and he feels like he cannot let another day pass without seeing Jensen again. He would probably chicken out, and then he might not get a second chance. He closes his eyes, mumbling, “You can do this Jay! You got this. He really wants to meet. Say yes! You will regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t even _try_!”

Jared tries to play it cool. “ _Yeah, sure. Why not. When and where?_ ” 

His hands are shaking as he closes his eyes again, leaning back into the seat. 

Jared is still totally puzzled as to why he is so attracted to Jensen. For god's sake, he is 17 and that has never happened to him before. When he is jerking off, he never pictures anyone in particular. So to say that he is surprised by his reaction is clearly an understatement. 

_Alamo & E. Sheridan— _he gets off the bus, turning right onto Sheridan St. It usually takes about 4 minutes for him to get to his parents’ house. But it is a beautiful night, the sky is clear and there are thousands of stars. Jared finds it fascinating because they represent so much. Stars are around for millions of years. They have seen everything, even though they are far away.

They give people orientation. People believe in them and whatever they may represent to them.

So Jared decides to just lean against one of the big old trees, watching the sky for a while. He needs time to think about what happened today. How he undoubtedly fell for someone for the first time in his life. Jared feels odd for not telling Chad about Jensen, because after all he is his best friend in the entire world. And he doesn’t doubt that Chad would be cool with it. But to be honest, Jared doesn’t even know if he is cool with it himself. It is really a lot to process. He takes a deep breath of the fresh night air and pushes himself off the tree. Suddenly he is having a hard time keeping his eyes open and just wants to lay down on his bed. He keeps walking on Sheridan St. until he gets to the corner of King Williams and takes a left turn. He can already see his parents’ house. All windows are dark, which is good. That way he doesn’t have to talk to his parents or his little sister Megan. He loves her, but she can be a bit nosy sometimes.

As he unlocks the front door and walks upstairs, he tries to be very careful not to step on the squeeky parts of the stairs. 

Jared goes to his bathroom, takes off his clothes and throws some cold water into his face. He shivers, but it feels good washing the day off. He changes into some clean boxers and falls onto his bed, crawling underneath the covers. Jared takes a last look at his phone—no new messages. He puts it on his nightstand and falls asleep seconds later, the moonlight shining on his hair and a tiny smile on his lips.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really getting into this and it is so much fun to bring these characters to life!
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this fluffy fluff and much as I did writing it.
> 
> Thanks again to VampireLady fro the great help <3

**Chapter 2**

  
  


_“And love_

_Wish the world could glow again with love_

_One can't seem to have enough”_

_(Pearl Jam/ Parachutes)_

Saturday

**Jensen**

Jensen fell asleep on the couch while waiting for Jared’s response. He wakes up at 4am, all stiff from his weird position. Jensen massages his neck because it really hurts from hanging over the back of the couch for so long. He gets up and stretches his arms over his head, rocking his head to each side to loosen the tension.

When Jensen looks down, he sees his phone on the coffee table. He bends down to grab it, pressing a button to see if he has a new text message.

Please!!! Let Jared say yes!

Jensen opens the message. “ _Yeah, sure. Why not. When and where?_ ”

He smiles from ear to ear and pinches the top of his nose! Thank you! Jared’s reply doesn’t sound too enthusiastic, but he said yes.

Jensen starts tapping on his thigh, humming with a smile on his face.

He lets himself fall back on the couch again, placing his head on the armrest.

Jensen just lies there for a while, quietly singing “Take the keys to my heart” from his favorite country singer, Garth Brooks. He does that when he gets very emotional. It doesn’t matter if he is ecstatic or upset, Jensen just has to sing or put on some music. It has always played a huge part in his life, with his mom playing the piano and his dad playing the guitar. He tried the piano, but he felt more comfortable playing guitar. There have even been a few occasions when he would sit down and write his own songs. Music is his therapy, his escape from the world around him. Even as a teenager, when Jensen got into an argument he would take his walkman, put on some heavy stuff like Metallica, and would just walk around outside or ride his bike. It really helped him to blow off steam and clear his head. He still does it on particularly bad days. 

Jensen hits reply and starts typing. _“Let’s say 4ish. I can pick you up at_ _Callaghan Station and we can go to Denman Estate Park._ ” This park holds a special place in his heart because, when things went downhill with Austin, Jensen moved to Exeter House and spent countless hours at that park. He would go there day or night and just walk around, letting nature calm him down.

Jensen’s family always goes to church, but since he doesn’t fully believe in the concept of only one mighty God he’s very drawn to the Moon Labyrinth. A spiraling pathway outlined by a low hedge, you enter it with a question or prayer and repeat it as you follow the path, walking slowly and taking deliberate steps. When you get to the center, you close your eyes in serenity. Calming down, your mind becomes focused and you might find some clarity.

Jensen walked down that path a lot when he ended things with Austin. He had so many questions after what happened—to Austin, to them, to him. He needed all the help he could get, but he also needed time to figure this out on his own. 

Getting up and walking over to his bathroom, Jensen decides to take a hot shower and then go back to bed. He undresses and leaves the clothes on the floor; he can pick them up in the morning. As he stands there, head hanging low, he just lets the hot water wash over him. “Take it easy, Jensen, this will be a nice afternoon at the park,” he murmurs to himself. “Don’t get too excited. You know how you ruin things for yourself and others when you get your hopes up too much.”

Jensen turns off the water, eyes closed, and wipes off his face. His entire body is covered in goosebumps when he steps out of the shower, so he wraps himself in a towel. 

Jensen walks into the living room, rubbing his hair and face dry, and throws the towel on the couch. He picks up his phone. 5:04am. No new messages. Jared is probably sleeping, which he should be doing too. Otherwise it will be a bad date, because a tired Jensen is a grumpy Jensen. 

He takes his phone with him, not turning on the lights when he walks into the bedroom. Jensen likes to sleep naked and the bedroom curtains are open.

He pulls the covers up to his chin, setting the alarm for 9:30am. He wants to clean up his place a bit, just in case Jared wants to hang out here, and he needs to shave. Jensen turns over onto his stomach and starts counting. Breathe in:1. Breathe out: 2. In: 1, out: 2. It takes him less than 2 minutes to fall asleep.

**Jared**

Jared blinks. It’s almost 9am and the sun is shining brightly into his room. He yawns, rolls onto his back and stretches his arms and legs. He stays that way, all of his limbs sprawled out, and enjoys the warm rays of sunshine on his pillow-wrinkled face. He sits up and looks out the window. Another promising spring day. Jared reaches for his phone to check for any new messages.

Two new messages. One is from Chad and one from Jensen. 

Jared reads Jensen’s message first and he squeals! 4pm at Callaghan Station. 

His mind is racing a mile a minute—he needs to shower, shave. What is he going to wear? How long will it take Jared to get there? Should he be 10 minutes early or 10 minutes late? Jared suddenly feels very sick and he can’t breathe. He is already freaking out! What is going to happen when he gets face to face with Jensen and has to talk to him?! His chest tightens, he breaks out in a sweat.

Jared is having a panic attack.

It is not the first time, so he knows what to do. Jared sits up straight in his bed and puts his hands on his stomach, breathing in, counting to five. He holds his breath for two counts, breathes out for five counts, repeating it for a second time. Jared tries to breathe normal again, his heart rate slowly dropping. He breathes in for five counts again, holds his breath for two counts, breathes out counting to five. 

Jared opens his eyes, wiping the sweat from his forehead.

He is well used to panic attacks, but he hasn’t had one in months. Some music would be good. Jared walks over to his stereo and puts on Pearl Jam’s “Present Ttense”.

The instruments are reduced to the absolute necessary; Eddie Vedder’s voice is very calm.

_Do you see the way that tree bends? Does it inspire?_

_Leaning out to catch the sun's rays… a lesson to be applied..._

_Are you gettin' something out of this all-encompassing trip?_

He takes a few steps back and sits down on the edge of his bed. Eddie continues singing as Jared looks out of the window.

_You can spend your time alone redigesting past regrets, oh..._

_Or you can come to terms and realize_

_You're the only one who can forgive yourself, oh yeah..._

_Makes much more sense to live in the present tense…_

Jared concentrates on the tree outside his window. The leaves are moving in the wind. A bird lands on one of the twigs and it doesn’t take long before a second bird lands next to him. Jared can hear them chitter through the small opening of his bedroom window.

_Have you ideas on how this life ends?_

_Checked your hands and studied the lines?_

_Have you the belief that the road ahead ascends off into the light?_

_Seems that needlessly it's gettin' harder_

_To find an approach and a way to live…_

His heart rate is back to normal. Jared smiles as he sees the two birds billing. His jaw muscles relax.

_Are we gettin' something out of this all-encompassing trip?_

_You can spend your time alone redigesting past regrets, oh..._

_Or you can come to terms and realize..._

_You're the only one who cannot forgive yourself, oh..._

_A-makes much more sense to live in the present tense..._

The instruments are building up and Jared starts to move his head and upper body along to the music, mouthing the words Eddie Vedder sings.

When the song fades, Jared gets up to get his phone. He still needs to answer Jensen. “ _Okay, will meet you at Callaghan Station at 4._ ”

Jared should probably eat something, but just the thought of food makes him nauseous. And there is still Chad's message. “ _Wanna hang out at the pool today? We will be having a bbq._ ”

This is just great. Now Jared has to lie to Chad as to why he can’t come over today. “ _Sorry, can’t. Have a shitload of homework to do._ ” Okay, that was easier than he thought it would be. It still feels wrong to actually lie to Chad. Yesterday he was just not telling him about Jensen, today Jared is deceiving him.

Jared hopes that a shower will loosen the knot in his stomach. He goes through his entire beauty routine—scrubbing his face with a konjac sponge, using his fancy hair conditioner. Jared is even shaving his armpits and he has no idea why.

And to top things off, he uses his macadamia body butter. He just loves the soft and nutty scent. 

When Jared is done shaving, he stands in front of his closet and knows that it will probably take forever to decide what to wear. He tries on several t-shirts and button-down shirts and soon there is a huge pile of clothes behind him. After an hour Jared decides on wearing one of his Pearl Jam shirts. Black, with the white stickman and Pearl Jam written in red. He slips into a dark green pair of cargo shorts, the one with the holes at the leg seam. Those are the most comfortable pants he owns. 

2pm already. Jared has one hour before he has to leave. He makes sure his Mp3 player is fully charged. Jared goes through the stack of books on his nightstand. He pulls out “Along Came a Spider” by James Patterson—the perfect mix of love story and murder.

Jared shoves it in his backpack, taking one last look in the mirror, and walks downstairs. 

He puts on his black Converse and, as he heads out of the door, his mom’s head pops out of the kitchen. “Oh, hi son. Where are you going?” 

Jared tries hard not to break out in a sweat, because he is about to lie again. “Going to Chad’s. They put up the pool and are having a BBQ later. Might stay overnight.” 

Sherri just says, “Okay, have fun.” She watches him as he walks down the driveway, but he just keeps walking.

Jared, Jared. Two lies in one day. Don’t let that turn into a habit.

He steps onto the street and pulls his Mp3 player and headphones from his pocket. Something he always does because he can’t be alone with his thoughts. 

Jared is really looking forward to meeting Jensen, but he is also extremely nervous. 

He has never done something like this before, let alone date someone he knew.

Panic is rising. Jared’s palms are getting sweaty again. He stops and wipes his hands on his pants and concentrates on his breathing. Inhaling—one, two, three, four, five. Exhaling—one, two, three, four, five. 

If he only knew that Jensen is just as nervous as he is…

**_Jensen_ **

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.

Jensen tries to open his eyes, but all he manages is to squint. What is that terrible sound? He turns over and realises that the sound is coming from his alarm clock. Jensen hits the button and turns the alarm off. Does he have to work? What day is it?

He sits up, rubbing his eyes. Jensen slowly remembers. It is Saturday, he doesn’t have to go to work. He wanted to hang out with Jared. Jared!

He grabs his phone—one new message. Jared wants to meet him today! Jensen’s smile widens and he jumps out of bed and does his happy dance. It takes him about 30 seconds and some applause from outside to realise that he is dancing in front of his bedroom window. Naked. 

Jensen grabs both curtains and shuts the audience out. Usually he would be totally embarrassed by that. But not today. He just laughs and keeps dancing to the song that plays in his head.

Jensen walks into the living room and turns on the radio. “... _80.6 and no chance of rain…”_ This is gonna be a great day. He walks over to the kitchen to get some cereal and milk. Jensen grabs his bowl and leans against the counter while he eats. He chugs down a glass of water and puts his bowl into the dishwasher. 

Walking to the bedroom, he stops in front of the radio, turns it off and puts on some good old Texas country music. Jensen grabs a pair of underwear and a shirt from his closet and starts cleaning his bedroom. He throws all his dirty clothes in one pile, makes his bed and puts the lube and the tissues back into his nightstand drawer. Jensen is not ashamed of masturbating, but he is pretty sure that is nothing you want your date to see the first time you give him a tour of your apartment.

As he leaves the room, Jensen takes all of his dirty clothes to the bathroom and throws them into the hamper, along with the clothes he left on the floor last night.

It takes Jensen about an hour to make the apartment presentable. This is the most he has done in weeks. Jensen has another 2 hours until Jared arrives and he gets this tingly feeling in his chest and is not sure if he will throw up. He really can’t wait to see Jared again, spend time with him, get to know him. Jensen hasn’t had these feelings since he first started dating Austin about 3 years ago and it kind of scares him.

He has to remind himself that this will be different. Not every guy is like Austin.

Jensen takes a shower because cleaning the apartment felt like a workout! 

Since this is a special occasion, it calls for Jensen’s special perfume—Cerrutti 1881. His friend Steve gave it to Jensen for Christmas. 

He puts on some light-blue Jeans, a plain black t-shirt and is ready to go. It is 3:40pm and takes him 5 minutes to walk to Callaghan Station, but he’d rather arrive too early than too late.

Jensen steps outside his apartment and is really glad he brought his sunglasses. 

There is that butterfly feeling again. All weird and tingly. He continues walking and the closer Jensen gets to the station, the more he feels the urge to just turn around and go back home.

What was he thinking? He can’t just meet with a guy he met on the bus. Jensen is a college senior and Jared’s a High School senior. _High School!_ Is that even legal?

He stops and sits down on a bench, burying his face in his hands. _Shit!_

What is he gonna do? Jensen was so excited to meet Jared and now all he can think of is the age gap. C’mon Jensen! Go and meet Jared. And if it doesn’t work out you don’t have to see him again.

He texts Steve, telling him to call Jensen in an hour so that he has an excuse to leave in case the date sucks. Jensen feels better now. He still feels sick, but he now has something to hold onto.

10 minutes until Jared arrives. Jensen looks around. He only knows that Jared will be here at 4, but he doesn’t know which bus he’ll come in on, so he searches the area. 7 busses come and go and still no Jared. 

It’s 4:08pm and Jensen starts thinking that Jared might have decided not to come.

Then the next bus pulls up.

**_Jared_ **

Next stop is Callaghan Station. This is the third time today Jared has to do his breathing exercise. And he thought dating was going to be fun!

When the bus stops he gets up but doesn’t rush to the door. Jared tries to hide in the knot of people as he disembarks so he doesn’t have to face Jensen right away. The bus leaves, as do the people around Jared. He just stands there until he is the only one left. That’s when he sees Jensen. He is leaning against a tree and smiles. Jared waves at Jensen as he walks over to him.

They are now standing in front of each other and Jensen takes off his sunglasses, tucking them into his shirt.

Jared says, “Hi,” and is unsure what to do next. Shake hands? Hug? 

Jensen breaks the awkward silence. “Hey, glad you made it. For a second I thought you wouldn’t come. How was the ride?” Jensen smiles and it melts Jared’s heart. 

He answers, “Ride was okay. To be honest, I am pretty nervous right now. I’ve never done anything like this before.” Jared gives Jensen a crooked smile. 

“I haven’t either, so we can’t mess it up. I thought we could go the Denman Estate Park and buy some snacks on the way. By the way, I like your shirt.”

Jared looks down at his shirt. “Thanks. Pearl Jam is my absolute favorite band. I really wanna see them live one day.” 

“Yeah, I heard they are an awesome live band.”

They start walking side by side and somehow, it doesn’t feel like they are doing this for the first time. Their strides in sync, Jared gives Jensen a side look and realises he is a few inches taller than Jensen. The sun puts some extra spotlight on Jensen’s freckles and Jared can feel the butterflies in his stomach. 

After about 10 minutes, Jensen stops in front of a pizza place. “You want some pizza? They have the best pizza around here. You have to try it!”

Jared hasn’t eaten all day so he nods. “Okay, sure.”

They head inside and order their pizzas. Jensen and Jared study the menu and start speaking at the same time. “No. 22, no meat, bbq sauce.” What follows is a surprised and amused look on both their faces. They burst out into loud laughter and Jared can feel the butterflies again. But this time, it is a wonderful feeling. 

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

  
  


Jensen was really anxious when Jared didn’t show up on time; all the more he was relieved when the bus station emptied and Jared was waving at him. 

Jared looks even cuter today and Jensen is glad he pushed himself to go meet Jared.

Jared looked pretty tense when he walked toward Jensen, but it really took a load off Jensen’s mind when Jared said that he has never done this before.

That means both of them have no experience with this kind of dating. They can’t mess it up. Jensen smiles bigger.

When both of them order the same pizza, he just _knows_ this is going to be a relaxed date.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Jensen go on their first date <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am reuploading this chapter because it is editied now. Enjoy and let me know what you think :)  
> Thanks again VampireLady for your help 💞

**Chapter 3**

  
  
  


_ And far away will be my home _

_ And to grasp this, I don't know _

_ But I don't need _

_ Further back and forth, a wave will break on me today _

_ ( Pearl Jam/ Parachutes) _

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

They grab the pizza boxes and two bottles of water and step out on the sidewalk. 

Jensen says, “It’s only about 5 minutes from here to the park. We can sit down by the lake and have our pizza. And I didn’t know other people also eat their pizza the way I do. I stopped eating meat but I love to put BBQ sauce on pretty much everything. Even Pancakes.”

Jared frowns. “You put BBQ sauce on pancakes? Really?”

“Yes, I do, and I am proud of it. I also make the best pancakes in the world. You should really try them sometime.” They are on a date for like 15 minutes and Jensen already invites Jared to his apartment. So much for taking it slow.

“Okay, sounds like a plan.” Jared chuckles. His laugh is music to Jensen’s ears.

As they enter the park, Jensen navigates them to his favorite place at the small lake by the pavilion. The park is quite empty for a sunny Saturday afternoon. Jensen likes the idea of a quiet afternoon. 

Jared opens his pizza box. “You don’t mind? I am starving. I was too nervous to eat anything all day.” 

Jensen replies, “No, enjoy. I am also pretty hungry. Only had time for a bowl of cereal. And you’ve never done this before? I mean, giving a stranger your number? The entire blind date thing?”

Jared shakes his head, biting the inside of his cheeks. “No, really. And I still have no idea where I got the courage from to give you my number.” Jared pauses. “I... This is my very first date.”

Jensen's eyes widen. “What? Really? Well, that was a very bold move then and I am very honored to be your first date.” Jensen takes a bow in a theatrical manner. 

“It puts a lot of pressure on me, but I think I can handle it, once I finish my pizza.” He winks at Jared, who answers with a shy smile, looking down at his shoes. 

Jensen has so many questions as to why Jared has never dated before. Jared is gorgeous, funny, smart. He realised that after just about 20 minutes. How come no one has ever dated Jared? 

They eat their pizza in silence for a while, looking out on the lake. 

Jensen hands Jared a napkin.

“You’re graduating high school this summer?” Jensen asks.

“Yeah, I am. I’m still not 100% sure what to do after I graduate. I was planning on doing some internships.” Jared wipes some BBQ sauce from his hands. “Maybe some part-time jobs to find out what I like. I have a few things in mind already. I love animals, so I wanna do some volunteer work at an animal shelter, maybe work with a veterinarian.” Jared grabs another slice of pizza. “But I also love art. I draw landscapes, portraits, et cetera. So who knows. What about you?”

Animals and art. Jared is like the softest guy Jensen has ever met.

“I will be getting my degree in about 2 months. I actually wanna become a physical therapist and wanted to start my DPT right after I got the bachelor degree. But I am so damn tired of all the studying, tests and classes. 

I wanna work for a while, make some money, gather some experience.” Jensen leans back, supporting himself with his elbows. “My applications are still pending, but I want to get a part-time job at a physical therapist practice to see if this is still what I really want.”

When they are finished with their pizzas, they throw the boxes into one of the trash cans and Jensen leads Jared toward the pavilion. 

It is going pretty smooth so far and Jensen stops clenching his jaw, an unhealthy habit he started back in high school, and most times, he is not even aware that he is doing it.

Jensen's phone rings. He pulls it out of his pocket. It’s Steve. Jensen had already forgotten that he asked Steve to call him one hour into his date with Jared. 

Jensen answers the call. “Hi, Steve!” He turns away from Jared. “No, sorry. ‘M already busy tonight. Another time. ‘Kay. Bye!”

That was close. Jensen hopes Jared doesn’t suspect anything.

They just keep walking around the small lake when Jareds asks, “How was college?”

“College was okay. It was also  _ a lot _ of work, that’s why I can’t wait to get my degree. You know, I love learning, but at my own pace. Plus, for a while I lived the Hollywood-movie life of a college student— there were so many parties and so much alcohol.” Jensen throws his hands in the air. “Too much sometimes. But I think everyone has to go through this to get cured.” They both share a look and laugh. 

Jensen tries to hide his real feelings about college and parties, because it only makes him think about Austin and how things ended between them. Even after a year, it still hurts to think about what happened back then.

“And I don’t live on campus because I like to have my own place, where everything is the way I want it. And sometimes I need time for myself. Just me and my music.”

Jared raises his head and looks at Jensen. “Your music? Do you play?”

Jensen nods and looks back at Jared, who had stopped and turned to his left to face Jensen. 

“I play guitar, sometimes I write my own songs. I’m a huge country fan.” Jensen smiles apologetically. “Yeah, I know, that’s so clichéd for a boy from Texas. My favorite singer is Garth Brooks.” Jensen pretends to adjust his cowboy hat.

Jared laughs again and Jensen is getting addicted to Jared’s huge smile.

They reach the entrance of the park, which means they walked around the entire lake.

It is still pretty warm, the air smells sweet from all the flowers when Jensen says,“It’s fun hanging out with you. What do you say if we go to my place and get something to eat and drink and then go to Elmendorf Lake Park? I could lend you a bike. It is only a 30-minute ride.”

Jensen buries his hands in his pockets, anxiously waiting for Jared’s answer.

  
  


**_Jared_ **

Jared tries to breathe normal and make it seem like it is no big deal. 

But he was just invited to Jensen’s place, who is still kind of a stranger. 

Jensen hasn’t made a move or anything yet, so Jared reassures himself over and over again that nothing is gonna happen. They will just grab some food and the bikes and will be in public again in a bit. 

Jared does not want to sound like the high schoolboy he is but he thinks out loud before he realises it. “Okay, but only if you promise to not try anything weird!” 

Jensen looks at him like Jared just slapped him in the face.

“Fuck! Jensen, I am sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. It is just that I have never done this before and you are older than me and you read about that kind of stuff in the news and I just...” Jared’s face is burning and he looks down. He is sure that Jensen doesn’t want to go with him anywhere at all after this. He fucked it up.

Jared wishes the ground underneath him would just open up and swallow him, so he doesn’t have to face Jensen anymore.

Jensen sighs. “Okay. Relax. I get it. I do. I knew it might sound weird if I’d ask you to come with me to my apartment. But I swear by the life of Garth Brooks, I won’t try anything weird. We will just get the food, water, and the bikes and we are on our way within 5 minutes. We good?”

Jensen places a hand on Jared’s shoulder and bends down a bit so he can see Jared’s face. He can feel how Jared stiffens under his touch and lets go. 

Jared smiles. Jared still looks tense, but he smiles.

“Yeah, okay. My anxiety is really acting up today.” Jared laughs nervously and plays with the button of his side pocket. 

He really wants to not worry about that anymore, because Jensen seems like a genuine guy. Jared wants to trust him.

“Let’s go to your apartment and get the bikes. I can’t wait to see how you live.” Jared smiles at Jensen and this time his eyes are smiling too.

They walk back to Jensen’s apartment. Jensen opens the door and gestures Jared to go inside. 

“Welcome to casa Ackles,” Jensen says. 

Jared walks in and looks around. They are in the living room and he can see the half-open kitchen to his right. The other doors are closed. 

“Do you want me to give you a tour?” Jensen asks and Jared nods. 

“So, as you can see, this is the living room and the kitchen where I make the world's best pancakes.” 

Jared answers, “Just to ruin them with BBQ sauce. I still can’t believe you are eating your pancakes with BBQ sauce!”

Jensen just shrugs his shoulders. “You will see. Once you’ve tried it, there is no going back.”

They walk over to the other side of the living room and Jensen opens the door to the bedroom.

Jared sees the king-size bed with the neatly tucked-in green cover and the fluffed up pillows, big windows that go all the way down to the floor and a closet with mirrors on the doors. “Looks comfy,” Jared says. 

“And here’s the bathroom. Nothing fancy, because, well, it’s a bathroom.”

Jared smiles at Jensen. 

The entire apartment is very tastefully furnished. 

“Would you excuse me?” Jared gestures to the toilet. 

“Sure! I will pack some snacks,” Jensen says. 

Jared locks the door behind him and sits down. 

When Jared is done, he washes his hands and can’t help it. He opens the mirror cabinet. Jensen doesn’t have many beauty products. Hairbrush, a razor, shaving cream, moisturizer for his face, toothbrush and toothpaste, and Cerruti 1881 cologne. 

Jared takes the bottle and opens the cap. He smells the perfume and realises that Jensen must have used it today. 

But it smells different on Jensen. Jared puts the cap back on and closes the cabinet door. 

He walks back out into the living room. Jensen is already waiting for him on the couch, with a backpack and a blanket by his feet. “Ready?” Jensen asks and Jared answers, “Yep, let’s go.”

They walk outside and around the corner of the building to a little shed. Jensen searches for a key in his pocket and opens the padlock on the door. He walks inside and comes back with one bike. He hands it over to Jared and goes to get the other bike. 

Jensen gets on his bike and gets in front of Jared so he can follow him.

Jared has a hard time concentrating because with Jensen riding in front of him, all he can focus on is Jensen’s butt. He is still not used to these feelings. They are both good and weird at the same time.

Jensen knows exactly which route to take and the traffic isn’t bad either, so they actually make it to Elmendorf Lake Park in under 30 minutes.

When they get there, they lock their bikes by the entrance. Since it is still warm and they just rode 6.1 miles, they both need something to drink. 

Jensen drinks first and passes the bottle to Jared. “I only had one bottle left. I hope you are okay with this.”

Jared nods and takes a few mouthfuls of water. “Thank you.” He passes the bottle back to Jensen. 

It is about 7pm when they enter the park, most people have already gone home. They walk side by side and Jensen stops at the observation deck at the water side. 

They both sit down at a bench, about 20 inches apart.

Jared’s phone rings. It’s Chad.  _ “Hey Jay, your mom just called and asked me if you are staying overnight. I told her you are. You owe me an explanation. Talk to you tomorrow.”  _ Chad just hangs up without waiting for an answer. 

Damn, he really sounded enraged. And Chad is right, Jared should have never lied to him.

But Chad didn’t sound like he wanted to talk right now, so Jared just tries to brush it off and be in the moment with Jensen.

“That was my friend Chad. He doesn’t know I am meeting you and I told my mom I would stay at his place. She called him and Chad had to lie for me. He sounded pretty pissed.” Jared rubs his eyes with his thumb and index finger. 

“I didn’t tell anyone about this date, or whatever this is, because I was insecure about meeting you. I just didn’t have the nerves to argue with my parents or explain myself to Chad, even though he is my best friend.” Jared crosses his arms.

Jensen didn’t take his eyes off of Jared the entire time he was speaking. 

Jared looks at Jensen and Jensen’s expression is all soft, with a knowing smile on his face. The setting sun puts a light shimmer on his face, which brings out his freckles. Jared takes a deep breath.

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

  
  


Jensen can see how confused and upset Jared is and somehow it is the cutest thing he has seen in a long time.

Jared sticks his index finger through the hole in the seam of his shorts and plays with the loose thread. Jensen wants to hug Jared and tell him that everything will be fine. Instead he slides a little closer to Jared and says, “How long have you known that you’re gay?”

Jared stops playing with the thread and looks at Jensen. “I uhm, I just… I think I just found out about it yesterday, I guess?” He starts fumbling again, wrapping the thread around his finger. “I mean, I never really was into girls—flirting, dating and all that kinda stuff. I have Chad, my books, music and my art. I didn’t care for it, so I never actually thought about being…gay? I’m not even sure if I am gay.”

Jensen turns a bit to his right, facing Jared, his right leg crossed underneath his left thigh.

“I was 17 when I gradually realised that I’m attracted to guys, and I think I didn’t tell anyone for about a year. I hated not fitting in with the other kids. It freaked me out. I wanted to be like them and not have to worry about my sexuality. Well, at least not more than you usually do as a teenanger.”

He puts his arm on the back rest of the bench, his hand close to Jared’s shoulder.

“One day I decided to go to  _ Out Youth _ , just to take a look. They didn’t interrogate or pressure me into anything. I went back the next week and met my friends Chris and Steve.”

Jared has that little furrow between his brows, leaning a bit towards Jensen, taking in what Jensen is telling him.

“We hung out a lot, played music and talked. They are both older than me, so they were more experienced in that area and encouraged me to talk to my parents.”

Jensen touches Jared’s shoulder for a brief moment.

“I don’t wanna scare you, but they were giving me a hard time for the first two weeks or so. I think what was getting to them the most was the fact that they thought it was their fault.”

Jensen takes his eyes off Jared and looks in the distance. He shakes his head and his eyes wander back to Jared.

“A few weeks after I came out to them, we went to Out Youth together and they talked to the people during family hour. After that they still needed some time, but now they are pretty cool with it.”

Jensen turns away to grab two sandwiches from his backpack, offering one to Jared. “Want one?”Jared takes one sandwich from Jensen and unwraps it. Chewing, he says to Jensen, “Thanks. For the sandwich and for telling me about your coming out.” 

It was past 8pm already and the sun had almost set. 

“Wanna walk around a bit?” Jensen asks.

“Yeah, sure.” Jared gets up and stretches and Jensen’s eyes wander over Jared’s body. Jared’s hair looks a bit wild because the wind messed it up. Jensen really wants to run his fingers through it.

Jared’s face isn’t one of a teenanger anymore, but it is also not the face of an adult yet. 

His cheeks are rosy and Jensen wants to caress them. 

Jensen quickly looks away when Jared opens his eyes. They both put on their backpacks and walk along the water.

Jensen feels very romantic with the streetlights and the falling night. The tingly feeling extends to his arms and he smiles as he looks over to Jared.

  
  


**_Jared_ **

Jared is still trying to wrap his head around the fact that he trusts Jensen, despite the fact that he only knows him for like, what, 4 or 5 hours? 

Jensen radiates calmness. He seems to be at peace with himself and that is something Jared admires. 

“So, your favorite singer is Garth Brooks?” Jared asks.

Jensen looks at him. “Yes, he was one of my first concerts. My dad took me and my big brother, Josh, to see him live. That was a very special evening for me. I am a sucker for live shows; the connection with the audience is what brings the music to life. When the crowd starts to sing and you feel like you are out there with hundreds of friends. This is like the best drug in the entire world!”

Jensen’s eyes shine with enthusiasm and Jared gets this warm and fuzzy feeling in his chest. 

They turn right onto a bridge, and before Jared can give it too much thought he asks, “Would it be weird if we were holding hands?” 

Another daring move and Jared holds his breath. He is sure Jensen had put some kind of spell on him.

Jensen chuckles, “Not at all,” and stretches out his right hand. 

Jared puts his hand in Jensen’s and they lock their fingers. 

Jensen’s hand feels so warm and soft. They fit perfectly. It feels so damn right, Jared wants to scream at the night sky. 

His heart is beating so fast he is convinced that Jensen can hear it.

Jensen moves a bit closer, and as they continue walking he says, “I really like that.”

He gently bumps his shoulder against Jared’s. Jared turns his head to look Jensen in the eye and whispers, “Me too.”

They get to the other side of the bridge and Jensen stops at the lawn, taking off his backpack. He pulls out a blanket and Jared helps to spread it out on the lawn. 

They both put their backpacks at the top of the blanket and lay down next to each other.

Jared’s hand automatically searches for Jensen’s and they lock their fingers again. 

Jensen caresses Jared’s thumb. It is a small gesture, but Jared is smiling from ear to ear. Being here with Jensen, holding hands, the stars above them. It is like a goddamn romantic movie! 

As they lay there, they are looking at the stars. It is quiet and he can hear Jensen breathe. Suddenly Jared sees a shooting star and he wishes this night would never end. 

Jared feels like he is on this date for years already, and at the same time it feels like it’s been only minutes.

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

  
  


Jensen’s glad that Jared took that step, because he doesn’t want to push things. They’ve only known each other for a few hours, but he feels so comfortable with Jared. Right now, the age gap doesn’t matter at all. He is in the moment, savoring Jared’s presence.

He lets go of Jared’s hand and turns on his right side, supporting his head with his hand. Jared turns his head to look at him and Jensen just reaches over, putting his hand on Jared’s cheek.

Jared closes his eyes and Jensen can feel him shiver under his touch.

He pulls back and Jared opens his eyes.

“Don’t stop,” he whispers and takes Jensen's hand, putting it back onto his cheek.

Jensen brushes a few streaks of Jared’s hair from his forehead and Jared shudders. 

This time he looks Jensen in the eye and moves a bit closer. 

Jensen’s fingertips caress Jared’s temple, moving slowly to his cheek, tracing Jared’s jawline and his chin.

Jensen can’t remember the last time he did that. With his one night stands, all that mattered was rough sex. It was only a physical thing. 

Jensen wants to remember the silky feeling of Jared’s skin forever. No matter the outcome of this, Jensen will have this memory for the rest of his life.

Jared inhales sharply, eyes closed. He holds onto Jensen’s hand and moves even closer. When Jared opens his eyes again, their faces are only a few inches apart and he puts his hand on the back of Jensen’s head. 

Jensen moves closer and their knees touch.

Their breathing gets faster. The blood is rushing in Jensen’s ears and, for a while, nobody moves. 

At this moment, all you could hear was the sound of the cicadas and the water of the river running next to them. 

The tension is palpable and Jensen swallows hard as he looks at Jared’s soft, red lips. 

When he looks back up he meets Jared’s glance. Jensen just raises an eyebrow and Jared nods, barely visible. Jensen’s hand rests on Jared’s cheeks as their heads move closer together. 

Jared instinctively closes his eyes when Jensen’s plump lips touch his mouth. It is more of a gentle brush than anything else, really. 

When Jensen lets go, Jared opens his eyes and mouth, but he can’t seem to find the words. 

Jensen asks, “You alright? You want me to stop?” Lines formed on his forehead as he sat up.

Jared pushes himself off the blanket as well and opens his mouth again. “No, it’s okay. I, uh, I was just surprised. That felt amazing, actually.” 

Jared touches his lips with his fingertips. He scoots closer to Jensen and says, “Can we try that again?”

Jensen giggles and says, “Oh Jared,” as he leans in for another kiss, this time holding Jared’s face with both of his hands. He presses his lips onto Jared’s, softly nibbling at Jared’s upper lip, when Jared slightly parts his lips.

  
  


**_Jared_ **

It takes all of Jared’s willpower not to shake. When Jensen kisses him, it feels like electricity is shooting through his body. 

It is such an overwhelming feeling and Jared wants more.

Jared lets out a deep moan and closes the gap between their bodies.

He grabs Jensen’s neck with one hand and moves his other hand along Jensen’s back, down to his waist. Jensen’s body feels strong and firm under Jared’s grip.

When Jared breaks the kiss, he only moves his head away far enough to look Jensen in the eye and all he sees is Jensen’s tender look.

Jensen still holds Jared’s face in his hand, tracing the outline of Jared’s upper lip with his thumb.

They both let go and Jared moves away from Jensen. 

He needs to catch his breath. Jared never imagined a kiss from a guy to be like that. 

Jensen asks, “Do you want me to show you the rest of the park? There is a playground a few minutes from here.”

Jared nods. “Yeah, I hope there is a swing set!” 

Jensen laughs. “You bet there is!”

He gets up and holds out his hand for Jared. He grabs it and Jensen pulls him up.

When they are done packing up their belongings, they walk in silence for a while. They get to the playground and put their backpacks next to the swing set and they both get on the swings.

Pushing themselves off the ground, they start swinging. “Tell me about your family,” Jared says.

They keep moving back and forth and the higher Jared gets, the more he can feel the butterflies in his stomach. 

“I was born in Austin and we moved to San Antonio when I was 5,” Jensen answers. “I have an older brother, Josh, and a younger sister, Mackenzie. My dad works at a bank and my mom is an elementary school teacher. What about you?”

Still swinging, Jared turns his head to Jensen. “Well, what a coincidence. I am also the middle child. I have an older brother named Jeff and a younger sister named Megan. And my mom is also a teacher. She teaches art at Alamo Heights High and my dad owns a small bookstore.” Jared pushes himself off the ground again. “I sometimes help him out after school.”

“Which high school are you going to?” Jensen asks Jared.

“James Madison High,” Jared replies.

Jensen blurts out, “Stop it! That was my high school, too! Is Mrs. Kellermann still teaching biology?”

Jared laughs. “Yes, she does, and she is still not comfortable teaching anything sex related.” 

Jensen giggles. “Oh yeah, I remember that too well. We took every chance to make her blush.”

“That means we went to the same school for a while,” Jared says. “The world is such a small place.” 

They stay on the swings for a long time and just talk about god and the world.

In the middle of their conversation, Jared suddenly says, “Thank you.”

“What for?” Jensen asks puzzled. 

“For everything,” Jared replies. “This entire day was great. I was really anxious meeting you today and it turned out to be the best day I had in a long time.”

“Now you make  _ me  _ blush!” Jensen looks at his feet. “But thanks, and right back at ya.”

Jensen gets up and walks over to Jared. “Come here.” He reaches out his hands and Jared takes them as he gets up from the swing. “I wanna kiss you again,” Jensen says and he moves closer to Jared. 

Jared puts his arms around Jensen and tilts his head a little to the left before kissing Jensen. 

There is that electricity shooting through his body again. 

Jensen pulls him closer and Jared feels like time stands still. 

After the kiss, Jensen pulls Jared in for a hug and Jared presses his nose into the side of Jensen's neck. He smells sweat and perfume. He smells Jensen and mumbles into Jensens neck, “I am very happy right now.”

Jensen lets go a bit, grabbing Jared’s hands and smiles at him. “Me too. I am glad you had the nerves to give me your number.”

Jared squeezes Jensen’s hands. When he looks up, he realises that the sun is rising.

“What time is it?” he asks Jensen. 

Jensen presses the button on his watch. “Almost 6am. I think it is time to go back. I am meeting Steve in the afternoon and I should probably sleep a few hours.”

“And I should go and talk to Chad.” Jared sighs. He managed to push the phone call aside until now. But it might be good to talk to someone about what happened tonight.

They grab their backpacks and Jared holds out his hand. Jensen takes it, smiling at Jared. Jensen looks tired and happy as they walk back to their bikes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared goes to talk to Chad. Will Chad be still mad at Jared?  
> Jensen meets with Steve to talk about the date and make some music :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the day after the date <3
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!  
> Let me know what you think and leave a comment :)
> 
> Thanks to VampireLady and Destruction9 for your awesome help :*

**CHAPTER 4**

  
  


You 

All the dreams we shared and

Lights we turned on

But the house is getting dark

(Parachutes/ Pearl Jam)

  
  
  


Sunday

**_Jensen_ **

  
  


They get on the bikes and ride back to Callaghan Station as the sun rises.

Jared’s bus leaves in 10 minutes and Jensen doesn’t want him to go.

But he has to sleep before he meets up with Steve, and Jared said he had to talk to his friend Chad.

“I had a great time with you and I hope we can meet again soon,” Jensen says as he squeezes Jared’s hand.

Jared squeezes back and smiles at Jensen. “I’d love that. Let’s stay in touch and see if we can meet again next weekend.” Jared looks over his shoulder. “My bus is ‘bout to leave. I gotta go.” He gives Jensen a short hug and walks to the bus. Before he gets inside he turns around and waves at Jensen.

The bus leaves and Jensen takes both bikes and walks back to his place.

He can’t wipe this stupid happy smile off his face. Jensen feels very blissful as he thinks about his date with Jared.

It was even better than he imagined it would be. Jared is such a sweet and shy guy, and yet he was so open with Jensen.

Jensen has fallen hard for Jared. He hates to be without him, even though it has only been 5 minutes. Jensen wants to kiss Jared, hug him.

He wants to be Jared’s boyfriend.

Damn. 

Jensen is not even trying to take it slow anymore. He hasn’t felt this good since he broke up with Austin. 

Being with Jared feels so comfortable, so normal.

Jensen is so scared. 

He could not handle it if his heart would be broken again.

Both bikes are locked in the shed again and Jensen walks into his apartment.

He leaves the backpack and blanket by the door and walks over to the bathroom, takes off his clothes, washes his face, and is in bed within 5 minutes. 

The alarm is set for 2pm, so he will get about 7 hours of sleep before he has to get ready to meet Steve.

This time, Jensen doesn’t even have to start counting. He falls asleep right away, with a soft smile on his face.

  
  


**_Jared_ **

What the hell is happening?! Is Jared falling in love? It would explain the butterflies and the urge to hop off the bus and just go back to Jensen.

Jared is so surprised about his date with Jensen. Because, let’s be honest—that was a date.

Jared hasn’t felt that safe and relaxed in a long time, even though he was so damn nervous! Jensen made it very easy for Jared to just be himself.

It felt so natural to be with Jensen—talking, hugging, kissing.

There is a chill running down Jared’s spine. Jensen and him, they really kissed. Jared kissed a guy and he liked it. But Jared’s not gay. Or is he?

And that’s where things get complicated. Kissing Jensen, being held by him, made Jared feel things he didn’t know he could feel. He remembers that electricity. Jensen’s gentle touch. His soft lips.

Is Jared gay? Could he really be gay? 

Jared doesn’t have too much time to think about it because he has to get off the bus. 

It is 8am and he stands in front of Chad’s house. It’s been 5 minutes already and he can’t bring himself to go up to the door and ring the bell.

That’s when Chad’s mom opens the kitchen window. “Hey Jared. Why don’t you come inside? I’ll tell Chad that you’re here.”

Damn. Now he has to go into the lion’s den. Jared sighs and walks up to the front door.

He knocks at Chad’s bedroom door and hears a grumpy, “Come in.” Jared can still leave.

But right at that moment, Chad opens the door.

“Oh, hi Chad,” Jared stutters. Chad steps aside and Jared walks into the room. Chad closes the door again and sits down on his bed.

“I am all ears.” Chad leans back and looks at Jared, who is breaking eye contact because Chad looks hurt and pissed.

“Hey man, I’m really sorry. I didn’t want to lie to you or make you lie for me.” Jared hasn’t moved.

“By the way—thanks!”

Chad just grunts. Oh boy, Jared has a lot of explaining to do.

He takes his hands out of his pockets and walks over to Chad’s desk to sit down on the chair.

“I hope you have no plans for today, because this will take some time,” Jared says as he looks at Chad, who now sits cross-legged on the middle of his bed.

“I actually can’t believe I held this back from you, but I was so freaking confused.”

“Jared, please! Just tell me what it is!” Chad says impatiently.

“Okay, okay. When I got on the bus on Friday to meet you, I met a guy. And I think I have a crush on him.” Jared lowers his eyes.

“You...what?!” Chad is practically yelling and Jared is afraid that Chad’s eyeballs are going to pop out of his head.

“Shhh! I don’t want it to be on the news!” Jared hisses. “Yes, you heard that right. I had just put away my MP3 player when I looked up and saw him. He has light brown hair, green eyes, beautiful freckles and the softest lips. I still have no idea why I am so attracted to him. I mean, he is a guy and all.” Jared gets a distant look.

Thinking about Jensen flips Jared’s stomach upside down.

“Jay? Are you still with me?” Chad gets up and walks over to Jared, who doesn’t answer. He snaps his fingers in front of Jared’s face.

“Oh, sorry. Yeah, so we had to get off the bus and wait for a replacement, and when I got on the replacement bus I just sat next to him. I have no idea why I did that. It felt like I was under a spell.” Jared just shrugs his shoulders.

“Okay, what happened next?” Chad sits back on the bed.

“We flirted in the reflection of the Plexiglass behind the driver. When I got off the bus I handed him a piece of paper with my number and name on it.”

Jared gets up from the chair and starts pacing in front of Chad’s bed.

“Oh wow. That’s why you seemed a bit off when we met at Bill Millers!” Chad claps. “I knew there was something going on!”

Jared keeps walking. “But that’s not the end of the story.” He looks at Chad. “I need something to drink.”

Chad reaches under his bed and hands a bottle of whiskey to Jared.

“Chad, I don’t wanna drink myself into a coma. Do you have beer?!”

Chad puts the whiskey bottle away and hands a beer to Jared, who empties it in one go.

“We started texting when I was on my way home and decided to meet the next day. But I couldn’t tell my parents, so I just told my mom I would spend the day with you and might stay overnight. I didn’t think she would actually call you.”

It won’t be long before there is a hole in the carpet.

“So you met with this guy even though you didn’t know him? What’s his name?” Chad asks.

“His name is Jensen. Jensen Ackles. He is going to get his Bachelor of Science degree in Kinesiology in a few weeks. He is 22. And our date ended about an hour ago or so.” Jared is still walking up and down on front of Chad’s bed.

“You spent the night together?! Did you…?” Chad jumps off the bed and stops in front of Jared. He puts his hands on Jared’s shoulders. “Did you have sex with him?!”

“Chad!” Jared looks at Chad in shock that his friend thinks he would do something like that on his first date. “You know I have never dated before and I’ve never had sex. So why would I do that on my very first date?! With a GUY!!” 

Jared runs his fingers through his hair, shaking his head.

“But we kissed.” Jared presses his hands into his eyes.

Chad sits back down on the bed. “So let me get this straight. You dated a guy you met on the bus the day before. You spent the night together and you kissed. Are you gay?!”

Jared stops pacing, throwing his hands in the air. “I don’t fucking know, man!”

He starts pacing again.

“All I really know is that I am feeling things I have never felt before. It was the best night of my life. We talked for hours, we were holding hands. It felt so good. So normal. Like it was meant to be.”

Jared walks over to Chad and sits next to him on the bed. He turns to look Chad in the eye. “And that kiss. It felt so different from kissing a girl. His lips were soft, but without that sweet, fruity taste.”

Jared lets his head fall on Chad’s shoulder. “I don’t know what to do, man.”

They stay like this for a while until Jared lifts his head.

“Are you going to meet him again?” Chad asks.

“I think so.” Jared plays with the loose thread on his shorts.

“Are you gonna tell your parents?” Chad tries to make eye contact with Jared.

“No.” Jared looks at Chad and continues, “I’m not even sure what this is. Am I gay? Is this just a phase? I‘m so confused, Chad.” Jared pinches the top of his nose.

“I had such a great time with Jensen, but this feels so new. I have no plan, I don’t know what comes next. I had 3 panic attacks before meeting Jensen.”

Chad puts his hand on Jared’s chin and lifts his head so Jared has to look at him. “I am here for you. I mean, you kissed Cathy at my pool party and I really thought she could finally be the one for you. But I am here for you.

I will be your alibi for now. We’re going to figure this out.” Chad smiles at Jared.

Jared’s shoulders sag. He pulls Chad in for a hug. “Thanks, man. I know why you’re my best friend. I‘m sorry I didn’t tell you right away, but I didn’t even know what to do with it myself.”

“You’ll be fine. Your sister will be happy to watch telenovelas with you.” Chad winks at Jared, who is pretending to throw the empty beer bottle at Chad.

Jared laughs. “You’re an asshole!” 

  
  
  
  


**_Jensen_ **

Argh, that damn alarm clock again! Jensen turns it off and sits up in his bed, rubbing his eyes.

He grabs his cell phone right away to text Jared.

_ “Hey Jay ;) How are you? How did the talk with your friend Chad go? Did you get home okay?” _

Jensen is smiling again, thinking about his time with Jared. He would totally ditch Steve just to spend a couple of hours with Jared today. But he’s trying so hard to take it slow because he doesn’t want to scare Jared away.

Jensen gets up and takes a shower. He only has time for a quick sandwich before he has to leave.

He arrives at Steve’s house about an hour later. They go straight down to the basement into Steve’s small studio. “Tennessee Whiskey” by Chris Stapleton is playing when Steve hands Jensen a beer.

Jensen gets comfortable on the old brown couch and Steve sits down in his “Boss” chair.

“Since you didn’t need me to rescue you last night, I assume it was a good date?” Steve looks at Jensen expectantly.

“Yeah, I dropped him off at the bus station around 6:30am.” 

Jensen sips on his beer.

Steve leans back into his chair. “You spent the night together? Did you have sex with him?”

Jensen puts his bottle on the coffee table in front of him. 

“No. We just met and he‘s only 17! Besides, you know I‘m not having one night stands anymore.”

“Okay, okay!” Steve raises his hands apologetically. “Then tell me how you happened to go on a blind date with a 17-year-old boy.” 

Jensen grabs his beer again and leans back. “We met on the bus Friday afternoon and kinda flirted. When Jared got off the bus he gave me a piece of paper with his name and number on it. We texted and met yesterday.” he says.

“It is so damn different from being drunk at a party and having sex with a random guy. I was about to just turn around and go back home when I was on my way to pick him up. I’m really not used to that anymore.” Jensen giggles and takes another sip of his beer.

The next song plays.

_ Aruba, Jamaica, oh I want to take ya _

_ Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama _

_ Key Largo, Montego, baby why don't we go, Jamaica _

_ Off the Florida Keys, there's a place called Kokomo _

_ That's where you want to go to get away from it all _

_ Bodies in the sand, tropical drink melting in your hand _

_ We'll be falling in love to the rhythm of a steel drum band _

_ Down in Kokomo _

When Jensen hears that song, he laughs so hard that beer comes shooting out of his nose.

“I can’t believe you are still listening to that song.” Jensen takes the paper towels Steve is holding and wipes off the beer from his face and shirt. “I crack up whenever I hear this song. I can’t get the image out of my head. Man, you were so drunk at our Hawaii party, when you kissed the janitor’s wife because you thought it was Chris.” 

Steve gets up from his chair and walks over to the stereo to skip to another song. 

“Yeah, yeah. Laugh all you want, Ackles. At least I kissed someone that night.” Steve sits back down on his chair and Jensen tries very hard not to laugh anymore. Everyone was talking about that for weeks. There might even be a video.

Steve interrupts Jensen’s thoughts. “So what is it with you and Jared? Are you two meeting again? Do you think this could become something serious?”

“Well, I think I have a major crush on him. Our date was like one of those chick flick movies. We were holding hands in the moonlight. We kissed under the stars.” Jensen gets up to throw the wet paper towels in the trash.

Steve leans back in his chair and closes his eyes. “Oh Ackles!”

“I know. It gives me cavities, too. But he was the first thing I thought of when I woke up this afternoon. But even  _ if  _ this is going to become something serious, it will probably take some time. I’m kinda like his first guy and he doesn’t even know yet if he is gay.” Jensen takes another beer from the fridge.

“Awww, it  _ is  _ a chick flick movie! Young and confused about his sexuality. Just like you back then when we took you under our wings.” Steve forms a heart with his thumbs and index fingers and makes kissing sounds.

Jensen throws a pillow at him to make him shut up.

“So are you just gonna make fun of me or are we playin’ some music?!” Jensen asks and takes his guitar and notebook out of the bag.

“Okay, let’s get to work. You’ve been working on something?” Steve asks as he walks over to the other side of the room to grab his guitar.

Jensen opens his notebook. “Yeah, had some ideas for a new song. It’s not finished yet.”

Jensen takes his guitar and starts to play.

_ Oh get inside, take a ride _

_ Far as it'll go _

_ Let it spin, to the end _

_ And right around the roll _

_ Find a line, every time _

_ Tearing through the wall _

_ Sonic boom to the room _

_ Come burnin' like a cannonball _

They work on that song for a few hours. Jensen checks his phone every now and then to see if there’s a new message from Jared. 

He has a crush on a high school boy.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have fallen for each other. Hard.  
> Jared even listens to country music and Jensen feels like a teenage girl.
> 
> To be young and in love <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My day job got in the way and I didn't have time to write.
> 
> Here is chapter 5 to get you excited for chapter 6, which will be up tomorrow or the day after.
> 
> Warning - cavity. Lots of it ;)
> 
> Thanks to VampireLady and Destruction9 for your help <3

**Chapter 5**

  
  


**Sunday**

**_Jared_ **

It‘s 2pm when Jared wakes up. He napped on Chad’s couch for a few hours. 

“Hello, sleeping beauty!” Chad says, offering Jared a big cup of coffee.

“Hey, thanks.” Jared sits up and takes a sip.

Chad sits down on his bed. “Are you feeling better?”

Jared rubs his eyes with one hand and runs his fingers through his hair so he can see Chad. “Yeah. I am. Guess I just needed some good sleep to stop freakin’ out.”

He finishes his coffee and gets dressed. “I have to get back home. Thanks for the pep talk and the nap. See ya tomorrow.”

They hug goodbye and Jared walks to the bus station.

  
  


\-------

  
  


Jared’s phone is dead, so all he can do is listen to some music and look out the window on his way home. 

When he arrives, he finds his mom and Megan in the backyard, eating some cake. He kisses his mom on the cheek. 

“Sit down, son. Have some coffee and cake.”

“Can’t. I have homework to finish. See you guys at dinner.”

Jared grabs a piece of the cake, makes a mess of Megan’s hair and walks up to his room.

He tosses his backpack next to his desk, puts the cake down, and falls on his bed to plug in his phone.

He is dying to know if Jensen texted him.

The battery charging sign shows up and Jared enters his PIN.

It takes forever for his phone to start, so he eats the cake while he waits.

Finally, it vibrates and there is a new message.

_ “Hey Jay ;) How are you? How did the talk with your friend Chad go? Did you get home okay?” _

And again, Jared acts like a teenage girl—eyes closed, big-ass smile on his face—while he presses the phone to his chest.

_ “Morning Jen :) Chad and I had a pretty good talk. Just got home. Miss you. Wish we could meet again today.” _

He puts the phone on his nightstand and just stares out the window for a while. The two birds are back, billing.

It takes Jared back to his night with Jensen. He was so soft when he caressed Jared’s cheek. That soft but passionate kiss. And he smelled  _ so  _ good!

Jared gets up and walks over to his desk. He really has to finish his english homework for tomorrow.

He tries so hard, but all he can think about is Jensen.

There is no denying it anymore—Jared has a huge crush on Jensen. It feels amazing.

This is the first time that Jared doesn’t finish his homework.

  
  


**Jensen**

It’s past 6pm when Jensen packs up his guitar and says goodbye to Steve.

He’s riding home on his bike and the wind in his face feels good. 

He makes a detour through Denman Estate Park because he needs to get rid of his excess energy.

The 15-minute ride from Steve’s place to Jensen’s apartment turns into 2 hours.

But Jensen feels good, tired and sweaty.

After taking a quick shower and then watching some TV in the living room, Jensen takes his phone from his backpack as he remembers that he sent a message to Jared a few hours ago.

He is so happy when he sees that Jared texted back.

There is that huge, stupid smile again. Jared misses him. 

He feels like a teenager again and wishes that Jared lived closer. He really wants to kiss him. Be near him. Just feel him. 

He has so much to tell and so much he wants to know about Jared.

Jensen would be fine just laying on the couch with Jared, watching TV.

_ “I miss you too. I really wish you could lay next to me on the couch right now. Steve and I worked on some music today.” _

Jensen puts the phone away and tries to concentrate on the show he‘s watching. 

The buzzing sound coming from the coffee table startles him. He fell asleep on the couch. 

10pm. A new message from Jared.

_ “I'd love to hear it! Biology class is cancelled tomorrow. I might be able to sneak out of study hall. I could be at your at your place around 1.30” _

Jensen’s heart beat faster. He doesn’t have to be anywhere tomorrow, so he can’t wait for Jared to get here.

_ “Sounds great! Can’t wait to see you again. Good night Jay.” _

He turns off the TV and goes straight to bed.

In 16 hours he‘ll see Jared again.

  
  


**Jared**

Jared is so happy that he remembered that Biology class was cancelled. 

He‘s sure he won’t survive until the next weekend without seeing Jensen.

16 hours. Still a long time, but manageable. 

Before going to bed, he goes downstairs to the living room. 

His mom and dad are still watching TV.

“Do we have a Garth Brooks CD?”

“A few, actually.” Jared’s mom gets up from the couch and walks over to the huge record shelf and hands Jared 3 CDs.

“Why are you suddenly interested in country music?” Jared’s dad asks.

Jared shrugs his shoulders. “We’re doing a music project and that was the only thing left. I’m going to bed. Night.”

“Good night, Jared,” his mom and dad answer in unison.

Back in his room, Jared pulls his portable cd player from his desk drawer and puts in the first CD. 

He crawls under the covers, puts on the headphones and turns off the light.

The music starts playing and a certain part of the first song catches his attention.

He grabs his phone and sends Jensen one last message before he goes to sleep.

_ “No one in the world has ever done what you do for me” _

  
  
  
  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared sneaks out of study hall to spend some time with Jensen. But it does't turn out the way he imagined....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for the end of sunshine and rainbows :*
> 
> Thanks to VampireLady and Destruction9 for your feedback and help. I adore you <3
> 
> And look at that gorgeous piece of art destruction made for that chapter!

**_Chapter 6_ **

_Did I say that I need you?_

_Did I say that I want you?_

_What if I did and I'm a fool you see_

_No one knows this more than me_

_'Cause I come clean_

_(Pearl Jam /Just Breathe)_

  
  


**_Monday_ **

**_Jensen_ **

No alarm today. Jensen wakes up at 10:30am. It takes him a few minutes to fully wake up.

He reaches for his phone as soon as he opens his eyes.

One new message from Jared.

“Oh Jared, how can you be that sweet?” Jensen smiles as he realises that Jared had sent him Garth Brooks lyrics.

  
  


_“Wrapped up in you! So you’ve been listening to Garth? Good morning ;)“_

Jensen gets up and goes to the bathroom.

After he has a sandwich and a cup of coffee, he picks up his guitar. He woke up with a melody in his head and he tries to play it. 

After he feels that he got it right, Jensen writes the chords down.

It has never been so easy to write the lyrics for a song. But the words are just flowing and Jensen finishes the song within 15 minutes.

  
  


“ _I don't know but_

_I think I may be_

_Fallin' for you_

_Dropping so quickly_

_Maybe I should_

_Keep this to myself_

_Waiting 'til I_

_Know you better_

_I am trying_

_Not to tell you_

_But I want to_

_I'm scared of what you'll say_

_So I'm hiding what I'm feeling_

_But I'm tired of_

_Holding this inside my head_

_I've been spending all my time_

_Just thinking about ya_

_I don't know what to do_

_I think I'm fallin' for you_

_I've been waiting all my life_

_And now I found ya_

_I don't know what to do_

_I think I'm fallin' for you_

_I'm fallin' for you_

_As I'm standing here_

_And you hold my hand_

_Pull me towards you_

_And we start to dance_

_All around us_

_I see nobody_

_Here in silence_

_It's just you and me_

_I'm trying_

_Not to tell you_

_But I want to_

_I'm scared of what you'll say_

_So I'm hiding what I'm feeling_

_But I'm tired of_

_Holding this inside my head_

_I've been spending all my time_

_Just thinking about ya_

_I don't know what to do_

_I think I'm fallin' for you_

_I've been waiting all my life_

_And now I found ya_

_I don't know what to do_

_I think I'm fallin' for you_

_I'm fallin' for you_

_Oh I just can't take it_

_My heart is racing_

_The emotions keep spinning out_

_I've been spending all my time_

_Just thinking about ya_

_I don't know what to do_

_I think I'm fallin' for you_

_I've been waiting all my life_

_And now I found ya_

_I don't know what to do_

_I think I'm fallin' for you_

_I'm fallin' for you_

_I can't stop thinking about it_

_I want you all around me_

_And now I just can't hide it_

_I think I'm fallin' for you I'm fallin' for you_

_Ooohhh_

_Oh no no_

_Oooooohhh_

_Oh I'm fallin' for you“_

Music has always been Jensen’s way to deal with his emotions. Other people write diaries, Jensen writes songs.

That is the first of this kind in about a year. 

Jared is doing things to Jensen he can’t explain. It’s like Jared whipped up emotions that were buried deep down in Jensen since Austin broke up with him.

Jensen gets dressed, takes his backpack and rides to the grocery store. 

He promised Jared he’d make him pancakes…

  
  
  


**_Jared_ **

Jared is lucky because his english teacher picks someone else to present the homework. 

Later on, a girl in his art class is doing a presentation and Jared gives up trying to follow her.

Instead he doodles. Sketches of Jensen’s face: his eyes, freckles, his beautiful mouth.

He could do this all day—look into Jensen’s beautiful face.

Jared really has a hard time concentrating. He’s heard about all the stuff that happens when you have a crush, but to feel that way himself is pretty weird.

He can’t concentrate because every part of his brain is busy with thinking of Jensen.

Jared only has to get through math class and he can finally go see Jensen again. It feels like a lifetime since they hugged goodbye. 

It’s been 28 hours. 

There’s a new message when Jared checks his phone between classes. 

He knew that Jensen would get the lyrics. It’s a good thing that they are both obsessed with music.

1pm, finally! The day stretched like gum.

Jared managed to take his mom’s car today and told her that he won’t be home before 9pm since he has to work on that country music project with his classmate.

He’s not ready yet to tell her about Jensen, even though he hates to twist the truth. Jared will get there eventually. But definitely not today.

The traffic is slow, so it takes Jared 40 minutes to get to Jensen’s place.

When he arrives, he stays in the car for a while, trying to steady his heart rate.

Jared doesn’t know why he’s so nervous; he’s spent an entire night with Jensen already. And he just knows Jensen won’t try anything Jared doesn’t agree with. 

He turns off the stereo, grabs his backpack and locks the car.

A last look in the side mirror and he walks up to Jensen’s door.

Jared knocks 3 times and then waits for Jensen to finally open the door.

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

Jensen almost stumbles over his own feet on the way to the front door.

He opens the door and Jared stands in front of him with his megawatt smile. Jensen wants to kiss him so badly!

He practically pulls Jared inside, slams the door shut and presses Jared against the closed door.

He stares at Jared for a heartbeat and then just kisses him.

The feeling of Jared’s soft mouth pressed against his lips makes his knees go weak.

Jensen is sure it looks really funny, because he has to stretch to kiss Jared and put his arms around his shoulders. 

Jared is not even 18 yet and he’s already a giant.

Jensen continues to kiss and pulls Jared in for a tight hug. He feels so good.

“Oh Jay, it’s so good to see you. I really needed to kiss you.”

When Jensen lets go of Jared, he can’t help but giggle. Jared looks so cute with his cheeks flushed.

“Hey Jensen, thanks. And I missed you too.” Jared places a kiss on Jensen’s cheek.

“Perfect timing, by the way. I am just about to make pancakes.” 

Jensen walks over to the kitchen as Jared puts his backpack near the front door.

“Awesome. I didn’t have lunch yet.” Jared sits down at the counter on one of the stools, watching Jensen do his magic.

“How did your friend Chad react when you told him about our date?” Jensen asks while flipping a pancake.

“I almost didn’t have the nerves to tell him because he was so pissed at me. Then he was kinda confused. But in the end he was totally cool with it. He said he’ll be my alibi as long as I need it.” 

Jared gets up from the stool. “Where are the plates and silverware?”

Jensen points to his left and Jared gets everything they need to enjoy the pancakes. Even the BBQ sauce from the fridge.

“Do you have some Nutella?” Jared asks as he puts the sauce on the kitchen island.

“Far left cabinet, top shelf,” Jensen says, turning off the stove. He places the plate with the pancakes on the kitchen island and sits down.

Jensen puts one pancake on each plate and pours BBQ sauce over both pancakes. 

Jared frowns, but he tries it anyway.

“Yeah, not too bad. But I'll stick to Nutella.”

They finish eating their pancakes, and after they put the dishes into the dishwasher, they settle down on the couch.

Jensen is half-sitting, half-lying on the couch with Jared’s back resting against his chest.

Jensen keeps kissing Jared’s hair, the fingers of his left hand entwined with Jared’s. 

Jensen loves the smell of Jared’s hair. It smells soft, like fresh air with a hint of lemon.

“So how was your day?” Jensen keeps kissing Jared’s hair.

“Oh man. I was too busy thinking about you to finish my english homework yesterday, but my teacher didn’t notice. I have no idea what Avery’s presentation in biology class was about. I just couldn't concentrate on her, so I drew pencil sketches of your face instead.”

Jared sits up between Jensen’s legs and moves over a bit so he can look at Jensen. “I thought school would never end. I missed you like crazy.” He smiles. “It feels amazing and so weird at the same time. Sometimes I feel like one of those teenage girls from these stupid movies I watch with Megan every now and then.”

“I don’t know about the girl thing, but technically you’re still a teenager.” Jensen winks at him. 

Jared just rolls his eyes and kisses Jensen, getting back between Jensen’s legs. 

Jared’s knee is slightly pressed against Jensen’s crotch, while Jared’s tongue is exploring Jensen’s mouth.

Jensen has to stop that. Right now. Otherwise he would wanna do things which he would regret later.

He breaks the kiss and moves a bit away from Jared.

“Can I see the sketches you made?”

Jared sits back. “Sure.” He looks a bit confused, but gets up to get his notebook from his backpack.

He hands Jensen the opened notebook and doesn’t dare to look at him.

“Oh my god! Jared! These sketches are amazing. All the details. My eyelashes, freckles. Can I keep it?”

Jared blushes and Jensen can’t help it.

“You look so cute when you get compliments. I might do that all day.” Jensen laughs. “But as much as I love these sketches, I wish I had a real picture of us. Can you get the Polaroid camera? It's in the drawer under the stereo.”

Jared gets up and walks over to the sideboard to get the Polaroid camera. 

But when he comes back to the couch, he is also holding a framed photograph in his hand.

“Who is that?” Jared hands the photograph over to Jensen.

It‘s him and Austin at a basketball game. Kissing.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Jared found that picture of Jensen and Austin, Jensen pours his heart out.  
> Jensen is sure that this ist the beginning of the end for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys. Thanks for sticking around for so long how.  
> This chapter was tough to write because I felt so sorry for the guys. It was very emotional and I hope that I was able to deliver that pain.
> 
> Thanks to VampireLady and Destruction9 for your help.
> 
> And check out that drawing Destruction9 made for that emotional scene 💖

**Chapter 7**

Yeah I'm a lucky man

To count on both hands

The ones I love

Some folks just have one

Yeah others they got none

Stay with me

Let's just breathe

(Pearl Jam/ Just Breathe)

  
  
  


**_Jared_ **

The look on Jensen’s face scares Jared. He regrets picking up the photograph without asking permission first.

It was obviously something Jensen didn’t want him to see. Why does he have to be so nosy?!

“‘M sorry, Jensen. Didn’t mean to snoop around. I can put it back if you want me to.” 

Jared is still standing in front of Jensen, who hasn’t stopped staring at the photo.

Jensen finally looks up. “No, it’s okay. I mean, I would have to tell you eventually, so why not rip the bandaid off now. Come, sit.”

He pats on the couch, gesturing Jared to sit down next to him.

“That’s me and Austin. He was my first boyfriend, and we broke up about a year ago.” Jensen looks back at him and Austin. All happy.

There is something sad about the way Jensen looks at that photo.

“You really don’t have to tell me if you don’t feel like it. I don’t mind. Really.” Jared puts his right hand on Jensen’s knee.

“I want to. I _have_ to. I‘m kinda glad you found that damn photo.” Jensen puts it on the coffee table and leans back into the couch.

“The story has a nasty ending. It will most likely ruin the way you think about me. I‘m really not proud of what I‘ve done, and the time after we broke up was hell.” Jensen closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

Jared is afraid of what Jensen’s gonna tell him, but he feels that Jensen has to get it off his chest.

“Okay, whatever it is, I’m sure I can handle it.” Jared smiles at Jensen.

“Well, Austin and I, we met in college when I was 19. He was the love of my life back then. After about a year and a half together I started to go to college parties more and more. I needed to let off some steam, because even though I loved college, it was quite exhausting. So many tests, even more assignments, group projects, studying. It started out with a party every Friday night. About three months later I was out almost every night, dancing, drinking.”

Jared is getting nervous and he starts pressing the tip of his index finger against the tip of his thumb.

“I felt great. For a few hours every night, I was free. I didn’t think about college. There was this guy. He was two years older than me, long black hair. He started flirting with me, he bought me drinks. We danced. One thing led to another and we ended up having sex in the men’s restroom.”

Jensen gets up and walks over to the kitchen and opens one of the drawers.

He lights a cigarette and walks over to the living room window, opens it and sits down on the windowsill.

Jensen blows the smoke out of the window. “I’m a stress smoker.”

Jared gets up and walks over to Jensen. He really didn’t want to cause such trouble. He was just curious who the guy was. Seems like he opened hell’s gate.

“We met again the next night. And the night after. Austin called every day and wanted to spend time with me, but I always made excuses. Too tired, too much to study.”

Jensen inhales and blows the smoke out of the window, facing away from Jared. Jared sits down next to him on the windowsill.

He wants to be close to Jensen, but he doesn’t dare to touch him or say anything. He just listens. He has a feeling that Jensen really needs to get this out.

“This guy made me feel good, alive. He gave me something I needed. I wasn’t sure what that was.” Jensen shakes his head and takes another draw from his cigarette.

“We drank a lot during that time. That guy and I. Smoked weed and fucked our brains out. I always felt so bad afterwards. I didn’t want to do this to Austin. I didn’t even want to do this to myself. But I came back to that place every night for two months.”

Jensen puts his cigarette out and places it in the jar that’s on the outer windowsill. 

Jared is kinda shocked about what he’s just learned about Jensen. He would have never thought that Jensen, who was so gentle to him that night, would be able to do something like that. But Jared can feel how miserable Jensen is and he has to fight so hard not to touch him, hug him. 

Jensen is still facing away from him.

“Then one night, Austin followed me to the club and he caught us having sex. I ran after him. I was prepared for a huge argument. Yelling, throwing things. Stuff like that. But nothing like that happened. Eventually I caught up with him outside the club. He just stood there under the streetlight. When I came closer, I saw that he was crying. I had never seen Austin cry before. It would have made things so much easier if he would have been mad at me. Calling me a son of a bitch. I would have known that he’d get over it. That he’d be okay in the end.

He asked me why I did that to him and all I could say was… All I said was, ‘I don’t know.’”

A tear drops on the back of Jensen’s hand. He doesn’t wipe it off. He just stares into the sky and continues.

“He said that he never thought I could hurt and disappoint him like that. That was the worst part. I hurt him and he didn’t deserve that. I honestly didn’t know what I could say to not make him feel that way.

When he left, he didn’t even look at me. I didn’t try to stop him.

The last thing he said to me that night was, ‘I never wanna see you again. Ever. Goodbye Jensen.’ And that was it. We haven’t talked to each other since.”

Jensen’s shoulders are rising and falling and Jared can see more tears falling on Jensen’s hand and jeans. And just like Jensen back then, Jared doesn’t know what to say. He just turns to Jensen and pulls him in for a hug. 

Jensen buries his face in Jared’s neck, his arms are hanging down. He just cries and cries. All that Jared can do is hold him. He caresses the back of Jensen’s head. The only sound is Jensen sobbing and mumbling, “I’m sorry. So sorry.” Like he is finally able to say to Jared what he wanted to say to Austin that night. 

They stay like that for the next half hour, Jared just holding Jensen’s shaking body. 

Jared tries to make sense of all this. Jensen telling him this big and obviously dark secret from his past.

He feels privileged that Jensen opened up to him and talked about him and Austin. But it’s also fucking frightening. What if that happens again? What if everything becomes too much and Jensen does it again?

Jared can _feel_ just how sorry Jensen is and how much this situation broke him, so he tries to focus on that. He kisses Jensen’s wet cheek.

When they break the hug, Jensen’s eyes are all red and puffy.

“Thanks for not walking away after what I’ve just told you.” Jensen tries to smile. “I need coffee. Want some?” 

Jensen wipes the remaining tears from his face and gets up. Jared does the same and they both walk over to the kitchen.

Jensen prepares the coffee machine and Jared sits down on the stool again.

“What happened after that night? Did you continue meeting that guy from the club?” Jared is moving around on the stool. He feels nervous again.

“No. I went back to my old place and just layed on the the couch for days. I didn’t eat, I didn’t sleep. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. That’s when I decided that I had to move. Start over. I moved here two weeks after Austin broke up with me.” Jensen lowers his head and Jared reaches over to grab his left wrist and pull him closer. 

He wants to be close to Jensen but he also needs space. This is not what he expected when he got here about two hours ago.

“I have another confession to make.” Jensen pulls away and pours the coffee into two mugs.

Jared is not sure if he can handle any more confessions.

  
  
  


**_Jensen_ **

  
  


This is such a fucked up situation. He has a crush on Jared. And Jared obviously has a crush on him.

They are supposed to be kissing all the time, touching, making sweet talk.

Instead, Jensen is talking about the shit show he put on a year ago.

He‘s sure that this is the beginning of the end.

Jared is still here, but who knows if that’ll still be the case after his next confession. 

Jensen hasn’t really talked about this to anyone. Not even Steve knows the entire story.

They walk back to the living room and sit down on the opposite ends of the couch.

Jared just stares into his coffee and Jensen feels sorry for them.

“So after I moved here and decided to get over Austin, I went out every weekend. I felt empty, and I thought, when I would go to parties again, I could feel better. I…”

Jensen stops talking and takes a huge sip from his coffee.

“Do you really wanna hear this Jared? You can still go.”

Jared puts the mug on the coffee table. “It’s too late now, don’t you think? I really didn’t expect this when I came here today. Just tell me what it is.”

Jensen takes a deep breath. “I slept with different men every weekend for about six months.” 

He stares into his coffee and hears Jared inhale sharply. When he looks up he can see that Jared is looking at the bedroom door.

“No! Not here! I never brought anyone home. Ever!” Jensen feels the urge to smoke another cigarette. But he stays put.

He looks at Jared, who just stares back and doesn’t say a word.

“You remember that moon labyrinth in Denman Estate Park?”

Jared just nods, fidgeting with the zipper of his pocket.

“I always felt empty when I was with these guys. I never really enjoyed it. It wasn’t even great sex. I did it to try and take my mind off of Austin. But it made everything worse. So one morning when I came back from a guy’s apartment, I walked through the park and just ended up walking the labyrinth. I was alone and I just crouched down in the middle of it and cried.

I realised why I kinda sabotaged my perfect relationship. I felt trapped, overwhelmed. I was 21, and I think I had kind of a midlife crisis, if that makes sense. I went to the park every morning before I went to school and reflected on what happened. I walked around, just being by myself, and I really thought I was over it. Until you handed me that picture.”

Jensen drinks the rest of his now cold coffee.

“Okay, that was it. Now you have seen and heard everything.” Jensen holds onto his empty coffee mug, waiting for Jared to say something. _Anything!_

“I...wow. Yeah. I think I have to thank you for being that honest with me, I guess? But this is a lot to, uh, take in. I’d like to drive back home now,” Jared says.

"Jared... I... I totally understand. But..." Jensen tries to find the words.

“Need time, uhm, to think about it. I’ll call you, I guess...”

“Jared..."

“Night Jensen.”

Jared gets up, picks up his backpack and is out of the door in seconds.

Jensen doesn’t move. He just sits on the couch and stares at the door. 

Jared is gone and Jensen has no idea if he will ever see him again.

  
  


**_Jared_ **

Jared sits in his mom's car, head against the headrest, his palms pressed into his eyes.

Why? Why did this have to happen to him the first time he has a crush on someone?! This is far from the fluffy stuff of the teenage romances he’s heard about.

He turns on the engine and cranks up the volume on his CD as he leaves the parking lot.

Pearl Jam’s “Blood” is blaring from the speakers and Jared screams from the top of his lungs while driving home.

_Spin me round roll me over_

_Fuckin' circus_

_Stab it down one way needle_

_Pulled so slowly_

_Drains and spills, soaks the pages fills their sponges_

_It's my blood_

_It's my blood_

_Paint Ed big, turn Ed into one of his enemies_

_It's my blood_

_It's my blood_

_It's my blood_

_Stab it down fill the pages suck the life out_

_Maker of my enemies_

_Take_

_My_

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck_

  
  


He puts it on repeat and is already feeling a bit better when he gets home.

It’s 5:30pm when he walks through the door and his mom is really surprised to see him.

“Jared, darling. Didn’t you say you won’t be home before 9? Everything alright?”

Jared walks up to her and just hugs her. “Yeah, everything’s good. What’s for dinner?”

“Your dad is playing poker with his friends and Megan is staying at Emma’s, so I didn’t plan on cooking anything. You wanna order some pizza?”

Jared sits down at the kitchen table. “Sounds good.”

His mom kisses his hair and walks into the living room. “Meet you in the kitchen in an hour.”

He goes to his room and takes a shower. This was a fucking weird day.

*******

Later that night he‘s watching _Back to the Future_ with his mom. He manages not to think about Jensen for almost two hours and it feels good. 

It‘s 10pm when they say good night and Jared goes back to his room. Alone with his thoughts.

He misses Jensen. He hates that he walked out on him like that, but he was just too overwhelmed by all the information. He couldn’t be in the same room with Jensen. 

In the end there is no guarantee that this won’t happen again. There are no guarantees in life at all.

So Jared decides to give Jensen a chance. He really seems to regret what he‘s done. And it wasn’t Jared who got hurt. This is something new and different.

He grabs his phone to call Jensen.

It rings 10 times before Jensen picks up.

_“Jared?”_

_“Yeah, it’s me.”_

_“I’m so glad you called. I really thought that this was it when you walked out the door.”_

_“It was just too much at the moment. I needed to be alone to think about it. To make a decision.”_

Jared can hear a deep breath on the other end of the phone.

“ _Okay.”_

_“That was a big confession you put out there. And I was very appalled by it. It’s a lot to deal with. You’re the first person I ever really had a crush on and it was all butterflies and rainbows. This totally stopped me in my tracks. I really like you, you know? And what happened is in the past. No one can change it. I wanna be with you. Wanna give you a chance. What do you think?”_

_“Oh my god, Jared. You have no freakin’ idea how happy that makes me. Because you know what, I also really like you. Thank you. Thanks for being so cool about it.”_

_“But don’t ever do something like that to me, you hear me?”_

_“Never! Promise.”_

_“Good night, Jensen.”_

_“Good night, Jay.”_

Jared puts the phone back on his nightstand, turns off the light and falls asleep right away.

  
  
  


**_Jensen_ **

Jensen ends the call and lights another cigarette. His last one.

He didn’t really think that Jared would call him, given the way he just walked away.

But he is right, that’s nothing you would normally share with your crush after just four days. But it’s out there now. No more secrets.

When Jensen is done with his cigarette, he closes the window and goes to turn off the light next to the couch when he sees the Polaroid camera. 

Hopefully they can take a picture or two the next time they meet.

  
  
  



	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's finally Saturday again and Jared is going to spent the weekend with Jensen.  
> First stop - Medina Lake. This is gonna be a hot day ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thanks for sticking with me so far! I really love writing this story and I love to read all your comments.  
> This chapter was so fun to write and there was a lot of day dreaming going on ^^  
> Enjoy!
> 
> And as always, thanks to VampireLady and Destruction9 for your help and feedback <3

**Chapter 8**

_Here far away_

_One could feel the earth vibrate_

_Moon changing shape and shade_

_As we all do under its gaze_

_Yellow moon on the rise_

_Yellow moon on the rise_

_(Pearl Jam/ Yellow Moon)_

  
  
  
  


**_Jared_ **

The rest of the week goes by pretty uneventfully. Jared has a lot of homework to finish, so Jensen and him just text all day and talk on the phone each night before Jared goes to bed.

On Friday he calls Chad to tell him about what happened on Monday after school. Chad also has some news for Jared, because he met a girl at basketball practice. Her name is Jennifer and she just moved here. They are lab partners and they will meet Saturday at Chad’s house.

Now Jared isn’t sure if Chad will still be his alibi for Saturday, because he planned to stay at Jensen’s place.

But Chad keeps his promise and Jared already thinks about how he could repay his friend. 

*********

**_Saturday_ **

Jared packs up all he needs for his first night at Jensen’s place. He even packs his big air mattress because he told his mom he is staying at Chad’s again. It’s going to be 80°F today, so maybe him and Jensen can go to a lake and actually use it.

Jared’s mom is happy that he’s finally started doing more with other people again, because lately he was home alone a lot.

It’s 11 am when he backs out of his parents’ driveway. 

Jared is in a good mood, stereo blaring, but this time it’s Aerosmith’s “Crazy” that he’s loudly singing along to.

He stops at a drugstore and buys a pack of condoms. He might not need them tonight, but he’s better safe than sorry.

He arrives at Jensen’s place at 11:30 and Jensen is sitting in the sun by his front door, reading a Rolling Stone magazine. 

He is so absorbed in the magazine that he doesn’t see Jared pull into the parking lot.

Jared takes the magazine out of Jensen’s hand. “Well, well, well. What can be more exciting than my arrival?” Jared laughs and kisses Jensen on the cheek.

“Hey Jay!” Jensen smiles from ear to ear and gets up from the bench.

Jared leans toward Jensen and gives him a deep kiss with a lot of tongue! It’s a warm, wet feeling with the taste of coffee.

“I missed that. I missed you,” Jared mumbles into Jensen’s mouth.

Jensen grabs Jared’s hand and pulls him inside the apartment.

Still kissing, he manages to maneuver them to the couch. Jensen lands on the couch and Jared is all over him, fingers in Jensen’s hair, kissing his mouth, his neck. Leaving pale hickeys. 

Jared is out of breath when he pulls away. 

“Those were the longest fucking four days of my life. I felt like I was waking up on Christmas morning today.” Jared grins as he gets comfortable on Jensen’s lap.

“I really don’t know how I managed to get through the week either. I missed having you here with me. How long can you stay?” Jensen asks as he looks up to Jared, grabbing his neck to pull him down for another kiss.

“Mhhh…I… I can stay until…tomorrow afternoon,” Jared whispers between kisses.

“We… I… We have to…stop Jensen. We have to…” Jared moves away from Jensen’s face. Cheeks flushed, lips red and swollen. He can feel his erection pressing against the zipper of his shorts. And he also feels Jensen’s growing length between his legs. 

Jared has to gather all of his willpower to get up from Jensen’s lap and sit down on the couch next to him. He could kiss Jensen’s lips forever. So luscious and wet.

“I can’t do that, Jen. Not now,” he says while he tries to hide his erection. 

“You are driving me nuts, Jay, you know that? Everything about you is so…” Jensen lets his eyes wander over Jared’s face and body.

“But yeah. We’re gonna do it at your pace. We have all the time in the world. What do you wanna do instead?”

Jensen gets up from the couch and doesn’t even try to hide his boner.

He walks toward the kitchen and Jared sneaks glances.

His heart beats fast and he desperately wants to touch Jensen.

“Jared? What do you wanna do instead?” Jensen’s voice pulls him out from his daydream.

“I brought my swim trunks and the big air mattress. I thought we could spend the day at the lake. It’s a one-hour drive from here to Medina Lake.”

Jared doesn’t want to rush things, but he is having such a difficult time keeping his hands to himself and imagining all the things he and Jensen could do.

“Sounds fantastic,” Jensen says when he comes back with some sparkling water and chocolate. He hands a bar to Jared.

“What’s that?” Jared asks.

“Dark chocolate with strawberry and mint filling. My all-time favorite.” Jensen smiles at Jared and takes a bite. “Try it.”

Jared takes a bite. “Mmmmmh, that’s interesting. Chocolaty and refreshing. I like it.”

After that they pack a cooler with snacks and soft drinks, and pack a big blanket and towels. They both change into their swim trunks before leaving.

They're getting in the car and after Jared starts the car, Jensen Puts in the newest _Chris Stapleton_ CD before placing his hand on Jared's thigh.

“I’m very happy that we get to spend the weekend together, you know?”

Jensen smiles at Jared, who answers with a big smile.

“Me too, Jen.”

*****

When they get there, they find a beach that is not too crowded and they settle down somewhere aloof to the other people at the beach.

Jared takes off his t-shirt and Jensen offers to put sunscreen on his back.

This is the first time Jensen is really touching him. Jared is lying on his stomach, Jensen sitting next to him. His hands feel strong and soft as he applies sunscreen to Jared’s back, shoulders, sides of his torso.

When Jensen is done he asks Jared if he can return the favor.

Jared opens his eyes and his face turns deep red. “I can’t get up, Jen. I can’t,” he whispers.

“Do you need my help?” Jensen asks with a puzzled look on his face.

“Oh god, no! You’re the reason I can’t get up.” Jared closes his eyes again.

“Why…OH!” Jensen’s eyes widen and he tries so desperately not to laugh.

“Yeah.”

Jared rolls his eyes as Jensen whispers into his ear, “I had no idea my hands are _that_ good. Do you really have an erection?”

“Yaha! And can we please stop talkin’ ‘bout it? It’s kinda embarrassing,” Jared hisses.

“Awww, c’mon Jay. I think it’s adorable.” Jensen shuts up as Jared glares at him. “Okay. ‘M sorry.”

Ten minutes later it’s Jared who is making sure that every part of Jensen’s backside is covered in sunscreen. The feeling of Jensen’s skin and muscles under his fingers is making him hard again. 

Going to the beach was probably not the best idea.

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

Jensen thinks of spiders. Huge black spiders, hairy and all. He cannot have a boner now after he laughed about Jared’s. Spiders. Disgusting, fat spiders.

And it works.

When they’re done, they inflate the air mattress and walk it into the lake. It’s a bit cold at first and Jensen is very aroused by the sight of Jared’s hard nipples. 

It’s deep enough to swim and they both swim side by side and push the mattress further out on the lake.

They are far away from the people at the beach now and Jensen moves closer to Jared. The water drops are glistening on Jared’s face. His hair is wet, his cheeks are flushed and his lips look so delicious. Soft, wet and pink. Holding onto the mattress with one hand, Jensen puts his other hand on Jared’s cheek and kisses him. A long and desperate kiss. When he breaks the kiss, they’re both out of breath. Jared closes the gap between them and wraps his legs around Jensen’s waist. 

Jensen lets out all the air in his lungs, like he was hit by a bucket of ice water. Jared’s hard dick is pressed against his erection and Jensen can feel that this is another part of Jared that is rather big.

He can’t believe that Jared is making the first move. 

Well, then again, it was Jared who made the first move on the bus. 

Jensen’s head is spinning from feeling Jared so close, wrapped around his hips. Thank god the water is still carrying them.

Jared grabs Jensen’s neck and pulls him in for another kiss. His tongue is exploring every inch of Jensen’s mouth. Jensen can’t help it as he moans into Jared’s mouth when Jared starts moving his hips, rubbing his boner on Jensen’s length. He can feel his boner twitch and Jared increases the friction. 

“Oh god, Jay. What are you doing?” Jensen says breathless, eyes closed, head falling back. “You’re gonna make me come!”

“Then my plan is working.” Jared keeps kissing Jensen’s neck. “You look so pretty right now, Jen. I could do this all day.” Jared shivers and has to catch his breath. “Keep going Jen. I can feel the storm building up in my stomach.” 

He closes his eyes and tightens the grip on Jensen’s neck.

“God, you feel so good between my legs.”

They keep kissing, messy and wet. Heavy breathing. With his free hand, Jensen presses Jared’s hips against him.

When Jared starts to shake, Jensen opens his eyes. 

“You okay, Jay?” Jensen asks worried.

“Stop talking, just move. I’m… Oh fuck… I… Ugh,” is all Jared can say.

“Oh my god. Me too. Oh… You… Uoah.”

Both of their heads just fall forward, foreheads touching—heavy moans, air pressed through their teeth—holding onto each other while the waves of their orgasms roll over them.

He kisses Jared when he doesn’t feel like he’s going to faint anymore.

“Jay, I… Wow! That was awesome and a real surprise. I thought you wanted to take it slow.”

Jared giggles. “Yeah, I know. But all that touching at the beach turned my brain into mush, and hey, I am a hormonal teenager. I have needs. It felt great to share that with you.” He smiles at Jensen and Jensen just grabs his face, kissing him.

“Thank you,” is all he says before he starts splashing water at Jared.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How will this make out session in the lake effect their night together at Jensen's place?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was able to write this chapter dowm pretty quickly but it still took forever to make it perfect.  
> I hope you enjoy it as much as I did ;)
> 
> Thanks again to VampireLady and Destruction9 for your help :)
> 
> I edited the youtube playlist.
> 
> As always- throw your feedback my way <3

**_Chapter 9_ **

_ But I won't hesitate no more, no more _

_ It cannot wait, I'm yours _

_ Well open up your mind and see like me _

_ Open up your plans and damn you're free _

_ Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love _

_ (I'm Yours/ Jason Mraz) _

  
  
  


**_Jared_ **

When he decided to spend the day at the beach with Jensen, he had no idea they would be making out in the lake. 

But all the touching at the beach got Jared so horny that he literally stopped thinking as soon as Jensen kissed him while floating in the lake.

Jared’s instincts took over and he let his feelings lead him.

It was overwhelming for him to share that with Jensen. Being carried by the water made it extra special.

This was his first sexual experience with another person, aside from the short kiss he shared with Cathy at Chad’s pool party last summer.

Everyone told him it would be awkward, that first time really making out.

But it isn’t for Jared. He feels safe with Jensen, because he knows that Jensen won’t do anything he‘s not okay with.

They stay in the water for a while after making out—swimming, pushing each other across the lake on the mattress, kissing. God, there are so many kisses! Jared is addicted to Jensen’s taste. The feeling of his lips on his own—soft, wet, longing.

Back at the beach they have some sandwiches and water. They lay on their blanket for quite some time, enjoying the sun, talking about the past week.

Jensen brought his polaroid camera and suggests a silly idea to Jared.

Jared agrees and they both dig a hole big enough for Jared to lie in.

Jensen covers him with sand and makes sure that he has the most beautiful breasts in Texas.

It feels great for Jared to have all of Jensen’s attention. 

Jared is giggling so hard that the sand breaks countless times and Jensen has to remold the breasts.

When he is satisfied with the end result, he snaps a picture of his beach beauty.

After that, Jared breaks through the surface of his sand-body and walks back into the lake to get rid of as much sand as possible.

He definitely needs to take a shower when they get back to Jensen’s place.

Jared makes a mental note: sex on the beach only happens on a blanket.

When he gets back to the blanket, Jensen hands him a towel.

He wraps himself in it and sits down next to Jensen.

“We didn’t get the chance to take a picture of us the last time. I’d love to do that now.” Jensen looks at Jared, hopeful.

“Sure thing,” Jared says as he scoots closer to Jensen, putting his chin on Jensen’s shoulder, smiling his biggest smile.

Jensen takes two pictures. In the first one, both of them are looking at the camera, smiling like it’s a contest.

In the second one, Jared had turned his head to the side and kissed Jensen on the cheek just as he snapped the picture.

Jared’s eyes are closed and Jensen has a surprised smile on his face.

Jared takes the photo from Jensen’s hand once it is fully developed.

“I wanna keep it and look at it whenever I miss you.” With that, he places another kiss on Jensen’s cheek.

It feels so easy to be with Jensen that Jared still finds it hard to believe that they’ve only known each other for just one week.

It’s close to 7pm when they pack up their stuff, put on their shirts and head back home.

They stop at a burger place for dinner on their way. Delicious pulled pork burgers and vanilla ice cream with caramel sauce.

They arrive at Jensen’s place just past 9pm and put the towels and mattress out on the patio of Jensen’s apartment to dry.

Jared still feels sand in places he didn’t even know he could get sand in, so he takes some clean boxers and a t-shirt from his backpack and heads to the shower. Meanwhile, Jensen empties the cooler and gets the couch ready.

Since the sand got  _ everywhere, _ it takes Jared forever to get rid of it.

While making sure he removes all of it in the shower, his mind wanders back to those very intimate moments they shared in the lake. Their bodies pressed against each other, his legs wrapped around Jensen’s waist, boners rubbing against each other until they both came. And sure enough, he gets hard again.

Jared doesn’t want to go to sleep being as randy as he is right now, so he just leans his head against the tiles in the shower and jerks himself off, the warm water running over his head and down his back.

When he comes, he presses his teeth together, trying very hard to be quiet.

He turns the water as cold as possible afterwards and steps back under the stream.

Jared really hopes it’ll calm down his hormones.

He’s so hot for Jensen, it hurts.

And the funny thing is, it doesn’t feel weird. Jared feels like he is finally where he’s supposed to be.

Clean and dry, he puts on his boxers and shirt and goes back into the living room.

“What are you doing, Jen?” Jared stops in the doorway and looks at Jensen.

“I’m making your bed. I thought you might not be ready to sleep in the same bed with me yet.” Jensen scratches his head and looks at Jared.

Jared bursts out in laughter. “Oh Jensen! We made out in the lake. We came together, for fuck sake. Of course I’m going to sleep in the same bed with you. Unless  _ you _ are not ready yet.” He winks at Jensen.

“Okay, okay. That was stupid. I’m gonna put this away.” Jensen pulls the sheets from the couch and walks back to the bedroom.

Jared turns off the lights in the living room and follows Jensen.

When he enters the bedroom, the curtains are closed. A small lamp on the nightstand bathes the room in an orange glow.

Jared closes the door behind him.

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

Jensen’s glad that Jared‘s okay with sleeping in the same bed. It would have been absolute torture for him to know that Jared is so close but he can’t touch him.

He puts the sheets and the pillow back into the closet. When he turns around, Jared’s already gotten comfortable on the bed. 

Jensen looks at him and feels the butterflies again. His stomach drops and this amazing and strange feeling washes over him.

Happiness with a hint of nausea.

Jared is here with him, and they will spend the night together.

In one bed.

Jensen can’t wait to wake up next to that beautiful boy in the morning.

He walks over to the bed and crawls under the cover, moving closer to Jared.

Jared looks at him with so much heart and lust at the same time that Jensen only manages to mumble, “Oh Jared, you’re driving me crazy,” before he kisses him. A soft brush on the lips. Another one to Jared’s cheek and a few more along his jawline.

Jared closes his eyes, leans his head to the side so Jensen has free access to his neck. When he starts kissing and licking Jared’s neck, Jared lets out a deep and guttural “ _ mmmmh.” _

“You feel so cold,” Jensen whispers between kisses. 

“Yeah.” Another long and deep “ _ mmmmh”  _ escapes Jared’s throat. “I tried to cool myself down. Guess it didn’t work. Ugh, do that again, please.” Jared’s eyes are still closed as he grabs Jensen’s left arm.

Jensen is sucking on Jared’s neck. Gently biting him. Leaving little, faint marks all over Jared’s exposed skin.

He is very careful, because Jared probably doesn’t want to go home with bite marks to explain to his parents.

“Can I take off your shirt?” Jensen asks, sitting up.

Jared opens his eyes and also sits up. “Anything.”

Jensen grabs the hem of Jared’s shirt as Jared lifts his arms above his head.

He slowly pulls it over Jared’s head and arms in order not to hurt him.

He wants this to be a night to remember.

Jared isn’t one of his one-night stands. And apart from that little make-out session in the lake today, he doesn’t seem to have any sexual experience with guys before. Maybe at all.

So Jensen tries to go easy on him, even though everything inside him is on fire.

Jensen drops the shirt on the floor and moves closer to Jared, pushing him into the pillows.

Jared looks at him with rosy cheeks. “Take yours off too, please.”

It is more of an order than anything else, really.

Jensen is shirtless in no time and gets back to Jared.

His eyes wander from Jared’s face to his chest. His nipples are erect and Jensen touches one with his thumb, slowly caressing it, rolling it between his fingertips, and Jared reacts by tilting his head back.

“Oh god, Jen.” Jared arches his back.

“You like that?” Jensen keeps rolling and pinching.

“Ya bet I do… Ugh.” 

When Jensen bends over to close his lips around Jared’s pink nipple, Jared grabs the sheets, holding on with a tight grip.

Jensen sucks, circling it with his tongue while simultaneously rubbing his thumb over Jared’s other nipple.

“Shit, Jen.” Jared lets out a deep moan, rolling his head from side to side.

Jensen places one of his legs between Jared’s, and he immediately starts rubbing his erection on Jensen’s thigh.

Jensen releases Jared’s wet and sensitive nipple and blows on it, which sends chills down Jared’s spine. 

“This is like the hottest thing I’ve ever done. To see and feel your reaction is killing me. Want me to continue?” Jensen catches Jared’s look.

“Oh my god, yes. Absolutely. Please don’t stop,” Jared pleads.

Jensen kisses his way down from Jared’s chest to his stomach. He licks the sweat of his skin, nibbling here and there, trying very hard not to leave any marks behind. Even though he really wants to so that Jared can remember this every time he looks at them.

He holds onto Jared’s waist, finally kissing along the small trail of hair leading down into Jared’s boxers.

Jared is still clenching the sheets when Jensen lifts his head, trying to make eye contact with him.

“Can I touch you?”

  
  


**_Jared_ **

Jared is sure he’s gonna come untouched from all that licking and biting from Jensen.

He feels like a volcano, ready to erupt!

Hearing Jensen ask if he can touch him makes Jared both excited and nervous at the same time.

He‘s never been touched like this by anyone before, but it’s Jensen who’s asking and Jared really wants to feel him. Everywhere.

He nods and mouths the word  _ Yes,  _ not able to speak.

Jensen locks his eyes with Jared’s and gently puts his hand on Jared’s hard dick, only separated by a thin layer of cotton.

The moment Jensen places his hand on Jared’s swollen cock, Jared lets out a toneless “OH” and presses himself against Jensen’s palm.

“Wow, Jared. You are so  _ big _ !” Jensen says, surprised, and bites his lower lip.

“Touch me, Jen, please!” Jared says, breathless, still pressing his pulsating dick against Jensen’s palm.

Jensen slowly moves his hand up and down Jared’s length. It’s not enough pressure for Jared, so he lifts his hips a little more.

Jensen gets the hint and increases the pressure of his hand, putting his fingers around Jared’s dick.

“I wanna take off your boxers, Jay. See your beautiful dick.” Jensen slightly squeezes Jared’s boner.

The blood is rushing in Jared’s ears and his loins are burning so hot.

“Yes. Yes!” he pants, ready to do it himself if Jensen waits one more second.

Jensen puts his fingers under the waistband of Jared’s boxers and pulls them down.

He gets rid of them completely and gets back between his legs.

Jared’s eyes switch between Jensen’s face and his hands. 

He wants to see the expression on Jensen’s face when he touches him, but he also wants to see Jensen’s hands on his dick.

Jared’s entire body shudders when Jensen finally touches his dick. Skin to skin. Warm and soft.

“Looks beautiful, Jay, just like you.”

If possible, Jared’s head gets even hotter.

Jared feels gentle strokes along the underside of his cock, moving along very slow, and he’s ready to explode.

To see Jensen’s hand caressing his dick is such a hot view.

“More,” Jared moans and Jensen closes his fingers around his dick and starts to move. Very slowly. Up and down.

Jared thrusts into Jensen’s hand, desperate for more friction.

Jensen’s other hand plays with Jared’s balls, squeezing and tugging tenderly.

Jared is a sweaty mess. His breathing is heavy, noises he didn’t know he could make are coming from his mouth. 

His head is rising and falling. He wants to see Jensen, but he feels like he’s going to faint.

Suddenly he feels something warm and wet around the head of his dick. He looks up and sees Jensen closing his lips around his cock.

Jared can’t do anything else other than hiss and let out a flood of curse words.

Jensen takes Jared’s dick almost completely in, then presses his tongue against it as he slowly withdraws the length from his mouth. He circles the tip with his tongue before sucking Jared’s cock back in completely.

“Can’t, Jen…have to...” His eyes meet Jensen’s and Jensen lets him know that it’s okay.

There is a huge ball of fire burning inside Jared’s loins, and when he erupts, his back arches, eyes squeezed shut, fingernails piercing into the skin of Jensen’s shoulders.

Three small thrusts into Jensen’s mouth and then he just collapses.

His entire body tingles.

He feels incredible. 

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

Jensen is buzzing. It feels amazing making Jared squirm under him, moaning and coming.

He can taste the saltiness of Jared’s come on his tongue, mixed with Jared’s aroma.

His shoulders are probably bruised and bleeding, but it was all worth it.

He moves over to get next to Jared, who is still out of breath, eyes closed. Not moving.

“Are you okay, Jare?” He wipes hair from Jared’s sweaty forehead and smiles at the look of Jared’s flushed cheeks.

“Hmmm.” Jared smiles and Jensen kisses his forehead.

He puts his head on Jared’s chest and his arm around his waist.

Jared can only move his head a bit, so that his cheek touches Jensen’s forehead.

They both fall asleep like that.

  
  


*****

  
  


Jensen gradually wakes up. His mind is foggy. It’s still dark outside and usually he doesn’t wake up at night.

He tries to fully wake up when he feels something between his legs.

Jared is touching him.

“Hey, Jay,” he says, smiling.

“Since I am not unconscious anymore, I wanted to try it too. Because what you did to me felt unbelievably good.” He kisses Jensen’s shoulder, his hand still rubbing along Jensen’s dick.

Jensen reaches down and puts his hand on top of Jared’s. Jensen’s hard already and he needs Jared to touch him. Without fabric between his cock and Jared’s hand.

He takes off his boxers and Jared places his hand back on Jensen’s cock, closing his fingers around it.

Jensen has a hard time focusing on what Jared is doing to his dick because Jared’s hard, naked erection is pressed against his bare hip.

Jensen’s dick twitches.

Jared shuffles down the bed a bit to kiss Jensen’s stomach, just the way Jensen did a few hours ago.

He grabs Jared’s hair, moaning, moving his hips in circles.

When Jared touches his penis with his lips, kissing every inch of it,

it’s Jensen who turns into a cussing mess. “Fuck!”

He moves his leg to the side so Jared has enough space to work his cock.

Jared kisses his way back to the head of Jensen’s dick and closes his lips around it.

He starts sucking. Carefully. And then all of a sudden he starts humming, his mouth still closed around Jensen’s throbbing cock.

“Shiiiit! Jared. Oh my god.” Jensen tightens the grip on Jared’s hair.

Jensen feels like electricity is shooting through his entire body. All of his nerve endings are buzzing. He can hardly breathe.

What the fuck is that?!

“Jared…” And with that, he comes. Toes curling, clenching the sheets and Jared’s hair. 

“Ngha… Oh fuck… Hng.”

Empty. He shakes in waves when Jared slowly glides his mouth off of Jensen's penis.

Suddenly Jared appears above his face, kissing him. He licks Jensen’s lips and Jensen lets Jared's tongue slide inside his mouth. He tastes Jared and himself in that kiss. “Mmmmh… Jay…that was…mmmmh…amazing…you sure…mmmmh…you’ve never…done this…before?”

Jared breaks the kiss and props himself up on his elbow.

“Nope. Haven’t. But remember, I’m still a hormonal teenager and I watch porn.”

He giggles and Jensen kisses him again.

“Incredible. So I guess I can’t teach you anything new then.” Jensen raises an eyebrow.

“Oh, I wasn’t even sure if this would work and if you would like it. After all, it is just porn. And there is so much more you can show me. This was better than I imagined it to be. I was a bit afraid I would be clumsy or something. Thanks for being my first.”

And with that, he kisses Jensen one last time before he turns off the light and settles comfortably on Jensen’s chest.

They really need to get some sleep.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Jensen are taking big steps in this chapter, that will change their relationship <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This just happened to be a longer chapter again and it was so much fun to write it! It is one of my favorites.  
> I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
> 
> As always, thanks to VampireLady and Destruction9 for your help.
> 
> Don't forget to leave Kudos and your feedback. Both is very apprechiated <3

**_Chapter 10_ **

_ You're just too good to be true _

_ Can't take my eyes off of you _

_ You'd be like Heaven to touch _

_ I wanna hold you so much _

_ At long last, love has arrived _

_ And I thank God I'm alive _

_ You're just too good to be true _

_ Can't take my eyes off of you _

_ (Can't Take My Eyes off You/Frankie Valli) _

  
  
  


**_Jensen_ **

  
  


There’s a small ray of sunshine that’s coming through the crack in the curtains. Jensen slowly blinks.

He’s naked and there’s a hand resting on his waist.

Jensen smiles. Jared’s here. They really spent the night together.

He’s slowly turning around, trying not to wake up Jared. 

He moves his face close to Jared’s so he can really look at him.

Jared must be dreaming, because Jensen can see his eyes moving rapidly behind his closed eyelids.

The corners of his mouth are moving randomly. His beautiful, pink lips.

Jensen would love to touch his face, kiss his mouth. But watching Jared sleep is even better. He looks so peaceful. 

Moving very carefully, Jensen gets out of bed and goes to the living room to get the Polaroid camera from his backpack.

When he gets back to the bed, Jared’s still sleeping and Jensen takes a photo of him.

The noise of the camera makes Jared frown, but he smiles when he opens his eyes and looks into Jensen’s face.

“Hey Jen,” he says with a raspy voice, and his smile grows wider.

“Good morning, beautiful,” Jensen answers with a smile himself.

“How’d you sleep?” He puts the camera on the nightstand next to him and kisses Jared on the forehead.

“Like a rock. Guess we knocked each other out last night, huh?”

Jared mentioning what happened last night makes Jensen’s dick twitch.

He still can’t believe what Jared did to him. That was the best blowjob he’s ever had.

Jensen moves his gaze from Jared’s eyes to his mouth and brushes his lips against Jared’s, who gets ahold of Jensen’s neck and pulls him closer.

Lazy Sunday morning kisses. Jensen can already feel his dick growing.

He starts running his fingers down Jared’s chest, along his waistline, until he gets to his hip bone.

He can feel the goosebumps on Jared’s skin. They keep kissing and Jared presses his dick against Jensen.

He slowly starts rubbing himself against Jared who meets his movements.

Jared then puts his leg over Jensen’s hips to increase the friction.

Slow movements, Jensen nibbles on Jared’s lower lip. They’re breathing and softly moaning into each other’s mouths.

When they come, they’re holding onto each other tight as the waves of their orgasms run through their bodies.

Jensen tastes blood when he lets go of Jared’s mouth.

“Oh, you’re bleeding.” He touches Jared’s lip.

“‘S not so bad.” Jared licks the blood off and turns around to grab a shirt from the floor. He wipes the come off of himself and Jensen.

“Guess we have to shower.” Jared gives Jensen a crooked smile.

“I go first.” He rolls out of bed and walks into the living room to get another pair of boxers from his backpack.

“I don’t have a clean t-shirt left. Can I borrow one of yours?” he says as he walks back into the bedroom, where Jensen still lies on the bed. 

“Course. Left closet.” Jensen is very happy about the full-size mirrors on his closet doors. He gets to see Jared naked. Front and back. At the same time.

But for the love of god, he cannot get another erection.

He picks up his boxers from the floor and puts them on before walking into the kitchen.

  
  


**_Jared_ **

He can wear one of Jensen’s shirts and he chooses an older one, faded black, very soft. Jensen must have worn it quite often. It has a big, crumbled  _ Jurassic Park _ print on the front.

Jensen’s in the kitchen making coffee and toast when Jared walks over to the bathroom.

Once again he gets in the shower, hot water running down his face.

Sex is amazing. So much different from touching himself alone in his bed or the shower. His orgasm felt so much bigger with Jensen’s mouth around his dick. And when he closes his eyes, he can still feel the soft and velvety skin of Jensen’s dick in his own mouth.

After he is done, he puts on his clothes and walks back to Jensen, who is having his coffee in the kitchen.

“Gonna take a shower as well. I put everything out on the counter. Make yourself at home.” 

*****

After breakfast, they just cuddle up on the couch and watch TV.

“We have this basketball thing at school on Wednesday. It starts at 10. I could stay overnight because I don’t have to be at school so early. Would that be okay?” Jared lifts his head from Jensen’s chest.

“I only have to go back to the campus on Thursday, so yeah. I would love to see you again. Can we still meet on the weekend, though?”

Jared smiles. “Yeah, I think we could do that.” He gets comfortable on Jensen’s chest again.

They’re watching  _ Star Wars - A New Hope.  _ Jared loves to discuss the story with Jensen, because at home no one is interested in watching the movie with him.

It‘s 4pm when Jared has to pack his belongings and air mattress and load the car. 

He comes back to Jensen’s apartment and they spend at least ten minutes at the front door saying goodbye.

Lots and lots of kisses. “You really have to leave already? It’s only 4. Can’t you stay another hour?”

Jensen looks so damn cute, begging Jared to stay. Big green puppy eyes looking at him.

“Oh please, Jen. Don’t make it any harder than it already is. I’d love to stay here with you for another  _ month _ . But I had to promise my mom to be back at 5 to help her with dinner. Plus I have to go to school tomorrow, and still have some math homework to finish.” Jared rolls his eyes and kisses Jensen again.

“I really have to go now. I’ll text you when I get home, ‘kay?” Another kiss.

“Okay. Drive safe.”

Jensen stands in the doorway until he can’t see Jared’s car anymore.

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

  
  


Jensen’s alone again. Unfortunately he found an opened pack of cigarettes in his backpack and he sits down on his patio and lights one. He really needs to stop smoking, but right now calming his nerves is more important. Jensen is falling so hard for Jared, and he can’t find the ripcord for his parachute.

He just keeps free falling. Jensen can’t remember when he had these strong feelings for the last time. He didn’t even feel that way when he first started dating Austin. And that thought alone is fucking scary. Sure, there were butterflies and all that. And back then, Austin was the love of his life. But it never felt as easy as it does with Jared. 

When he is done, he goes back inside, takes his guitar and a notepad, and sits down on the couch.

Jensen always had a way with words, and right now he needs to get his feelings out.

He remembers the feeling when he woke up next to Jared—watching him sleep—and a feeling of coming home washes over him.

Jensen closes his eyes for a few minutes, smiling.

Within one hour he writes a song about waking up next to Jared.

He’s not sure if Jared will ever hear it, though.

The guitar in his hands, Jensen hums the melody and tries to play it.

He’s bending over to the coffee table to write down some chords when he hears his phone ringing.

Jensen has to get up and grab it from his backpack. When he looks at the display, he sees Jared’s name.

There‘s that smile again: the one that can lighten up an entire room.

_ “Hey, Jared.” _

_ “Hey, Jen. Just got home ten minutes ago.” _

_ “Miss you already.” _

_ “Miss you too. Just wanted to let you know I made it home okay. _

_ Gotta go now, Mom is calling. Read ya when I go to bed. Bye Jen.” _

_ “Bye Jay.” _

It was nice hearing Jared’s voice again, even though they said goodbye just an hour ago.

When the song is finished, Jensen gets dressed and goes to ride his bike. He still has so much excess energy he has to get rid of before going to bed.

  
  


**_Jared_ **

They have chicken-fried steak, one of Jared’s favorites.

After dinner, he says good night to his parents and sister and goes to his room.This time he actually manages to finish his homework.

Later, he lies on his bed. “Lightning Crashes” by Live is playing in the background when he pulls the picture that Jensen took of them at the beach out from his backpack.

Jared gets lost in Jensen’s smile. How can he be so beautiful, so perfect?

Just as he’s about to run his fingers over the picture, someone opens his door without bothering to knock.

He reacts fast and slides the picture between some books he keeps on his nightstand.

Megan enters the room and, before she can say anything, Jared rolls his eyes, saying, “Megs, how many times have I told you to knock before you enter my room?”

“Yeah, sorry. I’m tired. Can I have your portable CD player for the night? My stereo isn’t working.”

“Sure.” He smiles at his little sister and grabs it from his backpack.

“Night Megs.” Jared squeezes her hand.

“Night Jare.”

She closes the door behind her and Jared is alone again. That was way too close. He hates the fact that his parents are against locking doors. Any door. It would have spared him so many embarrassing moments throughout his life.

Jared takes his phone and sends a text to Jensen.

_ “My sister just walked into my room as I was looking at the photo we took at the beach. I am not ready yet for them to know. Sleep tight. Jay” _

He takes the photo back out and leans back into his pillows. Jensen looks happy and so does Jared.

He puts the photo back between the books and turns off the light when he hears his phone buzzing.

“ _ Did she see the photo? You will get there Jay. Sweet dreams. Jen” _

He texts right back.

_ “She didn’t. I just have to be more careful until I am ready for the world to know ;-) Jay” _

Jared has the sweetest dreams that night.

  
  


******

  
  


Jared visits Jensen on Tuesday and they spend the afternoon at Elmendorf Lake Park again, exploring the rest of it.

Jensen brought a basketball and they practise together. Jared has to admit that Jensen’s pretty good. 

Jared would love to kiss Jensen in public, but he’s still too afraid that someone he knows might see them.

Jared’s age group ends up second place at the basketball event at his school. 

He wishes Jensen could’ve been there to cheer him on.

They also spend the weekend together. And the one after that, as well.

It’s mid-May already and he hasn’t really seen Chad in four weeks. Jared spent most of his free time at Jensen’s and Chad hung out with Jenny a lot, even at school, so there wasn’t much time to talk. So this Saturday, instead of going to Jensen’s, he spends some time with Chad catching up.

After they finish watching  _ Star Wars - The Empire Strikes Back,  _ Chad finally wants more details about Jensen.

“So, Jare, clue me in. How are things with Jensen? I assume it’s good since we haven’t seen much of each other in awhile.” He winks at Jared.

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that, man. Really didn’t mean to take advantage of your friendship like that. But this thing with Jensen is all so new for me and I don’t know. I guess I needed some time to see what it turns into. But to be honest, I think I have a huge crush on him. He’s my first thought when I wake up, and the last one before I fall asleep. I know, that sounds super corny.” Jared smiles and his cheeks redden when he looks back at his friend.

Chad smiles back. “Guess we have somethin’ in common, then. I don’t mean Jensen, of course.” He bursts out in laughter when he sees Jared’s puzzled look. “I’m talkin’ ‘bout Jenny and me.”

“Oh, okay.” Jared has to laugh as well. “She seems like a nice girl. You really like her, don’t you?”

“Yeah, as you know, we spend a lot of time together. She’s funny, smart, beautiful, and she also likes  _ Star Wars _ . The four of us should spend more time together, you’d like her. And oh boy, kissing her feels amazing!”

“I’ll just take your word for it.” Jared pats Chad’s back. “Are you two a couple?”

“I think not? I mean, I haven’t asked her and she hasn’t asked me yet. But we’re not seeing other people. So I guess we kinda are.” Chad shrugs.

“I’m glad you two can be together like this. The thing is, I really like Jensen, and it’s so hard not to be able to talk about that with someone. You’re the only one I’ve told so far. I mean, I wanna hug and kiss him in public, but I’m too afraid that someone I know will see us and tell my parents. I just wanna do what everyone else does who’s dating, you know?” Jared‘s pacing again in front of Chad’s bed. Just like he did when he told Chad about his first date with Jensen.

“I feel so comfortable with Jensen. Having these feelings for him doesn’t even seem weird anymore. I don’t wanna hide that. Fuck, Chad. What am I supposed to do?” Jared stops by the window and looks at his friend.

“Well, you told  _ me _ and you survived it. Talk to your mom. I know her, I'm sure she'll be okay with this. And all this hiding stresses you out. That’s not healthy, man.” Chad walks over to Jared and puts his arm around his shoulder. “Talk to her. You can call me afterwards if you want.”

“Thanks. I’m gonna do that.” Jared gives Chad a relieved smile.

“Uhm, Jare?” Chad asks.

“What’s up?” They both sit down on Chad’s bed.

“Would you mind leaving now?”

Jared’s eyes widen as he hears Chad’s word.

“What? Why?” Jared asks.

“Jenny is coming over in half an hour and I have to shower. She’ll be spending the night since my parents aren’t home. And, you know, tonight might be  _ the _ night.” Chad looks excited and nervous at the same time and Jared has to giggle.

“Yeah, okay. I get it. Thanks again, and good luck.” They hug and say goodbye. “I know the way. See ya.” Jared waves at him and is soon out the door.

*****

He calls Jensen on his way to the car.

_ “Hey! What’s up?”  _

Jared can hear the smile in Jensen’s voice.

_ “Hey Jen. I’m just leaving Chad’s. I’ve gotta talk to you. Can I come over?” _

_ “Sure. Everything alright?” _

_ “Yeah. Just need to talk to you.” _

_ “Okay, I’ll be here. See ya.” _

They hang up and Jared starts the engine. He’s not sure if he will have the nerves once he arrives at Jensen’s place, but he at least has to try.

****

It’s 5:30pm when Jared arrives at Jensen’s place and he can see Jensen sitting at the windowsill, reading.

Once Jensen spots him, he‘s at the door in no time.

“Hey Jay.” Jensen pulls Jared inside and grabs his face. “I missed you,” is all he says before he kisses Jared.

Jared is Jello in Jensen’s arms. He missed Jensen too.

“How much time do you have?” Jared walks over to the couch.

“I have to leave around 7. I’m meeting Steve for a jam session. Spill it, what do you wanna talk about? You’re making me nervous.” Jensen sits down next to Jared.

“Okay. So. Uhm. We’ve been seeing each other for a month now. And I really like you. Like, a lot.” Jared gets up and starts pacing. He can hardly look at Jensen. “And every time we’re out in public it’s killing me not to be able to hug you, kiss you and all that, you know? I’m tired of sneaking around, lying to my parents, finding excuses, hiding your picture. I want to tell my mom about you. About us. And uhm, before I do that, I wanted to ask you…” Jared takes a few deep breaths, still pacing in front of the coffee table.

“Yes,” is all that Jensen says.

“What?” Jared stops and looks at Jensen.

“You were going to ask me if I wanna be your boyfriend, right? And the answer to that is  _ yes.”  _ Jensen gets up and walks over to Jared.

“Yes, that’s what I wanted to ask you. If we, if we could make it kinda official.”

Jensen grabs Jared’s hands. “Yes, we can totally do that. So, I guess we’re boyfriends now, huh?” He smirks and kisses Jared.

“Hey boyfriend.” Jensen plants another kiss on Jared’s lips. 

“Hey boyfriend.” Jared deepens the kiss, his tongue searching for Jensen’s.

It feels like the kiss seals the deal. Jared has a boyfriend. Jensen is Jared’s boyfriend. Jensen and Jared.

Jared breaks the kiss. “I’m so relieved. You have no idea.”

Jensen pulls Jared back to the couch, onto his lap. “Oh believe me. I too am very relieved. I’ve wanted this for quite a while now. But I felt that you have to figure this out first.” Jensen smiles at him. “So you really wanna tell your mom about us?” Jensen squeezes Jared’s hand.

“Yeah, I think she’s the one who’ll understand it best. And when she’s on board, she can help me talk to my dad. I don’t wanna hide this anymore. I mean, I wanna introduce you to my family. I want you to come over for BBQs, birthdays and stuff like that.” Jared gets up. “I’m glad we talked about this. But I’ve gotta go now. I wanna talk to my mom while I have enough courage built up. Gonna call you later, ‘kay?” One last kiss and Jared’s out the door.

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

  
  


They are boyfriends now. Jensen’s very surprised that it happened that way, but he’s glad Jared made that decision. 

He’s too happy to stay put until it’s actually time to go to Steve’s, so he just grabs his guitar and his bike and is on his way in ten minutes.

  
  


*****

Jensen arrives an hour early at Steve’s place. He finds his friend in his basement studio, together with Chris.

“Hey, you’re early!” Steve gets up to hug Jensen.

“Hey Chris, long time no see. C’mere.” Chris and Jensen share a long hug. It’s been months since the three of them hung out together.

“What’s up with that big-ass smile, Ackles?” Chris asks as everyone sits down again.

“I have a boyfriend.” He smiles at Chris like a teenager who just got a kiss from his crush.

“Hey, congrats man! How come?” Chris hands Jensen a beer.

“Yeah, spill it, pretty boy,” Steve says as he leans back into his chair.

“Well, Steve already knows about Jared. I’m gonna sum it up for you real quick. Jay and I met about a month ago on the bus. He gave a piece of paper to me with his number on it after we flirted on the bus. He’s almost 18. We met the day after that and spent 16 hours together, most of it in Elmendorf Lake Park. We kissed that night, and we’ve spent pretty much every weekend together since that day. I’m his first guy and today he asked me to be his boyfriend. He’s on his way home just now, actually, to come out to his mom.” Jensen empties half of his beer in one go.

“Aww, Jenny got himself a baby boy. Good for you! I thought you might never get to that point again after Austin.” Chris clinks his bottle with Jensen’s.

He clearly seems happy that Jensen’s found someone he really likes. He couldn’t stand watching him going home with another guy every night.

“About Austin. One week after we started seeing each other, Jared found a picture of me and Austin. I told him everything and, thankfully, he called me after he left without saying much. I really thought that was it and I’d never see him again. So we promised each other there will be no secrets between us.” Jensen drinks the rest of his beer. “So, enough girl talk. Let’s start playing. I have an idea for a song. Only the lyrics and the basic melody so far. It’s a bit different from the stuff we usually play.” Jensen takes out his guitar and the notepad from his guitar bag and starts playing what he has so far.

_ Well our hearts beat like thunder _

_ I don't know why they don't explode _

_ You got your hands in my back pockets _

_ And Sam Cooke's singin' on the radio _

_ You say that I'm the boy who can make it all come true _

_ Well I'm tellin' ya that I don't know if I know what to do _

_ You say that's all right, hold tight _

_ Well I don't even know if I'm doin' this right _

_ Well all right, hold tight _

_ We can stay out all day or we can run around all night _

_ Well all night, all night _

_ Well it's time to go home _

_ And I ain't even done with the night _

_ Well I don't know no good come-ons _

_ And I don't know no cool lines _

_ I feel the heat of your frustration _

_ I know it's burnin you up deep down inside _

_ You say that I'm the boy who can make it all come true _

_ Well I'm tellin’ ya that I don't know if I know what to do _

_ You say that's all right, hold tight _

_ Well I don't even know if I'm doin' this right _

_ Well all right, hold tight _

_ We can stay out all day or we can run around all night _

_ Well all night, all night _

_ Well it's time to go home _

_ And I ain't even done with the night _

“Jenny! Nice melody. And the lyrics? Seems like you  _ really _ like Jared, don’t you?” Chris asks.

“I gave up trying to take it slow. If he breaks my heart, it will hurt no matter what. Be it now or in ten years. So I just figured, even if I don’t know where this will take me, I wanna enjoy it. So yeah, I would even go so far and say that I’m in love with him. It scares the shit out of me, but it’s also the best damn feeling in the world.” Jensen looks at the two. 

“So, do you guys wanna work on that song with me?”

“Yeah, I’m in. Just gonna grab some more beer from upstairs. Be right back.” And with that, Steve walks upstairs to the kitchen, taking two steps at a time.

“You know, Jenny, I really hope that he is  _ the  _ guy for you. You seem really happy.” Chris pats Jensen’s knee.

“Thanks. I hope you’re right.” That’s when Steve returns with another load of beer and they start working on the song.

Jensen feels good about sharing this with his two closest friends. They were there for him when he fell in love with Austin, and they were there for him when things got ugly. They might not like everything that Jensen did, but their friendship goes deep, so they stick together. 

They’re able to turn Jensen’s idea into a song, and they all like the result so much they record a demo of it in Steve’s home studio.

They spend the next two hours playing some of their own songs and some covers.

It’s 10pm when Jensen gets home. He still hasn’t heard back from Jared.

  
  


**_Jared_ **

  
  


Jared arrives home at 6:30pm. His mom and dad are just about to set the table on the patio. Jared can smell the BBQ and he sees corn cobs being roasted. He hopes that his mom made a big batch of her famous garlic lemon butter.

“Hey Jared, sweetheart. Perfect timing. Can you help me bring the rest of the food outside, please?” His mom gestures towards the kitchen and Jared follows her.

“Hey Mom.” He kisses her on the cheek.

Sherrie smiles. “Could you grab the garlic butter and the water, please?”

Jared takes both from the counter and follows his mom back outside. 

Before she reaches the back door, he says, “Mom, wait.” Jared closes the distance to his mom and they both stop in front of the door.

“What is it, sweetheart?” Sherrie looks at him, wondering what he’s gonna say.

“I wanna talk to you about something. Maybe later tonight, before bed?” Jared’s voice is quiet and steady, but he looks nervous.

“Of course. Let's talk later.” She smiles at him and they both walk out onto the patio.

Jared’s nervous, but he knows it’s gonna be alright.

They all spend a nice evening together. His mom even made some brownies, and Jared eats so much he’s sure he won’t be able to eat anything for the next seven days. After dinner, everyone helps to clean the table and put the remaining food into the fridge.

Jared, Meg and his parents settle down in the living room. It’s time for movie night. They haven’t done that together in a while because Jared wasn’t home the past several weekends. Megan chooses to watch  _ Mrs. Doubtfire _ . It’s one of Jared’s favorites and he even manages to eat some popcorn. He didn’t know how much he missed this time with his family.

At 10pm they finish watching the movie and Megan goes to her room. Jared and Sherrie take the glasses and bowls back to the kitchen.

“I’m going to my room. Can you meet me there in 15 minutes?” Jared places the glasses in the dishwasher, so he doesn’t have to look at his mom.

“Okay sweetheart. I’ll be there.” 

Jared goes to his room, closes the door and sits down on his bed. Suddenly he isn’t so sure anymore if this is a good idea. His confidence seems gone.

Jared takes the photograph from the stack of books where he hides it. One look at Jensen’s smiling face is enough for Jared to know that he just has to tell his mom. He doesn’t want to hide this part of himself anymore. Jensen’s the best thing that’s happened to him in a long time. Maybe even the best thing ever. 

There’s a knock on the door and Jared hides the picture one last time. Hopefully. “Yeah, come in.” The door opens and Sherrie enters the room. She closes the door behind her and sits down on the bed next to Jared.

“So, what do you wanna talk about? You seemed rather serious. Is everything okay?” She places her hand on Jared’s.

“Yeah. It is.” Jared turns to face her. “Actually, it’s better than okay. But I’m gonna tell you the not-so-okay part first, though. I’ve been lying to you a lot the past couple of weeks.”

Sherrie raises an eyebrow. “What? Why Jared? That doesn’t sound like something you would do.”

Jared pulls his hand back and plays with the zipper of his side pocket. “I’m gonna explain it to you.”

He smiles at Sherrie and takes a deep breath. “Every time, well, almost every time I told you that I would stay at Chad’s, I stayed somewhere else.” He takes the photograph from under his pillow and hands it to Sherrie. “Mom, this is Jensen. My boyfriend.” Jared’s heart beats so heavy that he places his hand on his chest in a ridiculous attempt to stop it from shooting out of his chest. He did it. He told his mom about his boyfriend, Jensen. He braces himself for all the questions. 

When he looks back up to his mom, Sherrie has tears in her eyes and Jared can feel the panic rising. This is not how this was supposed to go. She was supposed to be happy. Happy that he found someone he really likes. But instead she’s crying.

“Oh Jared, my baby.” It’s barely audible and Jared doesn’t know what to do. Sherrie puts her hand on Jared’s cheek. “Thank you.” The puzzled look on Jared’s face makes Sherrie smile. “Thank you for trusting me so much that you felt safe enough to share this with me.” She moves closer and hugs Jared.

It’s one of those mom hugs that takes you back in time to when you were just a little kindergartner. Jared buries his face in her neck. When they part, he can feel that his face is wet. Jared is also crying. But those are happy tears.

“Oh mom, I was so afraid to tell you, I almost chickened out before you got here.” He wipes away some of the tears with the back of his hand.

“Don’t you ever be afraid to tell me anything, alright Jared Tristan?” She grabs his chin. “My sweet little baby boy is in love. Now tell me more about Jensen. Where did you two meet? How old is he? Where does he live?” 

They just sit there on Jared’s bed and he tells Sherrie everything. How he met Jensen on the bus, how they spent the night together at Elmendorf Lake Park, that Jensen writes and plays music. That Jensen is his first thought in the morning and the last one before he goes to sleep. He obviously leaves out the sex part, because, well, it’s still his mom he’s talking too. 

“Okay, now that I know you’re cool with it, I want to ask you if you would come with me when I talk to dad.” Jared starts fumbling with the zipper again.

“Of course, sweetheart. You wanna do it now?” She looks at Jared, waiting for his response.

“Yes. Please. I don’t wanna hide Jensen anymore. It probably won’t be that easy because, well, it’s dad.” He shrugs. “But let’s do it!” 

They both get up from the bed and walk back down to the living room. His dad is watching an old episode of  _ The Crocodile Hunter.  _

“Jared, I thought you already went to bed.” Gerald mutes the TV.

“Yeah, I will be in a bit. I wanted to talk to you about something.” Jared clears his throat and sits down in the armchair. He hands his dad the photograph. “Dad, that’s me and Jensen. My boyfriend.”

Gerald looks up from the photo. “Your...what?” Gerald narrows his eyes.

That’s exactly how Jared expected his dad to react. “My boyfriend, Dad. Jensen’s my boyfriend.”

Gerald takes another look at the photo. “Hm. Does that mean you’re gay?” He puts the photo on the coffee table.

“I don’t know. But I know that I really like him and he really likes me. I just wanted to tell you in case someone sees us out and about. And of course, I wanna bring him over sometime.”

Gerald reaches for the remote. “Okay, whatever floats your boat, I guess. Was that all?”

“Yes Dad, that was all I wanted to tell you. Night.” 

Sherrie and Jared leave the living room. When they reach the stairs, Jared hugs his mom one last time before going upstairs. “Thanks, Mom. That really means a lot to me, you know?”

Sherrie puts her hands on Jared’s cheeks. “I want you to be happy. And if Jensen makes you happy, then I’m happy.”

Jared places a kiss on Sherrie’s cheek. “Night Mom.”

“Night sweetheart.”

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

Jensen’s worried. It’s close to 11pm and Jared still hasn’t called. That’s usually a bad sign.

Jensen already showered and went to bed. He doesn’t want to bother Jared. He knows he’ll call when he feels like it. Jensen puts his phone on his nightstand and turns off the light.

As he’s starting to drift off, his phone vibrates. It takes him a few seconds to realize what that noise is.

_ “Jay?” _

_ “Yeah, it’s me. Did I wake you?” _

_ “I was just about to go to sleep. But I’m glad you called. I was worried already because it’s so late. How did it go?” _

_ “Well, I almost chickened out, you know? When I told my mom, we both cried. I was so nervous, but she was so cool about it. She said she wants me to be happy. And if you make me happy, then she’s happy. So I guess that’s a win-win, right?” _

_ “Oh Jay, that lifts a huge weight off my shoulders. I’m proud of you. And I already like your mom. What about your dad? Did you tell him too?” _

_ “Yeah, I talked to him right after that. At first I thought he was gonna lose his cool, but then he just said, ‘Whatever floats your boat, I guess,’ and unmuted  _ The Crocodile Hunter’ _. So, it’s official now. I can finally kiss you in public.” _

_ “Oh Jay, _ ” Jensen giggles, “ _ you’re amazing. Do you wanna try it out tomorrow?” _

_ “I don’t have any homework to do, so yeah. I could be at your place around noon. I’ll bring some leftovers from our BBQ. Sound good?” _

_ “It would already be amazing if you showed up without the food. But I’m not saying no to that. See you tomorrow, then. Good night, boyfriend.” _

_ “Night, boyfriend.” _

Jensen sighs. Jared is officially his boyfriend now. His parents are cool with him being with Jensen.

He puts the phone back on the nightstand and whispers into the darkness of his room, “Thank you.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen has a beautiful surprise for Jared when they introduce each other to their closest friends.  
> Later Jensen's going to meet Jared's family for the first time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry it took so long. But if you believe it or not, even betas have a life outside of editing rice.  
> Hopefully I can upload chapters 12 and 13 this weekend as well.
> 
> Thanks to Destruction9 and VampireLady
> 
> I hope you like this fluffy chapter. If you do, you know where to leave kudos and comments.  
> Enjoy <3

**_Chapter 11_ **

_ So raise your glass if you are wrong, _

_ In all the right ways, _

_ All my underdogs, _

_ We will never be never be, anything but loud _

_ And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks _

_ Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass, _

_ Just come on and come on and raise your glass _

_ (Raise your glass/P!NK) _

  
  
  
  


**_Jared_ **

  
  


It’s 9:30am when Jared texts Jensen.

_ “Morning, boyfriend ;-) Gonna tell my sister about us now. Wish me luck. Gonna leave after breakfast. Can’t wait to see you. Jay.” _

He changes into a new shirt and shorts and walks over to Megan’s room. 

Her door is ajar, but he knocks before he opens it a little wider. Because, unlike his sister, he values privacy.

Jared peeks into the room. “Megs? You got a minute?” He finds his 13-year-old sister sitting at her desk reading  _ Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire _ . Her latest obsession.

“Sure.” She puts the book away and turns around to Jared, who sits down on her bed.

“I wanted to talk to you about something. I’m still not sure where to start, though.” His smile is insecure. “Have you ever had a crush?”

Megan stares right into his eyes when she says, “Is this about you never bringing home girls?” She cocks her head and waits for Jared to answer.

“What? I mean...how?” Jared gasps for air.

“Oh Jare, I’m 13 but I’m not stupid!” She giggles. “So, what is it? You have a boyfriend now?”

Jared starts laughing and pulls the photo out from his back pocket. “In fact, I have, Ms. smarty-pants!” He hands her the photo. “That’s Jensen.”

Megan studies the photo and then says to Jared, “Wow, I had no idea you had such good taste! He’s cute.”

And with that, Jared takes the photo back. “Don’t you dare even think about it, Megs!” He laughs and is really relieved that she took it that well.

“Jare, do Mom and Dad know?”

“Yes, I told them last night after you went to bed. They’re cool with it.” He gets up and is about to leave her room.

“If you want to, you can bring him to my birthday party.”

He stops and turns to face her. “That’s a great idea. Thanks Megs.”

They both hug and, before letting go, she looks up to her big brother. “He’s  _ really _ cute.”

“Shut up!” Jared laughs and tousles her hair.

  
  


*****

Jared arrives at Jensen’s place at 11am and he brings so much food with him that they could invite the entire neighborhood. They pack up all they need for a picnic and are on their way to Elmendorf Lake Park in 20 minutes.

It’s pretty crowded since it is a very nice Saturday in May, but they manage to find a place for their picnic. Jared’s very excited because this will be their first real outing. They finally don’t have to hide anymore.

After they’ve placed all the food on the blanket, it’s finally time to eat.

They brought some dinner rolls and Sherrie’s garlic lemon butter. Just as Jared is about to reach for it, Jensen smacks Jared’s hand away. “Naah! You have to earn it,  _ boyfriend.” _

Jared raises an eyebrow and moves closer to kiss Jensen. “Like this?” Another kiss. “Is that what you had in mind?” 

“You are just too smart for this world, Jay. No, open your sweet mouth.”

Jensen dips a piece from a dinner roll into the butter and feeds it to Jared. 

After Jared had swallowed his bite, he takes Jensen’s finger, which is covered in butter, and puts it in his mouth, sucking on it and slowly letting go. He’s really testing their new freedom.

“Damn, Jay. We can’t do stuff like that here. Unless you wanna go back home  _ now _ ,” Jensen says in a quiet and lustful tone.

Jared smiles at him and hands him a napkin. “Okay, I’ll behave. Promise!” He raises his hands, surrendering to Jensen.

“You’re a complete idiot. C’mere and kiss me.” They share a few short kisses, because everything else would draw too much attention and would make them way too horny.

Once they are full, they put the food back into the bags and Jared pulls something from his back pocket.

“What’s that?” Jensen tries to have a better look at it.

“‘S a surprise. Here, you can read it.” He hands the letter to Jensen. 

“Dear Jared, we are happy to inform you that you have been accepted into our volunteer program at  _ San Antonio Humane Society _ for the  _ Animal Health Team  _ and the  _ Creative Design Team. _ ” Jensen lowers the letter and looks at Jared. “That’s awesome, Jay! Didn’t even know you applied for that!”

“Yeah, it was pretty last minute and I didn’t wanna tell you in case I would get rejected.” He looks down onto his lap and smiles.

“Isn’t this the shelter that’s around the corner from my place?” Jensen searches for the address on the letter.

“Yes, a 15-minute walk from your place. I figured that if I get in, we can see each other more often, if that’s okay with you.” Jared’s gaze meets Jensen’s.

“Jay, I’d really love that. You could even stay overnight every now and then if your parents are cool with it. I was accepted for my internship at  _ Spine in Motion,  _ which is also just a short bike ride from my place. Seems like this is all working in our favor.” Jensen moves closer so they can hug. “I can’t wait for July to come.” He grabs Jared’s face and kisses him.

“Me neither. It’ll be nice to spend more time together.”

They let go and Jensen says, “Now tell me more about the volunteer work. What exactly are you doing?” 

**_Jensen_ **

Oh, and there are Jared’s shiny eyes again. He gets that look whenever he gets excited about something. Be it watching _Star Wars_ with Jensen, talking about _Pearl Jam_ , drawing, photography or animals.

“Well, I get to support the Animal Health staff by cleaning the cages. I can help with socializing animals at the clinic. If I’m doing a good job they’ll let me assist with paperwork and stuff like that. Plus I can earn hours for the Palo Alto and Animal Behavior College Veterinary Technician programs. So if I decide I wanna become a veterinary technician later, that’s very helpful.”

Jared smiles wide. He seems to really look forward to his time at SAHS. 

“So, and the other thing is that I get to assist with adoption photo shoots and maybe event photography. That’s where my photography skills come in very handy. I’m not so sure about the graphic design stuff, though. I’ve never done anything like that before.”

Jensen simply plants a kiss on Jared’s cheek. “Oh you! I’m sure you’ll pick that up very quickly. Like everything you do! Your enthusiasm is amazing. I love you.”

Both stare into each other's eyes. No one moves or says anything.

After what feels like hours, Jensen breaks the eye contact. “‘M sorry. Guess I got carried away.” He doesn’t dare to look at Jared. He just accidentally confessed his love to Jared. And given Jared’s shocked look, it might have been a little too soon. Or maybe way too soon. But on the other hand…

“So you  _ don’t _ love me, Jen?”

Jensen looks up and meets Jared’s gaze. He still can’t read anything from Jared’s face. He grabs Jared’s hands and says in a quiet voice, “Of course I love you, Jay! I just didn’t plan on saying it right now, and like that? And the look on your face... I’m actually a little scared right now.” He tries to laugh it off.

“Jen, what are you scared of?  _ I _ asked you if you wanna be my boyfriend. So I thought you knew how I feel about you.” Jared moves closer and whispers into Jensen’s ear. “I love you too, Jen. Very much.” After that confession he puts his forehead against Jensen’s. “To be honest, I feel like I'm a 15-year-old girl. You’re my first thought when I wake up and the last one before I fall asleep.”

Jensen kisses Jared. No tongue or anything. It’s like a  _ thank you  _ for being so honest. Even though Jared also seems scared about all this, he is a lot braver and straight forward with things like that.

  
  


*****

**_Jared_ **

They’re both graduating in mid-June. After that, they have two weeks off before the internship starts on July 1st and they want to make the most of it.

So Jared kind of moves in with Jensen. He even gets his own drawer in Jensen’s closet.

They spend a lot of time at the lake, or ride their bikes to Elmendorf Lake Park.

Jared finally saved enough money to buy himself his own little car, so he doesn’t have to share with his mom anymore. Another piece of freedom and independence.

During their first week together, they spend two evenings apart. Jensen’s with Chris and Steve and Jared hangs out with Chad. He finally made it official with Jenny and Jared is happy that his friend found someone that makes him that happy.

That following weekend, Jared, Jensen, Chad and Jenny meet at  _ The County Line _ because Chris and Steve are playing a gig.

Jared and Jensen get there early enough to spend some time with Chris and Steve before Chad and Jenny arrive so Jensen can introduce his boyfriend to his two oldest friends.

“You see the two guys next to the stage? That’s Chris and Steve.” Jensen nods towards the stage.

“They look exactly like I imagined them. Let’s go say hi.” Jared takes Jensen’s hand and heads to the stage.

“Steve, look who’s here. Jenny and his baby boy. You must be Jared. Hi, I’m Chris. This is Steve. Nice to finally meet you. We’ve already heard so much about you.”

Jared shakes Chris’ hand and blushes. “Oh really. I hope you only told them good things about me,  _ Jenny _ .” He giggles and lovingly punches Jensen’s arm.

“Ugh, I knew it. Yes, they call me Jenny. And only them!” Jensen rolls his eyes. 

Steve says, “You seem to be the perfect match for him. We haven’t seen him this happy for a very long time.We’re already placing bets about when he’s gonna propose to you.” He smiles at Jared, who blushes even more.

Jared was really nervous when Jensen told him that they would meet Steve and Chris, but he sees why they’re his best friends. They seem to be genuinely happy for him and Jensen.

He can’t wait for Chad and Jenny to arrive so he can introduce Jensen.

“Hey, Jare!” Speaking of the devil. Chad and Jenny are just stepping outside and walking towards them. 

“Chad, Jenny. So good to see you guys.” Jared hugs them before turning to Jensen. “Jensen, this is Chad, my best friend in the entire world, and his girlfriend, uhm, Jenny.” He giggles. “This will be a very confusing evening.”

The puzzled look on Chad’s and Jenny’s face is priceless.

“Well, Chris and Steve, the guys at the stage, are Jensen’s best friends and they call him Jenny. So yeah, this should be very interesting.” Jared smiles at them.

“Jenny, that’s an unusual nickname. But I’ll stick with Jensen. Makes it a bit easier, I guess.” Chad winks at Jensen. 

“Only Steve and Chris are allowed to call me that anyway. So Jensen works fine. Hi, nice to finally meet you. We already reserved a table for the four of us.” They walk to a table close to the stage.

“Yeah, it’s nice to finally have a face to the name,” Chad says. “Jared told me so much about you. I’m sure this is gonna be a great evening.”

Jensen smiles. “Seems like we both talk a lot about each other with our friends.” He kisses Jared on the forehead before he excuses himself and walks over to Steve and Chris. 

“Wow, Jare. If I wasn’t in a relationship, I’d probably try to steal him from you.” Chad winks at Jared.

“Hey! I can hear you!” Jenny says pouting.

“Sorry babe. I love you, you know that.” Chad kisses her on the cheek and she smiles.

“Okay, okay. Let’s order some drinks.”

Jared is wondering what Jensen is talking about with Chris and Steve. But before he can give it too much thought, Jensen comes back to their table and the drinks arrive.

“This is gonna be a great show. I hope you’ll like it.” He raises his glass and says a toast. “Here’s to a great evening with good friends and good music. Cheers.”

They clink their glasses when Jared looks around and sees more and more people arriving. 20 minutes until the show starts.

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

It feels so nice to introduce his boyfriend to his two best friends. And he finally meets Chad and Jenny.

But he is more nervous about the show than all the other stuff. 

The place is packed when the show starts. It finally cooled down a bit and feels great to be here with Jared and his friends. It’s quite romantic, actually. There are only a few clouds in the sky, you can see the stars and the moon. The outdoor area is decorated with big colorful lights. Chris and Steve are doing their acoustic set. Jared’s next to him, enjoying the evening. Jensen can’t help but smile. He loves Jared so much it makes him sick sometimes. But it’s a fucking amazing feeling.

They just finished  _ “ _ Tennessee Whiskey” when Jensen gets up from his chair and kisses Jared on the cheek. “Be right back.” His hands are shaking and his heart is racing as he makes his way to the stage. He can feel Jared’s surprised look—mouth hanging open and eyes open wide.

Jensen just hopes his voice won’t break when he’s on stage.

**_Jared_ **

What the hell is happening? Why is Jensen walking up to the stage? He didn’t say anything about performing with Chris and Steve. Is this what they’d been talking about earlier?

“Jare, close your mouth. You’re drooling.” Chad laughs and puts his hand under Jared’s chin and closes his mouth. “You alright?” He puts his hand on Jared’s shoulder.

“Yeah, I guess. I just don’t know what’s going on. Jen didn’t say anything about this.”

Jensen climbs on stage, a third stool is put in the middle between Chris and Steve, the mic stand’s in front of him. He sits down on the stool and pulls the mic closer to him. 

“Hey guys. I’m Jensen and this wasn’t on the program for tonight. Chris and Steve are friends of mine and I asked them if I could hijack their show for one song. 

I wrote the lyrics to it and they brought it to life with their guitars. This song is for someone very special. It’s called “Tangled Up in You”

“Oh my god! Jare! He wrote a song for you! Can you believe this?” Chad says excitedly and squeezes Jared’s arm.

“No, I can’t.” Jared doesn’t take his eyes off of Jensen. That’s when Jensen searches for Jared and they share an intimate look that is so full of love.

Chris and Steve start to play and Jared stops breathing.

Jensen holds onto the mic, eyes closed, when he starts singing.

  
  


_ You're my world _

_ The shelter from the rain _

_ You're the pills _

_ That take away my pain _

_ You're the light _

_ That helps me find my way _

_ You're the words _

_ When I have nothing to say _

Jared just stares at him in awe. Too scared to breathe. Jensen wrote this for him.

_ And in this world _

_ Where nothing else is true _

_ Here I am _

_ Still tangled up in you _

_ I'm still tangled up in you _

_ Still tangled up in you _

Jared’s eyes fill with tears. Chad puts his hand on Jared’s shoulder and Jared grabs it and holds onto it tight. He feels like he‘s going to faint.

_ You're the fire _

_ That warms me when I'm cold _

_ You're the hand _

_ I have to hold as I grow old _

_ You're the shore _

_ When I am lost at sea _

_ You're the only thing _

_ That I like about me _

Jared is sobbing. And he is not ashamed of it. This is how much Jensen loves him. And he lets everyone here tonight know.

_ And in this world _

_ Where nothing else is true _

_ Here I am _

_ Still tangled up in you _

_ I'm still tangled up in you _

_ How long has it been _

_ Since this storyline began _

_ And I hope it never ends _

_ And goes like this forever _

Eight weeks. Forever sounds amazing. Tears are running down Jared’s cheeks and he smiles. He had no idea he could love Jensen even more than he already does.

_ In this world _

_ Where nothing else is true _

_ Here I am _

_ Still tangled up in you _

_ Tangled up in you _

_ I'm still tangled up in you _

_ Still tangled up in you _

When the song is over everyone claps and cheers. Jared gets up from his chair and walks to the stage, to Jensen. Jensen steps down from the stage and Jared stops in front of him. He puts his hands on Jared’s cheeks and wipes the tears away with his thumbs.

“Jen, that was amazing. I had no idea! Thank you. Thank you for writing such a beautiful song, thank you for being so brave to perform it in front of so many people. Thank you for loving me that way. I couldn’t have asked for a better boyfriend. I love you.” He puts his arms around Jensen’s waist and kisses him.

The crowd is cheering even louder for them.

“I love you, too. I wanted the world to know how happy you make me and just how much I love you.”

This time it’s Jared who wipes away some tears from Jensen’s cheeks. 

**_Jensen_ **

Jensen is so relieved that he managed to keep it together on stage. He’s not great with stuff like that face to face, that’s why he lets music do the talking.

And he was obviously able to deliver the message. 

Jared’s reaction was so very sweet. He brings out things in Jensen he didn’t even know were buried inside him. Sometimes he’s scared because he loves Jared so damn much, and then the dark thoughts come. What if Jared finds someone his own age? Someone better? What if he wants to try being with a girl? What if he gets tired of Jensen? What if Jensen’s affection becomes too much for him?

Jensen loves Jared with every fiber of his being. Sometimes, when he closes his eyes, he can see them both in 40 years, sitting on a white bench on their white patio of their white house. Jensen sees their wrinkled faces because they make each other smile and laugh a lot. Two dogs are lying at their feet. This is what he really wants in life.

Jensen entwines his fingers with Jared’s and they walk back to their table. 

“Wow, Jensen. That was amazing. Have you ever thought about doing this for a living?” Chad says as he high fives Jensen.

“Thanks man, I actually have. But it would suck the fun out of it. So I’m keeping it as a hobby. Glad you liked it.”

New drinks are being served and they enjoy the rest of the show. Jared doesn’t let go of Jensen’s hand and there are so many small kisses. 

When Chris and Steve are done, they pack up their stuff and join the four.

They sit together and talk until  _ The County Line  _ is closing.

This is definitely something they should do more often. It’s past 2am when they all go their own way.

When they’re in bed, Jared snuggles up to Jensen and puts his head on Jensen’s chest. “That was unbelievable what you did up there. I’m proud of you. You do realize that you have to sing for me more often from now on.” Jared tilts his head back so he can kiss Jensen.

They fall asleep like this, Jensen holding Jared and humming the melody of his song.

  
  


*****

**_Jensen_ **

Megan’s birthday is on a Wednesday. They got her a box with  _ Harry Potter _ Funko figures for her collection. Since this is her current obsession, she’s also having a  _ Harry Potter _ watch party with her friends next weekend.

They even bake a small cake and make little magic wands from chocolate-covered pretzel sticks. There’s a lot of chocolate to lick off each other's fingers and they almost don’t make it in time. But Jensen makes Jared hurry up, because he doesn’t want to leave a bad impression the first time he meets his boyfriend’s family.

Jared pulls into his parents’ driveway at 3.30pm and, as soon as Jared turns off the engine, Megan comes running out of the front door. They have just enough time to get out of the car before she reaches them. 

“Hey Megs, this is—” “Jensen. I know. You’re even cuter in person!”

“Megs! Stop it,” Jared hisses.

“Awww, Jay, don’t be so dramatic. I like her! Thanks Megan. You are just like your brother—wearing your heart on your sleeve. Happy birthday!”

Jensen hands her the present and she rips it open right there. 

Her eyes go wide and she squeaks. “Oh my god! This is amazing! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” She hugs both tight before running off with her present to show it to her parents.

“Seems like we got it right.” Jensen high fives Jared. “I already like your sister. She gets excited about the little things, just like you.” He kisses Jared and they both walk to the house to deliver the cake and say hi to Jared’s parents.

Sherrie is the first one to spot them and immediately walks towards Jensen. “Hello Jensen, darling. It’s so good to finally meet you!” She hugs him like her long lost son. 

“Hey Mom.” Jared kisses her cheek and shows her the cake.

“Jared, sweetheart. That cake looks amazing! Gerald, you have to look at this. The boys made a cake for Megan.” 

Gerald enters the kitchen. “You must be Jensen. I’m Gerald. Jared’s and Megan’s dad.” They shake hands.

“Hi Gerald.” Jared’s dad seems a little reserved but nice.

They all settle down on the patio where Megan is taking all of her little  _ Harry Potter _ figures out of their boxes. “This is like the best gift ever! Dad, we need to build a shelf so I can display them in my room.”

Jensen smiles at Jared. To see how much Megan likes it makes him happy.

The cake turned out delicious. It’s a chocolate cake filled with strawberry jam.

In the evening they also have a small BBQ, which still provides them with a lot of leftovers to take home.

Jared is outside, saying goodbye to his dad and Megan, while Jensen is in the kitchen with Sherrie, packing up the leftovers. When they say goodbye, Sherrie takes Jensen’s hands and smiles at him. “You know, I’m very glad that you two found each other. Jared’s so much happier since he’s with you. He enjoys life again. Before he met you, he barely left his room for quite a while. You’re good for him. Thank you, Jensen.” She lets go of his hands and they hug again.

“I have to thank  _ you _ for Jared. He’s the best boyfriend I could’ve asked for,” Jensen whispers. 

When Jared and Jensen are back on the road, Jensen puts his hand on Jared’s thigh. “I like your family. I could get used to them.”

Jared smiles at him. “Oh Jen, you have to. Because this is forever.”

Jensen squeezes Jared’s thigh. “Forever. I really like the sound of it.” 

  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  



	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They both start their internships. A few weeks later Jared turns 18 and there will be gifts for both of them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I surprised myself with that chapter and I really love the way it turned out. I hope you do to.  
> Art for this chapter will follow at a later time. (its finally here!)
> 
> Thanks to VampireLady and Destruction9 for you help with this chapter 😘

**_Chapter 12_ **

_Oh, I wanna dance with somebody_

_I wanna feel the heat with somebody_

_Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody_

_With somebody who loves me_

_Oh, I wanna dance with somebody_

_I wanna feel the heat with somebody_

_Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody_

_With somebody who loves me_

_(I wanna dance with somebody/ Whitney Houston)_

  
  
  
  


**_July_ **

**_Jared_ **

It’s the night before the first day of his internship. Jared has never done anything like this before, so he is nervous and excited for his first day.

He spends the night at Jensen’s so he doesn’t have to get up so early. His first shift starts at 8am. 

They watch some TV before going to bed at 11pm. Jensen’s first shift starts at 9am and they want to get a good night’s sleep to have the best start possible.

It’s 1am and Jared’s still not asleep. He’s tried reading, listening to music, counting sheep. Nothing works. At home he would masturbate to relax, but his boyfriend is lying next to him.

Jared turns around and starts kissing Jensen’s neck, sucking his earlobe.

“Mmmmh, whatchya doin?” Jensen mumbles, still half asleep.

“I can’t sleep. I thought you could blow me or jerk me off so I’m relaxed enough to fall asleep.” Jared reaches under the covers and starts stroking Jensen’s dick, pressing himself against Jensen’s ass. 

Jensen starts moving his hips, grinding into Jared’s lap. 

“You’re unbelievable Jay.”

“That’s why you love me,” Jared whispers into Jensen’s ear.

Jensen turns around to take off Jared’s boxers and closes his hand around Jared’s hard dick. Jared inhales sharply.

“You alright?” Jensen asks.

“Yes. Very good. I’m still so amazed how it feels when you touch me.” He starts kissing Jensen and thrusts into Jensen’s hand. And since he doesn’t want Jensen to do all the work, he grabs Jensen’s erection.

They keep kissing and moaning into each other's mouths, bodies pressed together. That’s when Jared opens his hand again to get a hold of his own dick as well. He presses both dicks together while he moves his hand up and down.

Jensen tilts his head back. “Fuck. Feels so good.” Jensen moves his hand a bit down and also holds both of their dicks. They thrust in sync, breathing and moaning loudly. Jared is pretty overwhelmed by the feeling of their hard dicks pressed together, jerking each other and themselves off at the same time. When they come, their hands are shaking. A few more small thrusts and there’s come all over their hands and stomaches. Both of them only loosen the grip around their dicks a bit. Jared needs to feel both of them to steady his breath.

“That was…” he says with a hoarse voice.

“Amazing,” Jensen finishes the sentence. “Why’ve we never done that before?” he whispers.

Jared lets go of their dicks to reach for some tissues. They should probably shower, but Jared is in that sleepy post-orgasmn state, so wiping most of it off with tissues is all he’s capable of right now.

“Love you,” is all he can mumble before he drifts off.

“Love you too, Jaybird.” Jensen falls asleep seconds later.

*****

Jared is sitting at the kitchen counter, eating breakfast. It’s 6:30 and he’s done with his morning routine 30 minutes before his alarm was supposed to go off.

He puts away his plate and coffee mug and then goes back to the bedroom.

Jared tries to be very quiet because he doesn’t want to wake Jensen. 

Their boxers are still on the floor next to the bed. He smiles at the thought of last night. They literally passed out right after that. Jensen is sleeping on his stomach, face turned towards the bedroom door. His leg is pulled towards his chest and he is holding the tip of the covers. Jared crouches down in front of him. He still can’t believe just how perfect Jensen is. 

His long and dark eyelashes. The perfect, pointed nose. His plump and pink lips. And those beautiful freckles on his nose that stretch out over his cheeks. 

Jared puts his hand on Jensen’s cheek and runs his thumb over the freckles under his eyes. Jensen smiles a sleepy smile and nestles his cheek into Jared’s hand.

He opens his eyes a bit and his smile grows wider. “Morning, Jaybird.”

Jared moves closer, so he can kiss Jensen.

“It’s 6:30. Why are you up?” Jensen yawns.

“I’m too excited for my first day. Plus I love to watch you sleep. Now move over, we still have some time to cuddle before I have to leave.”

Jared climbs back into bed with Jensen. He holds Jensen in his arms, Jensen’s head on his chest. Jared caresses his hair and back. “I already had breakfast and made some sandwiches for your lunch break. I put the box in your backpack.”

Jensen whispers, “Thank you,” against the naked skin of Jared’s chest and Jared shivers.

He’d better get up now before things get too hot.

“I have to get up now and get dressed.” He kisses Jensen’s hair and he wriggles himself out of Jensen’s hug and walks over to the closet to grab a t-shirt and shorts. 

He interns eight hours from Monday through Wednesday. Jensen interns six hours from Monday through Thursday. They are both off for the rest of the week, which leaves them enough time to hang out together and enjoy summer. 

“I’ll be back around 5, I think. I love you, Jen.” He closes his eyes to savor Jensen’s goodbye kiss.

“Love you too, Jaybird.”

On his way to the shelter, Jared can’t help but feel very grown up. Leaving in the morning to do an actual job feels weird and great. He can’t wait for all the people and animals he’ll meet, the new experiences he’ll make.

When he arrives at the shelter, he meets his mentor Kelly. She’s in her thirties and has sparkling blue eyes and a contagious smile. She shows Jared around, introducing him to the other volunteers and employees. Then he gets to meet all the animals that are currently at the shelter. Jared is kind of shocked to see just how many animals are sheltered here. He doesn’t understand why people get rid of their pets.

They spend the next two hours cleaning out kennels and playing with some dogs at the outside area of the shelter. After that, Jared gets introduced into the work of the creative design team. They let him do some photos of Bert, a tiny light brown Chihuahua.

“Please tell me you are not doing this for the first time. Those shots are amazing, Jared.” Luke, the supervisor for the creative design team, waves him back to the desk to look at the photos Jared just took.

“No, photography is one of my hobbies. That’s why I also wanted to work with the creative design team.” Jared smiles. It feels nice to have other people recognize his talent.

They are busy for the next three hours, because there are a lot of animals at the shelter that need professional adoption photos for the website. Jared’s having a lot of fun. At the end of his first day he is tired and happy.

He can’t wait to get home and tell Jensen about it.

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

Jensen arrives 15 minutes early. The doctor and owner of Spine In Motion greets him at the door and gives him a tour around the office. Jensen follows different therapists today to get some insight into the work they do. 

During his lunch break, he is about to eat the sandwiches Jared made for him. When he opens his lunchbox he finds heart-shaped Avocado sandwiches with Aioli and a note from Jared. “You’ve got this. I love you.”

He giggles at the sight of his sandwiches and the note.

Brenda, one of the therapists, looks up. “What’s so funny, Jensen?”

Jensen turns his lunchbox around so she can see it. “My boyfriend made me heart-shaped sandwiches for my first day.” He blushes a little.

“Aww, that’s too sweet. What’s his name?”

“His name’s Jared. Do you wanna see a photo?” Jensen reaches for his wallet.

“Sure!” Brenda moves her chair next to Jensen’s. He hands her the picture they took at the beach. “Oh, you’re such a cute couple! You should definitely bring him to the summer party next month.” They both eat their lunch and chat until the break is over.

It’s 3:30pm when Jensen heads home and loads the car for their afternoon at the beach.

He texts Jared that he will pick him up after his shift.

*****

**_Jared_ **

  
  


Jensen picks him up at 5pm and Jared starts talking about his day as soon as he opens the car door.

“Jen, that was such an amazing first day. At first I got a tour; Kelly introduced me to all the other volunteers and employees. We visited all the animals. There were so many! Then we cleaned the kennels and we played with the dogs outside, and then they let me photograph a Chihuahua who is up for adoption and they loved my photos so much that they want me to do only two hours at the animal health team and six at the creative design team. I can show you the pictures when we get back home.”

Jared takes a deep breath and leans back into his seat. “How was your day?”

Jensen laughs and squeezes Jared’s thigh. “Great, but definitely not as great as your first day. I told you they're gonna love you.”

The rest of the way to the lake they talk about Jared’s birthday in three weeks.

  
  


**_July 19th_ **

**_Jared’s birthday_ **

**_Jensen_ **

Jensen went out of his way to get _the_ perfect gift for Jared’s birthday. The fact that Jared has to work a little longer than him each day worked in his favor and he had enough time to get crafty. He doesn’t want to give Jared a boring envelope with his gift. It has to be something special for his boyfriend. He hides it in the only cabinet that has a lock, because he really wants it to be a surprise. He hopes that Jared won’t faint when he receives the gift. Jensen’s totally excited for Jared to finally get the gift.

**_Jared_ **

  
  


The day is finally here. Jared’s 18th birthday! They’re going to have a small party at their place. He and Jensen visited his family a few times since they practically started living together. So two weeks ago they started to refer to Jensen’s apartment as _their place_. Jared really likes the way their relationship has developed.

He’s always loved to be alone. Maybe spend some time with Chad. People wear him out. But being with Jensen is so much different. Jared can’t wait to get home after his day at the shelter, and Jensen is never too much for him. Even the most boring everyday tasks give him butterflies when he does them together with Jensen. Ordinary things like loading the dishwasher, cooking dinner. It feels so natural. Those are moments Jared feels like his heart is going to explode from all the love he feels for Jensen.

So that’s why he wants his birthday to also be a special day for Jensen. Jared has been preparing for today every night for three weeks. 

It was clearly not easy and there were nights when he wanted to quit and just forget about it. But he wants to surprise Jensen, so he just pushed through as good as he could.

Their friends will be here in two hours.

  
  


*****

  
  


Chris and Steve arrive at 7pm, carrying their guitars inside the apartment. Luke from the shelter, as well as Chad and Jenny, arrive just a few minutes after them.

It’s a very small party, but that’s exactly what Jared wanted. 

Chad and Jenny brought a cake in the shape of a reflex camera. It’s almost too pretty to eat it, but Jared eventually cuts the cake and it’s like being in chocolate heaven. It’s chocolate cake with chocolate cream cheese filling and dyed chocolate coating. Jared eats so much that he has to rest on the couch for a while because he feels sick. But that cake tastes so amazing that he hopes there will be leftovers for tomorrow.

Chris and Steve play songs the guests request—there’s dancing, eating, talking.

It’s 11pm when Jensen closes the curtains and sends Jared out on the patio together with Chad.

“What’s going on? Why do I have to leave my own party?” Jared sits on the bench on the patio. “Chad, do you know anything about this?” Jared looks at his friend expectantly. 

“You bet I do!” He leans against the balustrade and smiles at Jared. “You’re gonna love it! Promise.”

Ten minutes later, Jensen opens the doors. “You can come back inside now.”

The light is dimmed. There is something on the coffee table, covered with a sheet. Chris and Steve are sitting behind the table, guitars in their hands. 

Jensen takes Jared’s hand and leads him to the coffee table. 

“Happy birthday, Jay. I hope you like it.” He kisses Jared’s cheek and lifts the sheet from the table.

“OH!” is all that Jared says before kneeling down in front of the coffee table. “Is that The Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion?” He touches it, gently because he doesn’t want to break anything.

“Yup, it is.” Jensen crouches down next to Jared.

There is a big white pavilion on the table. Under the pavilion is a tiny stage with chairs and people in front of it. Fairy lights give it a warm white shine.

“Did you make that?” Jared turns to look at Jensen. Their faces are almost touching.

“Yes, every day before you came home from the shelter.” He smiles at Jared.

“That is absolutely amazing! All these tiny details! Wow!” He grabs Jensen’s face and looks him in the eye. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.”

Jared is about to get up when Steve and Chris start to play “Parachute” by Pearl Jam. Jensen pulls him back down.

“Take a closer look, Jay.”

Jared looks at the stage. There are six people. A keyboarder, a guitar player, a singer with a guitar, a bass player, another guitar player and a drummer. 

And at the small wall behind them is a _PEARL JAM_ sign.

Jared takes another look and realizes it’s an envelope. He takes it out very carefully because he doesn’t want the tiny band to tip over.

“Is this part of the present?” He points at the envelope.

“That _is_ the present, Jaybird. Now open it!” Jensen tucks a few hairs behind Jared’s ear.

“OH MY GOD!” Jared falls back and lands on his butt. “Are you serious, Jensen? These are for me? You got me Pearl Jam tickets?” Jared sits there with the tickets in his hands, his eyes switching between the tickets and Jensen, mouth hanging open.

“Yes, I got you Pearl Jam tickets. I thought we could go together. You’ve been talking about them so much since we met and that you would love to see them live. So when I saw the poster a few weeks ago I knew that I had to get the tickets. The show is at the end of October. I’m happy I got you the right gift.” Jensen smiles.

“This is the best gift in the entire universe, Jen!” Jared reaches for Jensen’s hand, who pulls him back up on his feet. He hugs Jensen so tight he’s afraid he’s gonna crush his ribs. “Thank you, Jensen. Thank you so much. This is one of my biggest dreams come true. I love you so much. Thank you.” He kisses Jensen. It’s a long and deep kiss. So deep that he forgets that his friends are still here.

Chad clears his throat. “We’re still here, Jare.”

Jared pulls away from Jensen. “Yeah, sorry. Thanks guys. This is the best 18th birthday I could have ever asked for. Here’s to another 80. Cheers!” And with that they clink their glasses.

They party until 4am. The sun is already rising when Chad and Jenny are leaving in a cab. Chris and Steve put their guitars on their backs and ride home on their bikes. Luke is the last one to leave. Jared walks him to the door.

“Thanks again for inviting me. I also have a birthday gift for you: take Monday off. See you on Tuesday. Night.” He walks down the stairs.

“Thanks, Luke. See you on Tuesday.”

Jared goes back inside. Jensen is putting the dishes into the dishwasher. Jared helps him with the rest.

“I’m going to bed, Jaybird. Don’t keep me waiting too long.” Jensen kisses him on the cheek and walks to the bedroom.

That’s it. Now it’s Jared’s turn to give his present to Jensen. He closes the bathroom door and stands in front of the mirror. “You can do this, Jay. You’ve been waiting for this for months. You practiced enough. Calm down. It’ll be great.”

He turns off the bathroom light and walks to the bedroom.

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

  
  


Jensen sits down on the bed and takes off his shirt. He’s about to turn off the light on his nightstand when the bedroom door opens. Very slowly.

Jared steps into the bedroom. He’s naked. Except for the red bow that is wrapped around his hard dick

“Hey, Jen.” He blushes.

It’s still one of the cutest sights for Jensen. “Jay, what…” 

“Shhh, please. I wanna do this.” He moves his hand from behind his back and presents Jensen with a bottle of lube. “Jen, I also have a very special gift for you today. I’ve been preparing for this for three weeks.” He comes closer and gets down on one knee in front of Jensen, who still hasn’t moved.

“Jensen, would you do me the honor and have sex with me?” Jared is holding his hand with the lube and condom up like he is presenting an engagement ring to Jensen.

“Yes, Jared. I wanna have sex with you.” Jensen pulls Jared up on the bed and kisses him. Before he deepens the kiss he takes off his boxers. 

Jared wants to have sex with him. Jensen feels light headed. He was patiently waiting for this moment to come and he can’t believe that Jared is making it a gift to him on his own birthday. Jared is giving his virginity to Jensen. 

Suddenly Jensen feels like this is his first time too. He wants it to be perfect. He wants Jared to feel comfortable. 

Jensen gets back on the bed with Jared. If he wants to play with his gift, he has to unwrap it first. He kneels next to Jared and takes one end of the bow between his teeth and slowly starts pulling. Very carefully. He can feel his own length grow and twitch. He licks the underside of Jared’s dick with the tip of his tongue. Jared shivers and tilts his head back. When Jensen reaches the head he looks up at Jared and says, “I love you,” before taking Jared’s beautiful and thick penis into his mouth.

“Oh fuck.” Jared hisses through his teeth.

Jensen’s now completely hard and hot for Jared. Even after all these months, he still gets this reaction from Jared when he blows him.

Jensen’s sucking and licking Jared’s dick very slowly before he lets go and spits on his fingers. He licks the precome from Jared’s slit before rubbing his wet fingers over Jared’s pink hole.

Jared grabs Jensen’s shoulder. “Do it, please. Work me open. I wanna feel you inside me,” Jared pleads, pushing his nails into Jensen’s shoulder. 

The pain is making Jensen leak. He loves how passionate Jared is in everything he does. He pushes one finger inside Jared’s hole.

“Ugh.” Jared lets out all the air. “More. Please.”

Jensen looks up, surprised about Jared’s plea. “You sure?”

“Oh yes. I’ve been stretchin’ that hole for you for the past three weeks. Please gimme more!”

Jensen pulls his finger out and pushes his index and middle finger back into Jared, who arches his back.

“Oh god, Jen. Feels so good. Stretch me, please. I wanna have your dick in me.”

Jensen starts scissoring Jared’s sweet hole. “You’re so full of dirty surprises, my sweet baby boy. Is that what you’ve been doing before bed when you locked yourself in the bathroom?” Jensen moves his fingers inside Jared, scissoring and stroking his sweet spot.

“I wanted to be ready for you, Jen. I want to give you everything. I want to feel you inside me.” He breathes heavily, his cheeks are flushed and his face is sweaty.

Jensen can see Jared’s dick twitch every time he hits the sweet spot in Jared.

“Jen, please. I wanna come with your dick inside me. Can’t wait any longer.” He props himself on his forearms to look at Jensen. 

“Okay, my hungry baby boy. Gonna fill you up so good.” He glides his fingers out of Jared and reaches for the lube.

He can see Jared licking his lips when Jensen rubs lube over his dick.

“You ready, Jaybird?” He strokes Jared’s hole with his slick erection.

“I’ve never been more ready in my entire life.”

Jensen pulls Jared closer and starts pushing his dick inside Jared.

“Oof!” Jared closes his eyes.

“Does it hurt?” Jensen stops and looks at Jared.

“Just a little bit. I always forget how big you are. Keep going, please.” Jared smiles at him and closes his eyes again, clenching the sheets as Jensen pushes further inside. 

“Deeper, Jen. I need to feel you completely inside me.”

Jensen can feel Jared’s hand on his thighs. Jared pulls him closer. He’s so hungry for Jensen’s dick.

Jared feels warm and tight and Jensen loves that they can finally connect that way. 

He’s still afraid to hurt his boyfriend but he also wants to be connected with him completely, so he does one final push.

“Oh fuck!” Jared pats on the bed three times. “Keep going. Move.”

Jensen is so surprised about how bossy his young and sexually inexperienced boyfriend is being. And it’s turning him on. A lot!

He grabs Jared’s thighs and pulls him closer, spreading his legs wider. He wants to enjoy what he is doing. Seeing his fat and slick cock moving in and out of Jared is such a pleasant view.

“Too bad you can’t see what’s going on down here, baby boy. It looks so damn hot.” Jensen holds on to Jared’s thighs and starts to move faster.

“But I can watch you in the mirrors on the closet doors. You look so strong and hot fucking me.” Their eyes meet in the mirror and Jared’s smile is so freaking dirty. Is that still his boyfriend who was too shy to look him directly in the eyes when they met three months ago? Jensen is so turned on right now.

But he wants more control. He pulls out completely and chuckles when he sees Jared’s disappointed look.

“Hey! What are you doing?” Jared protests.

“Get on your knees.”

Jared turns around and is on his hands and knees now. Jensen gets behind him and cups his butt cheeks.

“You have such a perfect ass, Jaybird.” Jensen presses himself against Jared and reaches for Jared’s big, hard dick. “And look at your beautiful dick. So big and hard for me.” He moves his hand along Jared’s length and he can see how Jared struggles to keep his eyes open and watch him.

“Jen, please don’t. I wanna come with you inside me.”

Jensen lets go and spreads Jared’s ass. He glides the tip of his leaking cock over Jared’s swollen hole before he thrusts inside. All at once. Jared pushes back into Jensen’s lap and their bodies smash together. Jared trembles and clenches his muscles around Jensen’s dick.

Jensen grabs Jared’s hair and pulls his head back and fucks him like there’s no tomorrow. 

Jared’s ass slams against Jensen’s hips with every deep thrust. The room is filled with the smell of sex and sweat. They’re both cursing, moaning each other’s name. 

All accompanied by the sound of bodies smacking into each other.

Jensen’s nails are digging into the skin of Jared’s hips. He holds on tight, pulling Jared back as he slams into him with full force. They keep watching themselves fucking their brains out in the mirrors the entire time.

When Jared comes, he comes like he never has before. He has a hard time not passing out when his come shoots all over the covers. 

Jared clenching around his dick was all Jensen needed to shoot his load into Jared.

He wraps his arms around Jared’s waist, his upper body resting on Jared’s back when he thrusts into him again and again and again until he is empty, ready to collapse.

He pulls Jared down with him and they end up on their sides, Jensen’s arms still wrapped around Jared’s waist. 

“Oh my god. Jaybird, are you still with me?” Jensen mumbles into Jared’s back.

“Hmmm.” 

Jensen’s head is spinning, he is out of breath, his dick still buried in Jared’s ass.

He is convinced that this is what heaven must feel like.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was not supposed to happen. It's a nightmare, but you are not dreaming.  
> And both of them have no idea what to do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so excited to write this chapter and I love the way it turned out.  
> Grab some tissues 🤧
> 
> Thanks to VampireLady and Destruction9 for your help.
> 
> If you like this chapter, leave kudos and a comment. I really appreciate it 💖

**_Chapter 13_ **

_ I cheated myself _

_ Like I knew I would _

_ I told ya I was troubled _

_ You know that I'm no good _

_ (You Know I'm No Good/ Amy Winehouse) _

  
  
  
  


**_End of July_ **

**_Jared_ **

They spend every day and night together for the next few weeks, that’s why they decide to part ways when there are two events they wanna go to in one night.

Jared attends Chad’s 18th birthday party and Jensen spends the evening with Chris and Steve at the Tonic Bar because his friends will play a gig.

Tonic Bar is their regular place to play gigs and hang out, so they will most likely meet some more friends there.

Jared packs his swim trunks and they say goodbye. The cab is already waiting outside for him.

He’s actually excited to spend the night apart from Jensen. This will give them the chance to actually miss each other. And he hasn’t seen Chad since his own birthday party.

When he arrives, Chad is already outside by the pool with a few other friends from high school. Friends, good music, food and booze. That’s all they’ll need tonight.

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

Jensen leaves after Jared. He also called a cab because he will definitely have a drink or two.

He arrives only a few minutes before the gig starts, so he just goes to say hi to Chris and Steve real quick. Jensen orders a gin and tonic, of course, and sits by the bar.

One gin and tonic turns into two, and he even gets on stage with Chris and Steve and they perform two songs together. The rush of adrenaline when the crowd claps and cheers after a song always feels incredible.

After the two songs, he returns to his place at the bar and orders another gin and tonic.

Jensen feels happy, warm and tipsy. He’s missed spending time at the Tonic Bar _.  _ It’s been way too long and he promises himself that he will come back more regularly.

He’s almost done with his third drink when someone slips onto the empty stool next to him. “Hey Jensen. Great performance.”

Jensen immediately chokes on his drink. He could never forget this voice.

His heart is beating fast and his ears are ringing when he turns around.

_ Austin _ .

Of all places in San Antonio, he shows up at the Tonic Bar on Jensen’s first night out without Jared.

There are a thousand thoughts racing through his mind, so many emotions rushing through his body.

This is the first time since their breakup that they’re seeing each other. After what happened that night, Jensen is more than surprised that Austin is talking to him. He doesn’t sound angry or bitter at all. 

“What...what are you doing here?” Jensen stutters, downing the rest of his drink.

“This is my first night off in weeks and I remembered how good the band Pepper was. So I decided to come here. I’m glad to see you’re still singing.” He smiles at him and Jensen can feel his knees weaken.

He feels like all the cheating and the nasty breakup never happened. Austin is here. And he is not mad at him anymore.

“Tell me, Jensen, how have you been?” Austin’s drink arrives and he takes a sip, waiting for Jensen to answer.

“I just got my Bachelor’s degree in Kinesiology and am doing an internship at Spine In Motion to gather some more experience before going back to college for my doctorate.” Jensen orders another gin and tonic.

“Glad you stuck with it and got your degree. And I’m glad we ran into each other. It’s been too long since we’ve seen each other for the last time. I always hated the way we broke things off that night, but I couldn’t face you anymore. But as they say, time heals all wounds. I reflected on those events a lot after we broke up and I was able to understand why it happened. Even though I always needed to let you know that I forgive you, I never had enough courage to do so. But here I am.”

Austin takes another sip from his drink and fully turns to Jensen to put a hand on his knee.

That touch, even though it’s through his jeans, sends a chill down Jensen’s spine.

His heart skips a beat. He never, in a million years, would have imagined that one day Austin would touch him again. He holds onto his drink, unable to move.

“Thanks, I guess,” Jensen mumbles. “That really means a lot, you know? The months after our break up were the hardest in my entire life. I felt so bad about what I did to you. And the fact that you were not angry, not yelling at me, broke my heart even more. I didn’t know if you would be okay. It took me six months to get back on my feet.” Jensen empties his drink halfway before putting it back on the bar.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel like this. But I was so disappointed and hurt that I just had to walk away. I gave you everything and you cheated on me. I couldn’t even look at you anymore that night.” He squeezes Jensen’s knee. “But I forgive you. I hope you can forgive yourself.”

Jensen holds his breath. Austin forgives him. He had no idea how much he was longing to hear these words. How much he needed to hear this to finally wipe the slate clean.

“Now I do.” He feels lighter in an instant. That heavy weight he’s been carrying has finally lifted off his shoulders. It was the heaviest burden he ever had to live with.

That’s when Austin leans towards Jensen. And just like they’re magnets, Jensen’s doing the same. His heart is racing, his mind is shut off, and then it happens.

They kiss.

And it’s not just a peck on the lips. There’s nibbling and licking. 

Nine seconds.

Nine seconds before Jensen gets pulled back into reality. He moves away from Austin with one quick move. “Oh god. Oh my god. No!”

Austin puts his hand back on Jensen’s knee but Jensen just slaps it away.

“Jensen, relax. It was just a kiss. It’s not like we haven’t done that before.” He smiles at Jensen.

Jensen wants to punch him in the face.

“I’m in a relationship. A very happy relationship.” He jumps from his stool.

“Doesn’t seem to be that happy when you kiss your ex at a bar.” Austin just shrugs his shoulders.

“Oh my god. What the fuck did you just say? I love Jared. He makes me happier than anyone else ever did or could. I’m drunk. You showed up and it all came back. I didn’t think!” He’s yelling at Austin. “GET OUT. GET OUT! NOW! I NEVER WANNA SEE YOU AGAIN! NOT AT THIS PLACE OR ANYWHERE AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD!”

The bar has turned silent. Chris and Steve stopped playing. You could hear a pin drop. Everyone is looking at them. 

Austin gets off his stool and backs away from Jensen. “Okay, okay. I’m leaving.”

Chris and Steve come over to Jensen. “Hey, Jenny. What happened? Was that Austin?”

Jensen downs the rest of his drink. “Yes. And we kissed. FUCK! I have to go. I have to go and tell Jared.”

Jensen is out the door waving for a cab before either of the two can say anything.

He kicks against the curb. Fuck. What was he thinking? He wasn’t thinking.

Jensen remembers the conversation they had after he told Jared about Austin.

*

_ “But don’t ever do something like that to me, you hear me?” _

_ “Never! Promise.” _

_ * _

Three months in and he already fucked up. He put his relationship with Jared in jeopardy. And for what? For a stupid drunk kiss with a guy he desperately tried to forget.

How’s he gonna explain this to Jared? He has to. There is no other option.

They made another promise to each other—no more secrets.

Jensen’s finally able to get a cab. He’s so mad at himself. Mad that he got carried away. Mad that he enjoyed the kiss, even if it was only for a few seconds. And he’s super annoyed by Austin for just brushing Jensen’s feelings off after that kiss.

He’s so afraid to face Jared. But he made a promise and he couldn’t live with that lie.

He arrives at Chad’s place faster than Jensen wants to. He pays the driver and gets out of the car. The cab leaves and he is alone. Suddenly he wishes he was wearing a hoodie. He shivers when he pulls out his phone to call Jared.

“ _ Hey! Jen! What’s up?” _

He can hear Jared laugh. There’s music in the background.

_ “Hey Jay. Could you come outside please? I have to talk to you.” _

Jensen can hear Jared’s laugh die.

_ “Wow. Yeah. I’m coming.” _

They hang up. Jensen feels like he’s going to lose the content of his stomach.

He hears the gate opening and looks up.

Jared steps out onto the sidewalk.

“Hey Jen. What’s up? You sounded so serious. Everything alright?”

Jensen only manages to look at Jared for a second. His hands are cold.

“No, Jay. It’s not. It’s the opposite of okay. I fucked up. Big time.” He looks up again and sees Jared’s anxious look.

“What happened? Did you kill someone?” Jared tries to joke about it. He takes two steps towards Jensen.

“No. But I think you’ll kill me after I’ve told you.” Jensen still hasn’t moved. His hands are buried in the pockets of his shorts. “We promised—no more secrets. I’m drunk.” He pauses and takes one last deep breath. “I met Austin at the bar. We kissed. Just for a few seconds. I feel terrible. I—”

“YOU DID WHAT?” Jared screams in a high-pitched voice. The entire neighborhood must have heard him.

“I kissed Austin.” Jensen’s voice is barely a whisper.

“Oh my god. Jensen. Please tell me this is some kind of sick prank!” Jared starts pacing. “Are you serious, Jensen?”

Jared stops for a second to look at Jensen. “Are you serious?”

Jensen looks up. It hurts, but he has to look at Jared. “Yes. I am. And I’m so sorry. I…”

“Why? Why did you do this? Why did you do this to me? To us?” Jared looks Jensen dead in the eyes, gesturing wildly with his arms.

If Jensen could, he would crawl even deeper into the pockets of his shorts. 

“I don’t know, Jay. I was tipsy. He said hi. Austin said he never wanted to see me again. But there he was. We talked about what happened the night we broke up and he forgave me. And then it just happened.” 

“You promised it. You promised me when I called you the night you told me about Austin. Jensen, you…” Jared’s voice breaks and Jensen can see tears in his eyes. Without thinking he makes a step forward, about to reach for Jared.

But Jared steps back, gesturing to him to stop. “No. Don’t. Jensen, you promised me you’d never do anything like that to me. You promised it and I believed you. Because I wanted to be with you. Because I love you so much. I let my guard down. You became my person.” Tears are streaming down Jared’s face. Jensen can barely understand him through all the tears and sobs. Suddenly he doesn’t look like an 18-year-old boy anymore. He looks like a little boy that fell and broke his model plane that he just got for his birthday.

Everything in Jensen screams to go over to Jared and hold him. But he made it very clear that he doesn’t want Jensen near him. So he stays put.

“I don’t even know what I am more mad about, Jen. The fact that you kissed someone else or that it was Austin.” The street light is shining onto Jared’s face and Jensen can see the tears streaming down his cheeks.

He feels even more terrible than he did when Austin confronted him. A few tears escape his eyes. “Jay, I don’t know what to say other than I fucked up. I made the biggest mistake in my life. You have to believe me, Jay. I love you and I’m so sorry.” 

“Don’t say that. Don’t say you’re sorry and don’t say that you love me. If you would love me, you wouldn’t have done it. Go. Just go.” Jared can’t stop sobbing.

The next sentence is only a choked whisper, but it makes everything in Jensen crumble into pieces.

“I don’t wanna see you again. Ever.”

Jared walks back into the house. Away from Jensen.

Jensen feels like he’s reliving that night with Austin again. His legs give out and he slides down the car parked behind him. Jensen wraps his arms around his knees and buries his head into them. His shoulders rise and fall and all he can think of is how he’s supposed to live without Jared. 

He gets up after five minutes and walks to the nearest bus station. He sits down in the very back of the bus and hopes that no one bothers him. He calls Steve and asks him if he can spend the night at his place.

When he arrives at Steve’s place, Chris is also there. Jensen is sobbing so hard, there’s no way they can understand him. They have to half-carry him inside and sit him down on the couch. Jensen just falls on his side and pulls his knees to his chest and cries until he has no more tears.

  
  


**_Jared_ **

Chad’s just left the bathroom when he sees light coming from his room. He goes to turn it off when he finds Jared on his bed. He can tell that his friend is crying.

“Jare, what happened?” He sits down next to Jared. 

“He kissed Austin.” Jared sits up. “Jensen kissed Austin.”

“What? His ex-boyfriend? When? Where?” Chad’s look is puzzled and since Jared doesn’t answer, he asks again. “When, Jared?”

“Tonight, at the bar. I told you about Chris and Steve’s gig. Can you call my mom and ask her to pick me up? Please. I wanna go home. Sorry to ruin your party.” He takes the tissue Chad is offering him.

“Sure, no problem.” Chad calls Sherrie and stays with Jared until she arrives.

They both wait in front of the house for Sherrie to arrive. Jared hugs Chad one last time before he opens the car door and sits down.

His mom backs out of the driveway and they’re back on the main road. 

It’s Sherrie who breaks the silence. “I can see that you were crying, Jared. What happened?”

Jared just stares out of the windshield. “Jensen kissed his ex-boyfriend.” Jared is very calm when he says it. 

“Oh.” Sherrie squeezes Jared’s knee. “I’m sorry, my baby boy.”

My baby boy. That’s what Jensen used to call him. My sweet baby boy.

“Stop the car!” Jared has to throw up.

Sherrie pulls over and Jared practically falls out of the car, throwing up in the grass. His mom comes running with some tissues and a bottle of water. “Here, drink something.” She pulls him back up and leads him to a bench.

Jared drinks about half of the bottle and wipes his mouth. His head is hanging low, his forearms are resting on his thighs. 

“I’m so mad at him. And at myself. Him cheating was the reason Austin broke up with him. He promised me he would never do anything like that again. I believed him, Mom. I wanted to be with him. I was sure he would keep his promise because he loves me. But that lingering fear was always in the back of my mind. And I was right. Mom, I don’t wanna be right.”

He starts sobbing again and Sherrie pulls him close, resting his head on her shoulder. “Shhh, sweetheart.” 

“I love him. He’s the first person that made me feel that way. He’s not a bad person, Mom. You met him. He said he loves me and that he’s sorry. But how can he love me and kiss his ex-boyfriend?” He turns to his side and buries his face in his mom’s neck. 

Sherrie pulls him closer and wraps him in her arms. It’s the same hug she gave him when he told her about Jensen for the first time. They both cried that night. But those were happy tears.

“Mom, it hurts so much. How can someone you love hurt you so much?” He’s sobbing uncontrollably now.

“Oh Jared, you opened your heart. We are the most vulnerable when we love. It’s what makes it so special. And sometimes it breaks your heart.”

Jared remembers the day his dog Jack died. He was his first pet and they adopted him when Jared was only three. They did everything together. Jared shared his meals with Jack, he would read his favorite books to him. They napped together on the big swingbench on the patio. Jared didn’t stop crying for days when Jack died of old age. He knew it was coming but it felt as if someone pulled the ground away from under his feet. That’s how he feels right now. Only a hundred times worse. 

“Mom, I don’t wanna feel like that. My heart hurts, my head is spinning. I love Jensen so much. How could he do this to me?” He can’t speak anymore. He cries just as hard as he did when Jack died.

His mom holds his trembling body, caressing his hair. “Shhh, Jared. Sweetheart. You’re gonna be alright. Everything’s gonna be alright. I’m here.”

It’s 2am on a Sunday night. He was supposed to enjoy Chad’s party. Spend time with his best friend and then go back home to his boyfriend.

Instead he’s sitting on a bench at the side of the road. He cries into his mother’s hair like he’s a ten-year-old boy again. 

His heart hurts.

He’s sure he won’t be alright. Ever. 

He can still hear Jensen’s voice. 

_ “Never! Promise.” _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are Jared and Jensen able to work things out or is it all over after this one fateful night at the bar?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys :)  
> Sorry for the delay. The story has been finished for quite some time now. My beta is very busy job wise right now, but I didn't wanna let you wait any longer, so I will be releasing the remaining 3 chapter un- beated (?) and will uplaod them again, when they are edited.
> 
> So you can keep any mistakes you may find. (Remember, english is only my second language)
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.
> 
> Get ready for some angst.
> 
> And when you're done, throw all the feedback at me <3

**_Chapter 14_ **

  
  


_ Imagine a world where no music was playing _

_ And think of a church with nobody praying _

_ Have you ever looked up at a sky with no blue _

_ Then you've seen a picture of me without you _

_ Have you walked in a garden where nothing was growing _

_ Or stood by a river where nothing was flowing _

_ If you've seen a red rose unkissed by the dew _

_ Then you've seen a picture of me without you _

_ (A Picture of Me/Lorrie Morgan) _

  
  
  
  


**_The next day_ **

**_Jensen_ **

When Jensen opens his eyes in the morning, he needs some time to remember where he is. He sits up and looks around. He’s in Steve’s living room. How did he get here and the biggest question is - why?

He rubs his eyes and searches for a clock. 10.30am. Jensen doesn’t know how long he’s been sleeping. Was he really that drunk? He takes his phone from the coffee table when it hits him - he called Jared and told him that he kissed Austin.

Jensen remembers what happened outside of Chad’s house and how Jared told him he doesn’t wanna see him again. Ever. 

He checks his phone but there are no missed calls or messages from Jared. 

Jared only said he doesn’t wanna see him. He didn’t say anything about calls. So Jensen just dials his number and waits. It rings for about a minute but Jared doesn’t pick up. Jensen tries it again right away. Still nothing. He makes sure that the volume is up so he can hear when Jared calls. 

He gets up and walks to the kitchen to find Chris and Steve having coffee.

“Hey Jenny. How are you?” Steve offers him a cup of coffee and Jensen grateful takes it. He takes a few sips and sits down at the kitchen island. “I have a headache. But that’s not the worst part.”

Chris puts a plate with a cream cheese bagel in front of him. “We still have no idea what exactly happened, except you said something about kissing Austin. You called Steve in the middle of the night and asked if you could stay at his place. You were a fucking mess when you arrived here, unable to talk. You just went into the fetal position and cried until you fell asleep.” 

Jensen stays silent and just drinks his coffee. He doesn’t touch the bagel though. He’s not hungry at all.

Steve crosses his arms in front of his chest. “Did you really kiss Austin?” 

Jensen just stares into his coffee.

“Oh my god, Jensen! Not again!” Steve just throws his hands in the air and leaves the room. Jensen didn’t know what else to expect.

Chris stays and asks the one million dollar question. “Why?”

Jensen plays with the spoon in the sugar bowl. He needs to do something with his hands so he can focus on what he’s gonna say. He doesn’t know if it’ll make sense.

“You know how desperately I tried to forget Austin? How this break up nearly destroyed me? The way we broke things off that night just wasn’t right.” Jensen spills some sugar on the counter and starts to move the sugar around, forming lines with it while he keeps talking.

“He just walked away after this and it was all my fault. It was even harder because we never had any closure. It was over from one second to the other.” He makes a sugar square on the counter.

“And when we talked at the bar he said that he gets why I did what I did and that he forgives me. I needed to hear those words so badly to forgive myself for what I’ve done. Even after all this time.” He pushes all the sugar to form a pile next to the sugar bowl. 

“The emotions just crashed over me like waves and then it happened. I don’t think I wanted to do this. It was really more of a reaction. But the bad part was that, even for just a few seconds, I kissed him back.” He’s crushing the sugar with the back of the spoon. He’s not even sure if Chris is still there because he hasn’t said anything. But it doesn’t matter. Jensen just has to get his thoughts out to try and make sense of everything that happened.

“I knew that I had to talk to Jared right away. We promised there won’t be any secrets between us. It was awful. We both cried and he was furious and hurt, but he wouldn’t let me come close enough to hold him. Of course he wouldn’t.” Jensen laughs sarcastically. He pours another load of sugar on the counter.

“I promised him it won’t ever happen again. And I managed to just destroy his trust in me, our love, our relationship with one stupid kiss. And then he told me that he never wants to see me again. And that was like a punch in the gut, because I heard those words before. And they didn’t exactly were part of a happy ending. I hate myself for putting him through this. He doesn’t deserve it. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me and I love him with every fiber.” Jensen is still crushing sugar and he applies more pressure to the spoon. 

“He’s not answering my calls and I really don’t know what to do. I can’t live without him.” Jensen finally looks up and sees that Chris is still there, handing him the trash can.

Jensen takes it and wipes the crushed sugar from the counter into the trash can.

“Thanks. I’m sorry I caused you guys so much trouble. I’m leaving.” Jensen drinks the rest of his cold coffee and is about to walk out of the kitchen.

“Jenny.” Jensen turns around, looking at Chris. “Don’t do anything stupid, okay?”

“I won’t. Thanks.” He can’t find Steve on his way out, but given his reaction earlier, it seems wiser not to bother him.

Jensen doesn’t call a cab this time. He walks all the way home because he needs time for himself. When he steps outside the sun is shining. 

He still feels cold.

  
  


**_Jared_ **

Jared wakes up to a thermos jug of coffee and a sandwich on his nightstand. There’s also a note “We’re at your aunts. Hope you feel better. Love, Mom.”

He sits up and pours some coffee in the mug. The coffee is still too hot to drink, so he gets up and walks over to his bathroom. Jared doesn’t like what he sees when he looks in the mirror -- his skin is pale, his lips are dry and cracked and his eyes are red and puffy. 

Jensen betrayed his trust. The thought makes him angry again. Jensen promised him this will never happen again. 

Jared remembers how much he wanted to hit Jensen when he told him about the kiss. There are tons of other guys his age out there but he had to kiss his ex-boyfriend. 

He showers, drinks some coffee and almost throws up after having a bite from his sandwich. Jared just can’t eat anything right now.

When he’s dressed he goes to their backyard and mows the lawn. He tries to keep himself busy. Afterwards, Jared takes a walk along the San Antonio River which runs behind their house. He doesn’t wanna talk to anyone. That’s why he left his cell phone at home. Jensen already tried to call him twice. Jared would just yell at him again and then cry. He can’t cry anymore.

Back home he goes to his bedroom, lies down on his bed and puts on some music.

His parents got him a new stereo for his 18th birthday. It holds up to 5 CD’s at once and just plays the next one once the current CD is finished. Jared doesn’t really pay attention to the music. He just needs some background noise while he stares at the ceiling.

Suddenly he gets pulled out of his thoughts and he can’t breathe because it feels like someone punched him in the chest. 

He hears Jensen’s voice.

_ You're my world _

_ The shelter from the rain _

_ You're the pills _

_ That take away my pain _

_ You're the light _

_ That helps me find my way _

_ You're the words _

_ When I have nothing to say _

The song Jensen wrote for him. 

Jared forgot that the CD was still in there. When he visited the last time he made Megan listen to it. 

Jared’s eyes are filled with tears and he doesn’t have the energy to get up and turn it off.

He just lies on his bed, listening to Jensen singing to him about how much he loves him. Jared physically hurts. 

Once the song is over he sends a text to Chad.

_ “Can you come over please? Can’t be alone right now.” _

Chad arrives about thirty minutes later and they sit in the living room, watching “Back to the future II “ And for a while they don’t talk. They are sitting at the opposite ends of the couch, just watching the movie. 

“I don’t want it to be like that. I miss him so much. I accidentally listened to the song he wrote for me before I texted you and I hate the way it makes me feel.” Jared just keeps looking at the TV while talking to Chad. “Why did it have to be Austin?” He pauses the movie and turns to Chad. “The only thing you told me was that he kissed Austin. That’s all. What did he tell you?”

Jared takes one of the throw pillows and plays with the buttons. He always needs something to concentrate on when he’s talking about serious topics.

“He said he kissed Austin and that was pretty much it for me. He mentioned that they talked before the kiss happened. I was way too shocked and hurt to listen to any of his excuses. I wanted him to hold me but I also wanted to punch him.” One of the buttons flies across the room.

“Yeah, I get that. But from the way you always talked about him and my impression of him when we spent time together, do you really think he would just go to a bar and kiss his ex out of the blue?” Chad takes the pillow away from Jared and hands him one without buttons.

Jared finds the zipper. “I don’t know. I guess not. I mean, it seems like he came to your place to talk to me right away and he remembered our promise ‘No more secrets’. Maybe you are right and he really didn’t mean to do it and he probably didn’t lie when he said that he’s sorry.” He puts the pillow behind his back and reaches for the remote and turns the movie back on. “But I’m not ready yet to let it go. He still kissed his ex boyfriend.” They keep watching the movie until Jared’s family is back home. Megan orders pizza and Sherrie invites Chad to stay for dinner.

When they play “The Game of life” later, it’s the first time that Jared smiles today.

There are 10 missed calls from Jensen when Jared checks his phone. He’ll call him back. But he still needs time, so he just puts the phone away and reads until he falls asleep.

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

It’s been seven days. He’s calling Jared every day, at least 3 times. He hasn’t called Jensen back yet, but that doesn’t stop him. 

Jensen’s still doing his internship. That way he stops thinking about Jared for a few hours. But he spends his lunch break on his own, just walking around. He barely eats and he starts drinking. It’s the only way he can sleep at night. 

He even extends his days at the internship, so he’s only off on Sunday. 

Chris and Steve call him every day to check on him. They even bring him food.

*****

During week two, Jensen actually starts eating what his friends bring him. Chris told him that he has to eat something and stop drinking. Obviously he looks like shit.

Jared still hasn’t called. The photo of the two of them at the beach is totally crinkled because Jensen holds it in his hand when he falls asleep.

He really needs to talk to Jared and let him know why he did what he did. To let him know how much he loves and misses him and how sorry he is for what happened.

Jensen only commutes between the internship and his apartment. He can’t go to Denman Estate Park or Elmendorf Lake Park because everything reminds him of Jared. Where they were holding hands for the first time, where they kissed under the stars.

He wanted to do it right this time. Instead he’s home alone, sleeping with a picture of Jared instead of having his boyfriend next to him. Actually, Jensen’s not even sure if Jared’s still his boyfriend.

*****

It’s week three and Jensen finally shaves and spends some time with Chris and Steve. Hanging out together and playing some music. He still calls Jared every day. Jared still doesn’t answer or calls him back. But Jensen’s tenacious because he still loves Jared with all his heart and the days just don’t get easier.

He misses Jared’s humor, his passion for pretty much everything. He misses waking up next to Jared who was watching him while he was sleeping. He misses Jared’s kisses or simply being in the same room with him.

“So, did Jared call you back yet?” It’s 1am on a Sunday night and somehow Steve doesn’t get tired of asking this question. “Of course he didn’t. Otherwise I would have told you.” Jensen’s fighting with his chopsticks. They ordered from their favorite Thai place. His appetite is slowly coming back. “And I still don’t know how to let him know how sorry I am and how much I miss him. He’s not answering my calls and he told me he doesn’t wanna see me. So, any ideas?”

“Oh Jenny, of course! And it’s a shame that you didn’t think of that yourself.” Steve hands him a pen and notebook. “Just write him a song. Remember how much he loved the song you performed for him at our gig? Do that again. We can record it together and then you can send the CD. What do you think?”

Jensen has been thinking about that. A lot actually. Steve is right, that’s his way of expressing his feelings. He takes his own notebook from his guitar case.

“Well, there’s nothing I have to be ashamed of. Here’s the chorus for the song you’ve been talking about.” He smiles at Steve and then plays the chorus.

Steve and Chris pick up the melody very quickly and work on the rest of the song while Jensen writes the lyrics as they go. In the end it’s just Jensen sitting there in front of the mic. Headphones on, guitar in his hands and a few tears escaping his closed eyes when they are recording the song.

It’s 7.30am and Jensen already feels better when he leaves. It’s what he needed, get it out of his head. Well, at least a bit.

Now he has to come up with an idea to get Jared to listen to it.

*****

Jensen just takes a quick shower when he gets home, changes into clean clothes and is on the road again. He arrives at Chad’s house at 9am and he hopes that Chad’s gonna hear him out. They seemed to get along very well so far and Chad’s Jared’s best friend, so Jensen figured he’d better talk to Chad instead of going to Jared’s place.

It takes three attempts before he actually rings the doorbell. About a gazillion hours later, the front door is being opened and a very sleepy Chad steps on the porch.

“Hey Jensen.” It’s more of a yawn than an actual sentence. “Come in.”

Jensen opens the gate and they sit down on the stairs.

“Sorry for waking you up so early but I really need to talk to you. Jared’s still not answering my calls, but I have something he needs to know.” 

“It’s alright. I’m glad you came by because Jared’s still too stubborn or proud to talk to you. Which is nuts because it was just a kiss and he told me you confessed it right away and that he has no idea why you kissed your ex. So, what do you want me to tell him?”

Jensen sighs. He’s relieved that Chad’s not mad at him. “Thanks man, that means a lot.” Jensen hands him the CD. “I’ve recorded this for Jared. Can you get this to him and make sure he listens to it? Tell him that I really need to talk to him?”

“Sure thing, Jensen. Gimme your number and I’ll text you when I meet Jare.”

“You’re awesome, Chad. Thanks. I owe you one!” They get up and go into the kitchen so Jensen can write down his phone number.

*****

Suddenly Jensen’s very tired. He hasn’t slept in over 24 hours and he can only drag himself to the couch before he collapses on it and falls asleep.

He wakes up when he hears a beeping. His phone. It’s 2pm and it’s a message from Chad. He just arrived at Jared’s place.

Jensen feels sick. He really hopes that Jared’s gonna listen to the song and calls him afterwards. It’s Jensen’s last straw.

  
  


**_Jared_ **

  
  


Jared’s surprised when Chad insists on coming over. But he has nothing to do anyway so he agrees.

Chad lets himself in and goes straight to Jared’s room. Jared’s on his bed, reading a book when Chad knocks.

“Yeah, come in.” They hug before both sit down on the bed. “What’s up, man? What’s so important that you have to come over right away?”

“There’s one rule. You let me talk until I’m finished, then you can get mad, okay?”

Jared frowns but agrees anyway. “Yeah, sure. Now spill it”

“Jensen stopped by this morning because he wanted to talk to me.” “But…” Chad just raises his hand. “Naah, let me finish.” “Yeah, okay.”

“He told me that you still haven’t answered any of his calls. He really wants to explain to you what happened and why it happened. He misses you, Jared. And since you’re not talking to him and don’t wanna see him, he gave me this CD. I had to promise to make sure you’ll listen to it.” He takes the CD from his jacket and gives it to Jared.

It’s a transparent, blue case and there’s one word on the written on the CD “Jared”

He walks over to his stereo and tries to put the CD into the CD player. His hands are so shaky that he drops the CD. He takes a deep breath and concentrates on what he’s doing. Then he sits down on his desk chair, puts on his headphones and presses play.

Jared closes his eyes. His entire body is covered in goosebumps when he hears the first chords and his stomach drops when he hears Jensen’s voice. He hasn’t heard it since he accidentally listened to “Tangled up in you”. That was three weeks ago. 

Jensen sounds tired, hurt, desperate. Jared leans back in his chair, holding the cord of the headphones in his hands.

_ There's a bottle on the dresser by your ring _

_ And it's empty so right now I don't feel a thing _

_ I'll be hurting when I wake up on the floor _

_ But I'll be over it by noon _

_ That's the difference between whiskey and you _

_ Come tomorrow, I can walk in any store _

_ It ain't a problem, they'll always sell me more _

_ But your forgiveness _

_ Well, that's something I can't buy _

_ There ain't a thing that I can do _

_ That's the difference between whiskey and you _

_ One's the devil, one keeps driving me insane _

_ At times I wonder if they ain't both the same _

_ But one's a liar that helps to hide me from my pain _

_ And one's the long gone bitter truth _

_ That's the difference between whiskey and you _

_ I've got a problem but it ain't like what you think _

_ I drink because I'm lonesome and I'm lonesome 'cause I drink _

_ But if I don't break down and bring it on myself _

_ It'll hit out of the blue _

_ That's the difference between whiskey and you _

_ One's the devil, one keeps driving me insane _

_ At times I wonder, oh if they ain't both the same _

_ But one's a liar that helps to hide me from my pain _

_ And one's the long gone bitter truth _

_ That's the difference between whiskey and you _

_ Ah, that's the difference between whiskey and you _

Jared’s still shaking when the song is over. He hadn’t realized he was crying through the entire song. He feels like someone ripped out Jensen’s heart and threw it in front of his feet to watch it stop beating. Jared had no idea  _ how _ sorry Jensen was and how much he punishes himself for what happened.

He puts the headphones back on the desk, wipes away his tears and walks back to the bed. “Thanks, Chad. Sometimes I am glad for your persistency.” He hugs Chad again. “Someone had to knock some sense into you. I’m gonna leave. My work here is done. And you call Jensen!” Chad’s already at the bedroom door when Jared whispers, more to himself than to Chad “I will. I’ll definitely call him.”

Once he sees Chad leaving the driveway, he picks up his phone and calls Jensen. He’s happy and nervous and he feels like he could need a drink to calm his nerves. But it’s too late, Jensen already answered the call.

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

It’s mushy. Instead of eating his corn flakes he was just moving them around in the milk. Almost 2.30pm and still no call from Jared. Jensen is about to get up and throw it in the trash when his phone rings. He was expecting Jared’s call but he is still so startled that the bowl slips from his hand and there are mushy corn flakes all over the floor, his socks and pants. He just lets the mess be a mess and answers his phone. “Yeah?” He has to clear his throat. “Jared?” Silence. He checks his display. It’s Jared and the call is still active. “Jared, say something!” He can hear Jared exhale. “Yes, it’s me. I need to see you. Are you at home?” Jensen smiles. From ear to ear. His eyes are glistening. “Yeah, I’m home.” “Okay, I’ll be there in twenty minutes.” He hangs up and Jensen stares at his phone. Jared’s talking to him again and he wants to see him. Hallelujah! His wet socks are getting uncomfortable. He cleans up the mess and changes into clean clothes. 

When he’s done, he sits down on the bench on the patio, waiting for Jared.

*****

When Jared’s car pulls into the parking lot, Jensen first instinct is to just get up and run towards Jared. But he figures it’s better to wait and give Jared the space he needs.

Jared gets out of the car and smiles at Jensen. Jensen feels like his legs are about to give in. It’s that weird, tingly feeling you get when you are falling in love and you see your crush. That’s how Jensen feels. It’s like a first date.

Jensen just stands there in front of the bench, smiling at Jared like an idiot. As he comes closer, Jensen can feel his heart beating faster. They’re pretty much face to face now and Jared’s smiling just as wide as him. How Jensen missed that smile, the dimples it forms on Jared’s face. Jared’s eyes have the color of sunflowers. It gives him hope. Hope that this is gonna work out.

Jared’s eyes are getting wet and that’s the moment Jensen can’t contain himself anymore. He wraps Jared in his arms and makes a promise to himself - he will never ever let him go again. Jared puts his arms around Jensen’s waist and both of them bury their faces into each other’s neck. 

No one says a word. They just stand there and sob into the other one’s shirt. All the tension is gone and the emotions break free. The fear of losing each other, all the pain they were in but couldn’t share with each other. Jared’s here. They are together again.

Jensen slowly breaks the hug and grabs Jared’s face. He missed this more than he knew he could. He whispers “Oh, baby boy” before he just sinks into the kiss. Jared’s lips feel softer than he remembers them and his smell is making Jensen feel light headed. It takes a lot of willpower to let go. 

Still holding Jared’s face, he smiles at him, mouthing “I missed you.” 

Now it’s Jared who kisses Jensen. It’s like he’s saying “I missed you too” without words.

Jensen takes Jared’s hand and leads him back to the bench. “I’m so glad you came, you have no idea!” He squeezes Jared’s hand, afraid to let go. “I listened to your song and I’m so sorry I didn’t answer any of your calls and give you the chance to explain what happened. But I was so angry, hurt and disappointed that I just couldn’t face you. But I also missed you so much. Each and every day. I was too stubborn to call you back, but Chad is right - I don’t really know what happened and why. I just heard you saying you kissed Austin and that was it. I wanted to punch you.” He gives Jensen a shy smile. Almost apologetically. 

“I get that and I don’t blame you one bit. I was mad at myself too. But I really wanna tell you what happened. You wanna hear it?” He moves over to the other end of the bench, so he can actually look at Jared.

“Yeah, as ready as one can be.” Jared’s smile is insecure.

“I did two songs with Chris and Steve and when I got back to the bar Austin just slipped onto the stool next to me. I was so shocked that he was there and talking to me. I didn’t expect to ever see him again, but there he was. We talked for a while, about what happened that night he broke up with me. And when he said he forgives me for what happened, it lifted such a huge weight off my shoulders that my brain just shut off. All the emotions I thought were long gone just washed over me and I was so relieved that he forgave me. Then he leaned towards me and my body just reacted. As soon as I realized what was happening I backed off and told him no and he just told me to relax. Can you believe this?! Then he brushed off the fact that I was in a relationship. And that’s the same guy I cried my eyes out for weeks because he broke up with me. I told him to never show up at the bar or the neighborhood again. I am done with this guy. I knew right then and there that I had to tell you. I knew it would most likely ruin everything, but I wanted to keep at least one of my promises - no more secrets. And you were so mad at me. I wanted to hold you when you were crying. And then you said the same words as Austin when he broke up with me and it was like the biggest punch in the gut. Even after only 3,5 months you already meant the world to me and this was the last thing I wanted to happen. I crashed at Steve’s place that night, I just couldn’t be alone.” Jensen grabs Jared’s hands and smiles at him. “Do you think we can try and leave that behind us? Because I don’t wanna be without you another day.” They are still holding hands when it’s Jared’s turn to talk. “You know, I was so mad and hurt that I threw up on my way back home. I love you so much Jensen. And you broke a promise you made. I needed time to think about this. If I can trust you again after what happened. It took me a while to realize that it was only a kiss and now that I know what happened, it makes sense. I never doubted that you love me. The fact that you came to me right away was proof enough. But I was too angry to give you credit for that. I wanna be with you, Jensen. I forgive you. But if anything like that ever happens again, that’s it. I’m not playing games.” Jared moves closer to Jensen and he has this furrow on his forehead. “I’m not playing games either. I wanna be with you and only you. Okay, the next part’s cheesy. You just have to live with that, if you wanna be with me.” The puzzled look on Jared’s face makes Jensen giggle.

He pulls two rings from his pocket. “I bought these rings for us. It’s like friendship rings but for lovers. And since we both love Star Wars, the choice was easy.” He opens his hand and shows Jared the rings. Two matt silver rings. One has the words “I love you” engraved on the outside and the other one says “I know”. On the inside it says J♾J. “Oh my god, Jensen! You wrote two songs for me and now you even got me a ring? This is serious, isn’t it?” He takes the “I know” ring and puts it on his right ring finger. “This is the most serious thing in my life, Jared. I love you so very much. Please move back in with me. I miss falling asleep and waking up next to you.” 

Jared puts the “I love you” ring on Jensen’s finger. “Yes, I wanna move back in with you.” He leans over to kiss Jensen and they entwine their fingers, rings touching. He’s got Jared back and he couldn’t be happier. 

They get up and walk over to Jared’s car to go get his stuff from his parents house. 

When he turns on the radio,  _ Cinderella _ is playing. “Don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone” Jensen smiles and squeezes Jared’s thigh. He knows what he’s got and he’s never letting it go again.

  
  
  
  
  



	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are finally back together and things are changing for the better.  
> And then it's finally here -concert day!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is also unedited. But I loved writing it. And I hope you love Merakieros drawing as much as I do 💖
> 
> Enjoy and leave some feedback

**CHAPTER 15**

_When you're authentic, you're incredible_

_I like the view behind your eyes_

_There was no one else who could break it down_

_And cut right through to the heart_

_I just wanna lie_

_Underneath this tree_

_While you whisper secrets_

_On a melody_

_(The last song of your life/P!NK)_

  
  
  


**_End of September_ **

**_Jared_ **

They load the last of Jared’s boxes into the minivan they’ve rented.

Jensen finds Jared in his old room. He’s sitting on his bed, holding a framed picture in his hands. It’s the one they took at the beach. He can’t help but smile before he puts it in his backpack. 

“Are you ready, Jaybird?” Jared looks up and sees Jensen standing in the doorway, smiling at him. He gets up and takes one last look around his room. He’s leaving his childhood home and it’s harder than he imagined. But he’s so looking forward to being with Jensen. He clears his throat. “Yeah, lets go.”

When Jared walks through the door he sees the lines carved in the door frame. One for each year. The last one’s from when he turned 18. He feels a lump forming in his throat. He knows that this goodbye is not forever, they can always visit. But it still feels strange. He loved living with his family.

“Jared?” It’s Jensen calling him from downstairs. “Coming.” He takes two steps at once. 

Jensen grabs his hand and drags him outside. Sherrie, Gerald and Megan are waiting for them. They say goodbye to Megan and she hands them a framed picture of the three of them doing silly faces. Jared remembers when it was taken. Megan’s birthday. The first time he brought Jensen “home”. “Thanks, Megs.” He hugs her tight and kisses her on the hair when he lets go. 

Next in line is Gerald. He hugs both boys in a manly manner and tells them to call if they need help with anything at the new apartment.

Sherrie’s waiting at the van, holding a basket. “I made you guys a casserole and some dinner rolls for tonight. I also put two jars of the homemade strawberry jam Jared’s loves so much.” She puts the basket in the van and goes to hug Jared. 

“Good luck, sweetheart. And remember, we’re always here if you need anything.” A kiss on the cheek and Jared gets in the car. He doesn’t wanna cry right now.

His mom looks small in Jensen’s arms when they hug goodbye. “You take good care of our baby boy, promise.” Jensen smiles at her. “Yes Ma’am, I promise.” Jensen gets into the driver seat and closes the door. 

His family is still standing there, waving, when they pull onto the street. And like Jensen can sense how hard this is for Jared, he puts his hand on top of Jared’s and smiles. “Let’s go home, baby boy.”

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

  
  


The sun is setting when they arrive at their new place. They found this beautiful one bed apartment that’s only a few minutes away from Jensen’s old place. After they’ve talked, both of them realized that they don’t want to be without the other one anymore. And apart from the time they were seperated, Jared spends all his time at Jensen’s place.

Jensen turned his internship into a paid job and the shelter was so impressed with Jared’s skills, that they asked him to do all the official photography jobs from now on. They even paid for Jared’s license to work as a freelance photographer. Jared and him aren’t millionaires, but their jobs pay well enough to rent an apartment. 

Together they carry Jared’s belongings into the apartment. With the help of their friends Chris, Chad and Steve, they painted the apartment the week before they moved. They brought all of Jensen’s stuff here earlier today, so they just put Jared’s boxes into the spare room and sit down at the dining table to eat Sherrie’s casserole. 

“Can you believe this, Jen? We’re having dinner at our own place! It feels amazing and scary at the same time to start something new, together. But I know we can do this.” He kisses Jensen’s cheek. “Oh man, this is so exciting.”

Jensen just stares at Jared in awe. He’s sure he’ll never get enough of Jared and the way he gets excited about the little things. It makes him glow and Jensen loves Jared’s flushed cheeks. Suddenly Jensen feels full. Not just from the dinner, but also full of love. So much love that he thinks he’s going to explode. He knows he wants Jared in his life forever.

“Jen? Are you still with me?” Jared touches his arm. Jensen focuses on Jared and raises his right hand, turning it so that Jared can see the ring and says “I love you.” Jared does the same and whispers “I know.”

They’re staying up late that night.

  
  


*****

  
  


One week later they’re having a small housewarming party. It’s still warm and now that they have a tiny garden, they’re having a BBQ with their friends.

They even invite Megan and Jensen’s little sister Mackenzie who seem to become friends immediately. This will make family gatherings so much more fun. 

Jenny and Chad give them the best and most silly housewarming gift ever. Jared gets a pillow with Jensen’s face on it and Jensen gets one with Jared’s face on it.

“That way, you never have to sleep alone when the other one’s not home.”

Megan is staying overnight, because they are all invited for lunch at the Padalecki house tomorrow.

The party is in full swing when Jensen and Megan excuse themselves and leave the apartment.

  
  


**_Jared_ **

  
  


Why are Jen and Megs leaving the apartment and where are they going? The party isn’t over yet, there’s still enough food and drinks. What are they doing?

But before Jared can give it too much thought, Chad calls for a revenge at Mario Kart.

  
  


*****

  
  


It was a stupid idea to agree to lunch at 12pm. They have barely slept and Megan acts like a grumpy toddler when Jared tries to wake her up. He gives up after five minutes. It’s Jensen and a plate with pancakes that wake her up with a smile. Of course!

  
  


*****

  
  


The table is set in the dining room at his parent’s house because it’s raining cats and dogs since they’ve left their apartment. Sherrie’s already waiting for them at the door. “Come on in guys. I made potato soup and mint tea, oh and brownies!” His mom’s clearly happy to have them all home for lunch.

  
  


*****

Jared’s just coming back from putting some photography magazines in the car when he finds the dining room empty. There’s also no one in the living room. He’s about to check the kitchen when he finds the door locked. “Just a second, honey.” That was his mom. First Megan, now his parents. What the hell is going on?

He walks back to the living room. Jared’s huffy. If they don’t wanna talk to him, then he’ll watch TV and don’t talk to them. He opens a bag of sour gummy worms and switches through the channels until he finds an old episode of “Knight Rider”.

“Hey sweetheart, what’s going on.” Sherrie sits down next to him. “Nothing.” He tries very hard not to ask her what they were doing in there, so he just shoves another hand full of gummy worms into his mouth.

The rest of them join the two in the living room and they watch “Knight Rider” until it’s time to go back home.

  
  
  


**_October 15th_ **

**_Concert day_ **

**_Jensen_ **

Jared’s up at the crack of dawn. He is buzzing with excitement, listening to bootlegs since he got up. He spends two hours in front of the closet to find the perfect Pearl Jam shirt for tonight.

“Oh my god, Jensen. How can you be still in bed? We have to leave in two hours. Who knows how bad the traffic is. We have to get to the Motel, unpack, change and then get to the venue. You have to get up. Now!” 

No more coffee for Jared today.

  
  


*****

Traffic was good for a Saturday morning. They arrive at the Motel at noon and unpack and change real quick. They’re stopping at a small pizza place on their way to the venue.

It’s 2pm when they arrive at the Pavillion. There are already people waiting. It takes them a few minutes before they spot Chris, Steve and Chad. They arrived yesterday evening. 

“Hey, guys!” Jared jumps Chad from behind. “I’m so excited! I hope I can keep my pizza down. Are you excited too? Are you?” Jensen pulls Jared back down. 

“Jensen, did you let him drink coffee this morning?” Chad looks tortured. “I’m sorry. He was up at the crack of dawn, unsupervised.” He says hi to Chris and Steve.

At 3pm the gates open and everyone’s trying their hardest to get as close to the stage as possible. It looks absolutely stupid, but the five are holding hands so they don’t lose each other on their way in.

They make it to the 6th row in front of the stage. 3,5 hours until showtime.

A few beers later and many conversations with other fans, Jensen sees the setlists being taped to the stage floor.

“I’m getting really nervous now. Look, they’re about to start.” Steve puts an arm around Jensen’s shoulder. “Relax Jenny. Enjoy the show.”

Everybody’s screaming when the band comes on stage, but Jensen’s sure that no one screams as loud as Jared. His boyfriend’s happily singing along to the first song and that’s all Jensen wanted.

  
  


**_Jared_ **

  
  


Jared’s singing, clapping, jumping and occasionally throwing a “Can you believe this?” at his friends.

This is the second best day in his life so far. He wanted to do that for so long and now he’s finally here. The band that saved him so many times is on stage and the crowd is going wild. Everyone knows every word to every song. They are like a huge choir. An entire field full of friends. If it would be possible, you could see sparks in the air.

This feels like an out of this world experience for Jared. Covered in goosebumps for an hour. Smiling so much, it hurts. But he can’t stop. He’s breathing the same air as his heroes. If this would be his last day, Jared could die in peace.

The band is in the middle of “Rearviewmirror” when Jensen announces a bathroom break. Must be the beer. Jared doesn’t really pay much attention to his boyfriend. He can spend every day with him, but he only has this one night with Pearl Jam.

Jared’s totally losing it when he hears the first chords of “Parachutes”. It’s one of his all time favorite songs. “Oh my god, Chad. It’s like they knew how badly I wanted to hear that one!” Jared’s shaking Chad. He grabs Jared’s by the shoulders. “I believe there’s something else you really wanna hear.” “Are you kidding me? This is the only song I taught myself to play on guitar because I love it so much!” Chad just shakes his head and smiles. “I know. Just turn around. I’m 150% sure that you also love to hear this.” Jared frowns. “What the hell are you talkin’ about?” Chad just turns Jared around, slowly.

“What the…” Jared’s mouth is hanging open and his eyes switch back and forth between Chad next to him and Chris and Steve in front of him. Where’s Jensen?

Why are they each holding a sign? 

That’s the moment Jensen makes his way towards Jared and Chris and Steve turn their signs around.

MARRY ME

He drops his beer. “Chad, what? Why? How? Did you...did you know about this.” Instead of an answer, Chad just smiles and lovingly pushes Jared towards Jensen.

“Jensen, I…” He can’t move or find words. 

Jensen takes Jared’s hands. “Hey, baby boy. I guess the surprise was a success.” Jensen smiles nervous, looking down at his shoes. “I thought long and hard about how I could make this special day even more special. And then it was just so crystal clear. The day I got you back, I knew I never wanted to let you go again. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to have a lot more firsts with you. I wanna grow old with you. You are my one and only, my happy place.” Jensen lets go off Jared’s hand and drops on one knee.

The people around them have stopped paying attention to the band and are watching the two. 

Chris is handing Jensen a small black box and Jensen opens them.

“Jared Tristan Padalecki, will you do me the honor and become my husband?” 

Jared looks around. He looks at Chad and Chris and Steve and all the people around them. Then he looks back at Jensen, who’s still kneeling in front of him. The look on his face is so full of love and admiration that Jared is totally blown away. A proposal. At the concert of his all time favorite band and all their friends knew.

“Yes! Yes, yes, yes and a million times yes. I do wanna be your husband!” Jared feels like flying when Jensen puts the ring on his left ring finger. It’s his grandma’s engagement ring.

He pulls Jensen up and their heads just smash together as they drown in that kiss, holding each other’s face. The crowd is cheering and clapping, but Jared and Jensen are somewhere else. Cloud nine or nine hundred.

When they break the kiss, they rest their foreheads against each other, trying to catch their breath. The band stopped playing and Eddie talks to the crowd. 

“Did he say yes?” It all happens so fast and Jared’s sitting on the shoulders of his friends, holding up the hand with the engagement ring and forming a heart with his hands, shouting. “YES!”

“Congratulations guys! This song is for you.” They lower Jared back to the ground and he kisses Jensen again. “I love you, you crazy bastard.” The band starts to play.

  
  


_If I ever were to lose you_

_I'd surely lose myself_

_Everything I have found here_

_I've not found by myself_

_Try and sometimes you'll succeed_

_To make this man of me_

_All of my stolen missing parts_

_I've no need for anymore_

_I believe_

_And I believe 'cause I can see_

_Our future days_

_Days of you and me_

_Back when I was feeling broken_

_I focused on a prayer_

_You came deep as the ocean_

_It's something something out there here_

_All the complexities and games_

_No one wins, but somehow, they still play_

_All the missing crooked hearts_

_They may die, but in us they live on_

_I believe_

_And I believe 'cause I can see_

_Our future days_

_Days of you and me_

_When hurricanes and cyclones rage_

_When wind turned dirt to dust_

_When floods they came or tides they raised ever_

_Closer became us_

_All the promises at sundown_

_I meant them like the rest_

_All the demons used to come around_

_I'm grateful now they've left_

_So persistent in my ways,_

_Here a angel, lying here to stay_

_No resistance, no alarms, please this is just too good to be gone_

_I believe_

_And I believe 'cause I can see_

_Our future days_

_Days of you and me_

_You and me_

_It's you and me_

Jensen pulls Jared in for a hug and they start slow dancing. It feels like a rehearsal for the actual wedding dance. 

Jared was wrong - _this_ is the best day of his life.

  
  


*****

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

He said yes. Jared wants to marry him. They’re gonna be husbands. Jensen was so nervous, he almost chickened out. He had it planned for a few weeks. Megan was the first he told about this at their housewarming party. He knows how close Jared and his sister are, so he knew when she was on board, Jared’s parents would be too.

Megan was so happy and excited that Jensen was afraid she would just blurt it out as soon as they got back to the apartment. But she didn’t. They both talked to Sherrie and Gerald the day after the party and it was Sherrie’s idea to give Jensen her mom’s engagement ring. 

*****

“I actually wanted to give it to Jeff, but he’s probably never gonna get married. So I want you to have it. It’s been in my family for four generations. And all women who wore this ring were happily married for many, many years.” 

*****

Jensen wanted the proposal to be extra special and cheesy. He knows how much Jared loves cheesy. He was so excited that it was pure torture to wait until the concert. But he knows he created a memory he and Jared will always carry in their hearts.

The shout out from Eddie and the dedicated song was just the cherry on top.

Jensen sends Mackenzie a text message after the proposal to let her know that she’s soon going to have a brother in law. He promises to call her with more details tomorrow.

After the show they are heading for a few more drinks, because this needs to be celebrated. On their way to the bar, Jared calls his mom.

“Jared, sweetheart. How was the concert?” It’s almost midnight, but Jared can tell that his mom was waiting for his call. “Mom, you know why I’m calling. I said yes!” His face hurts from all the smiling. “Gerald, Megan, he said yes! We’re gonna have a wedding!” Jared squeezes Jensen’s hand. “And you all knew about this for weeks? How did you manage to keep it a secret?” “Oh Jared, I’m telling you. I will never ever do that again. The excitement nearly ended me. We will need to see pictures the next time you guys visit. And now go, celebrate! We love you.” “We love you too, mom. Night.” They reach the bar. A Pearl Jam tribute band is playing. There are many drinks and even more kisses that night. They get just enough sleep to make it home safe the next day.

From time to time, Jared just looks at the ring. His _engagement ring._ He touches the dark red stone that’s embedded in the center and all he can do is smile and think that he’s gonna be marrying the love of his life. 

If it would only be the wedding day yet.

  
  
  
  
  



	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One month until the wedding. There's so much to do and organize and think about.  
> Will this be the wedding Jared and Jensen dreamed of?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still can't believe I've actually did it. I wrote my very first story and I am so proud of it!  
> Thank you guys for reading it and for your feedback. It means the world to me.
> 
> The final scene was in my head when I was still writing chapter 14 and Freckles&Dimples did an absolute amazing job!
> 
> This chapter will be updated once it is betad. 
> 
> One last time - enjoy and leave a comment.
> 
> Much love 💖

**Chapter 16**

_Yes, you're lovely, with your smile so warm_

_And your cheeks so soft_

_There is nothing for me but to love you_

_And the way you look tonight_

_With each word your tenderness grows_

_Tearin' my fear apart_

_And that laugh, wrinkles your nose_

_Touches my foolish heart_

_(The way you look tonight/Frank Sinatra)_

  
  
  


**_Mid November_ **

**_Jensen_ **

Jensen’s sitting in the armchair in their living room. Jared’s still sleeping. It’s been one month since he proposed. Right now he is looking at one of the photos Chad took during the proposal. Jensen still hasn’t wrapped his head around this. They are really gonna get married in a month. Sometimes he’s afraid he will wake up one morning and realize it was all just a drunken dream and they never actually got back together.

He gets up and walks over to their bedroom and quietly opens the bedroom door. Jensen smiles when he finds Jared still asleep. It’s like an addiction. Jared looks so soft and peaceful when he sleeps. Rosy cheeks and wild chestnut brown hair falling onto his forehead. Jensen wants to protect Jared so badly, even though he knows Jared’s capable of taking care of himself. Jensen’s making a complete fool out of himself. He never loved anyone the way he loves Jared. It’s scary.

Jensen closes the bedroom door and goes back to sit down in the armchair. This time he brings his guitar. He remembers one of the first songs he wrote for Jared after they spent the first night together at Jensen’s place. He already loved watching Jared sleep when they knew each other for only a week.

  
  


**_Jared_ **

Jared’s not sure, but he thinks he heard the bedroom door being closed. But when he opens his eyes he’s alone. It’s still raining and he puts on a shirt after he gets up because it’s a little chilly this morning. That’s when he hears music coming from the living room. Jensen’s playing guitar. He hasn’t done that in quite a while. At least not a home.

Jared opens the bedroom door as quiet as possible and tip toes to the doorway of the living room. He leans against the wall and just listens.

_I could stay awake just to hear you breathing_

_Watch you smile while you are sleeping_

_While you're far away and dreaming_

_I could spend my life in this sweet surrender_

_I could stay lost in this moment forever_

_Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure_

_Don't want to close my eyes_

_I don't want to fall asleep_

_'Cause I'd miss you baby_

_And I don't want to miss a thing_

_'Cause even when I dream of you_

_The sweetest dream will never do_

_I'd still miss you baby_

_And I don't want to miss a thing_

Even though he can’t see Jensen’s face, Jared knows that his eyes are closed.

Being completely in the moment.

_Lying close to you, feeling your heart beating_

_And I'm wondering what you're dreaming_

_Wondering if it's me you're seeing_

_Then I kiss your eyes_

_And thank God we're together_

_And I just want to stay with you in this moment forever_

_Forever and ever_

He remembers the first night he spent at Jensen’s place and how he woke up to Jensen watching him.

_I don't want to close my eyes_

_I don't want to fall asleep_

_'Cause I'd miss you baby_

_And I don't want to miss a thing_

_'Cause even when I dream of you_

_The sweetest dream will never do_

_I'd still miss you baby_

_And I don't want to miss a thing_

_I don't want to miss one smile_

_And I don't want to miss one kiss_

_And I just want to be with you_

_Right here with you, just like this_

_And I just want to hold you close_

_I feel your heart so close to mine_

_And just stay here in this moment_

_For all the rest of time_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah_

Jensen tries to keep it down, but Jared can still hear the emotions in his voice.

He wants to hug him.

_Don't want to close my eyes_

_Don't want to fall asleep_

_'Cause I'd miss you baby_

_And I don't want to miss a thing_

_'Cause even when I dream of you (even when I dream)_

_The sweetest dream will never do_

_I'd still miss you baby_

_And I don't want to miss a thing_

_I don't want to close my eyes_

_I don't want to fall asleep_

_'Cause I'd miss you baby_

_And I don't want to miss a thing_

_'Cause even when I dream of you_

_The sweetest dream will never do_

_I'd still miss you baby_

_And I don't want to miss a thing_

_Don't want to close my eyes_

_I don't want to fall asleep, yeah_

_And I don't want to miss a thing_

“Jensen, that was beautiful! Did you write it?” Jensen puts the guitar aside and turns to Jared. “Hey, baby boy. C’mere.” Jared walks over and cuddles up on Jensen’s lap. “Good morning.” They share a soft but passionate kiss. Eyes closed, Jared’s holding Jensen’s face. “Good morning to you too. And yes, I wrote it after you spent the first night at my place. It’s super cheesy, I know. But watching you sleep is better than any blockbuster.”

Jared giggles. “Yes, Jenny, that _is_ super cheesy. But I also love watching you sleep. So we’re even. Breakfast, MyLady?” He gets up and extends his hand toward Jensen who takes it as he gets up. “With pleasure, MyLord.” Jensen links arms with Jared and they both walk over to the kitchen.

They are in the middle of breakfast when the doorbell rings. Jensen opens the door to find the mailman waiting with a package. He signs for the package and goes back to the kitchen. They find a dark green box inside which contains their wedding rings. 

Both of them put a lot of thought into what rings to get. They didn’t want the standard wedding band, because their love story isn’t the standard one. It’s special and unique. So after some research, they decided to get wooden wedding rings. Jared talked to the people at Elmendorf Lake Park if they could get a small branch from the tree they were lying under when they kissed for the first time. Luckily their wish was granted and they had their rings made from a combination of that Oak tree and Tungsten carbide. 

Jensen and he decided to get wooden rings because wood is natural and grows, just like their love. Wood symbolizes the circle of life - it had to grow strong from a seed to a tree. And just like a tree, couples need to be strong to stand the test of time. So it’s the perfect symbol for their love and relationship.

They both try on their rings to see if they fit and Jared can’t help but smile. “One months until you’re officially mine.” He puts his hand on top and Jensen’s, who answers with a kiss.

They put the rings back into the box and place them next to the proposal photo on the end table.

It’s still raining so they take the car to pick up the cake for the wedding cake tasting.

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

  
  


Jensen didn’t care so much for the cake, so he made Jared choose what they’d be taste testing.

Once they’re back home they unbox the cakes and to his surprise, Jensen finds a chocolate cake filled with cream and strawberries, iced with mint frosting.

He looks at Jared and the surprise is written all over his face. He holds the box in front of Jared’s face. “You...you requested that?” Jared just smiles at him.

“Of course I did! It’s your all time favorite and I remembered when you made me try it when I spent my first night at your place. You know, I can also be romantic.” He smirks and takes a fork full of cake and feeds it to Jensen. “Mmmmmh, that tastes like heaven! Your turn.” Jared leans forward so Jensen can feed him. But he misses Jared's mouth and the cake falls into the neckline of Jared’s shirt. “Omg, Jensen!” Jensen can’t stop laughing. “‘M sorry. Come here. Lemme help you.” He reaches into Jared’s shirt but instead of grabbing the entire piece it gets smeared all over Jared’s chest. “Ugh, that feels so weird.” Jensen lets go, his hand covered in mint frosting and cake crumbs and Jared takes off his shirt. Jensen just licks it off his fingers, slowly. One by one, never leaving Jared’s gaze. “You’re terrible, Jensen! You have to clean me up as well.” He steps towards Jared and starts licking the cake off Jared’s chest.

“Let’s take this taste testing to the bedroom…”

  
  


**_Two weeks until the wedding_ **

**_Jared_ **

  
  


Chad and Jared pick up the light grey wedding suits from the tailor and stop at a diner afterwards. Jared feels like he needs to talk to his best friend.

They sit down at a booth in the back of the diner for some privacy and order burger and fries. But he doesn’t really feel like eating.

“Jaybird, what’s going on?” Jared knows he can’t fool Chad, but he tries it anyway.

“What do you mean?” He takes a bite from his burger and starts to feel sick immediately. He can’t do this anymore. “Oh Jared. Really? You know that I’ve noticed your weird behavior. You were suspiciously quiet today. You were buzzing with excitement about the wedding the last time we’ve met. Spill it.” He has to tell someone. 

Jared feels like all his blood went to his legs. He feels dizzy and can’t believe what he’s about to say. “I’m not sure if I wanna marry Jensen anymore.” Wow, he actually said it. Chad gasps for air. “Jared, what happened?” Jared shrugs his shoulder. “To be honest, I don’t really know. I woke up from a nap today and was in full panic attack mode. I’m 18 and I’m about to get married in two weeks! What the hell was I thinking when I accepted Jensen’s proposal? I don’t have a degree, I just moved out of my parents house. Chad, he’s my first boyfriend. The first person I’ve ever been with. I can not marry the first person I ever fell in love with. That’s insane!! There’s so much more out there I haven’t discovered or tried yet. How can I marry Jensen and always be like ‘What if…?’. What am I supposed to do?” 

Jared’s elbows are propped on the table and he’s hiding his face in his hands. To his surprise, Chad doesn’t laugh at him, but puts his hand on Jared’s shoulder.

“I get it. What are you gonna do? Postpone the wedding? Break up with him?” Jared looks up. “God, no! I love him. Breaking up is not an option. But I really don’t think I can marry him. At least not in two weeks.” Chad raises his glass “That calls for a boys weekend out of town. We could go to Austin and visit Justin. I’m sure there'll be a college party we can attend to take your mind off of this entire wedding thing. Are you in?” Jared also raises his glass. “That sounds fantastic. Here’s to a boys weekend.” They clink their glasses and Jared already feels a little lighter.

*****

Jensen’s at Steve’s place, so the apartment is empty when they drop off the suits. Jared packs a small bag and leaves a letter for Jensen.

He really hopes he won’t be single after that weekend.

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

  
  


They cut their jam session shorter than they planned because Jensen wants to spend the rest of the night with Jared.

It’s 10pm when he gets home and the apartment is empty. Where’s Jared? He was just supposed to pick up the suits. 

When Jensen enters the living room, he finds the suits on the armchair and a letter on the coffee table.

Oh god, no. An empty apartment and a letter on the coffee table aren’t good signs. He drops his guitar on the armchair and grabs the letter. His heart is racing so fast that all he can hear is the blood rushing in his ears when he opens the letter.

_Dear Jensen,_

_I am sorry that you have to learn about it that way, but I just couldn’t tell you this face to face._

_I want you to know that I love you. Very much. But when I woke up from my nap this afternoon I had a massive panic attack. I’m 18 and we’re about to get married!_

_I don’t think I can do this right now.There’s so much I haven’t seen or done yet._

_I’ll spend the weekend with Chad. We’re out of town. I need some time away from you, from the apartment, from the wedding preparations. I need time to think._

_I hope you’re still there when I get back and we can talk._

_Please don’t call me._

_I love you_

_Your baby boy_

His knees give in and he just sinks down on the coffee table. Jensen knew this would happen. He knew that one day, the age difference would get to them.

But there’s no way he imagined it to happen like that. Two weeks before their wedding. If there will be a wedding after all.

He puts the letter back on the table and puts his shoes and jacket back on. He grabs his bike and just rides and rides for hours. Jensen needs fresh air to think. This just can’t happen. Everything was fine when he left to meet Steve.

Tonight he sleeps on the couch because he can not be in their bed without Jared.

He’s tossing and turning all night until he gives up on sleeping at about 5am. 

Jared has to come back home, back to him.

  
  


**_Jared_ **

  
  


There’s a small party going on at Justin’s place. Boys, girls, music and of course alcohol. Jared doesn’t feel like drinking yet, instead he chats with Justin. He remembers him briefly from high school. They went to the same physics class. 

“What’s that ring on your finger? Are you engaged?” Jared hadn’t realized that he was playing with his engagement ring the entire time. “Oh, that. Yeah. Jensen and I are supposed to get married in two weeks.” Justins face lights up. “Congrats, man! And I had no idea you were also gay. I wish I would be that lucky. But you don’t look very happy. What’s going on?” Jared’s hesitant at first, he doesn’t really know Justin, but it probably doesn’t hurt to talk about it to someone who isn’t involved in the whole thing.

“I think I have a major case of cold feet. I’m 18, I don’t have a degree. He’s the first person I’ve ever been with. I don’t even know if I am strictly gay or if I could also fall in love with a woman. How can I marry the first guy I meet? I’m afraid that I’ll wake up one day and all I can think of is ‘What if’. Any advice on that?”

Justin laughs and hands him a beer. “I see. You have a lot on your plate. And the only advice I can give you - relax and enjoy the evening. You can still get your degree when you’re married. Marriage isn’t the end of all of your dreams!” Justin puts a hand on Jared’s shoulder and smiles whimsically at him. “Have you ever played _Guitar Hero_?” Jared takes a sip from his beer and shakes his head. “Nope. What’s that?” 

They play _Guitar Hero_ for two hours, eat chips and Jared has half a dozen beers. 

Jared’s really enjoying this party. It’s a great way to take his mind off of Jensen and the wedding.

Chad grabs another beer and leaves with his old classmate Jason to have a cigarette on the balcony, when Jared suddenly feels tired. Incredibly tired. Like something sucked the entire energy from his body. “Justin, I need to lay down. I feel weird.” Justin helps him up and leads him from the living room to his bedroom. Jared can barely keep his eyes open, his legs are shaky. When they reach the bedroom, Jared just falls onto the bed, eyes shut and half asleep already. “Sleep tight.” Justin is about to leave the room when Jared grabs his arm. “No. Don’t go. Stay with me. I don’t wanna be alone. Please.” He pulls Justin closer and he ends up laying on the bed with Jared. He cuddles up to Justin, burying his face in the crook of Justin’s neck. “Feels good. I love you, Jensen. Always will.” He places his leg over Justin’s and is fast asleep in seconds. Steady breathing.

Justin just surrenders. There’s no way he can get up again without waking Jared up, so he also closes his eyes and pulls Jared a little closer. He turns his head a bit and whispers into Jared’s hair. “That Jensen is one lucky guy.”

*****

The sun is shining when Jared gradually wakes up. He’s not alone and that’s comforting. He snuggles up a bit closer, opening his eyes. 

The second he realizes where he is and who’s with him, he jumps out of bed.

“Fuck. Oh my god. What did I do?” He’s running his fingers through his hair, squinting his eyes. His head hurts like he hit it on a wall. He remembers drinking beer at the party. Too much he assumes. 

“You need an aspirin?” That’s Justin. The guy he obviously spent the night with.

“I need to know what happened last night! Did we...did we do anything sexual?” Oh god, please say no. Please!

“No, we didn’t.” Justin’s still sitting on the bed and Jared joins him. He lets out a relieved sigh. “Thank god.”

“You got tired and when I brought you here, you didn’t want me to go. You even pulled me into bed with you. You buried your head in my neck and mumbled something about Jensen. So I guess you have the answer to the question whether to marry him or not.” Justin squeezes Jared’s hand. “I guess I do. Thanks for not trying anything weird. And sorry for falling asleep on you.”

“Anytime. Jensen is a lucky guy. Now go and tell him.” That’s when the door opens and Chad comes running into the bedroom.

“Damn, Jared! Tell me you didn’t!” It’s Justin who answers. “No, he didn’t. Now get him back to Jensen so he can fix this.” He gets up to leave the room. “And good luck with the wedding, Jared.” “Thanks, Justin.”

Chad sits down next to Jared and puts an arm around his friend’s shoulders. “You scared the crap out of me when I couldn’t find you after I woke up. What happened?” Jared giggles. “I kinda fell asleep cuddling with Justin and I mumbled Jensen’s name. So there was my chance to try something new and all I could think of was Jensen. I need to get back home and tell him that I will marry him. Let’s go.”

They both get up and grab a cup of coffee before leaving. 

Jared can’t wait to be back home with Jensen.

And Justin is right - marriage is not the end of his dreams, it's actually just the beginning.

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

  
  


Jared’s still not home. Jensen didn’t eat breakfast, he hasn’t had coffee. He’s out in the small backyard, smoking a pack of cigarettes he bought during his nightly bike ride. He pulls out his phone and calls Chris. He needs to tell someone.

_Hey Jenny, what’s up?_

_Jared took off._

_What? What do you mean -- he took off?_

_I came home yesterday night to find a letter on the coffee table. He went out of town with Chad. He thinks he can’t marry me right now._

_Damn, Jenny. I’m sorry to hear that. What happened?_

_I think the age gap finally caught up on us. Everything was fine when I left for Steve’s. He was fine. I...I don’t know what to do, Chris. I almost lost him once. I don’t know if I can handle a second time. I had so many hopes and dreams for us. I wanted to grow old with him._

_I know, I know. Wait till he gets back home and you two have talked. Maybe you can work things out. He might only need some time to think. Lemme know when you two have talked or when you need anything, okay?_

_I will. Thanks Chris._

  
  


He ends the call and realizes that he had already smoked half a pack of cigarettes.

He’s torn between going for a ride and staying home in case Jared comes back.

Jensen’s just closing the backdoor when he hears the door being opened. When he turns around he finds Jared in the corridor and he’s smiling. It’s like an invisible power took control of them and they move towards each other and only stop when they are so close, that their bodies are touching.

“Oh god, Jen. I missed you so much. You have no idea.” Jared just stares into his eyes. “Does that mean you still wanna marry me, baby boy?” Jensen’s heart is racing. There’s only one right answer. Everything else will make his heart shatter into pieces. “Yes, I most definitely still wanna marry you.” That’s it. They cling to each other like their lives depend on it. Showering each other with countless small kisses, they are sinking to the floor, still holding on to each other. “I will never ever let you leave again, Jared Tristan Padalecki.” He holds Jared’s face. “And I will never ever leave you, Jensen Ross Ackles.” 

  
  


**_December 21st_ **

**_Wedding Day_ **

**_Jared_ **

Chad and Jared spent the night at Jared’s and Jensen’s place and Jensen’s with Chris.

Chris will also wed them because they want this to be a very intimate ceremony.

Luckily they were able to please the weather gods and it’s a nice and sunny day. 

Jared can’t stop staring at himself in the mirror. He got a haircut and he’s wearing his wedding suit. Light grey with a white rose as his boutonniere. He looks quite handsome and he can see why Jensen has a hard time keeping his hands to himself.

“Hey, Jaybird. Stop staring at yourself. How are you feeling? Are you nervous?” Chad is tucking at Jared’s suit. “No, I’m surprisingly calm right now. When do we have to leave?” Chad checks the clock on the nightstand. “I’d say now. You never know how bad the traffic is.”

*****

They arrive at Elmendorf Lake Park at 4pm. There’s a white pop up pavilion under “their” oak tree near the water. It’s decorated with all kinds of white flowers, balloons and lights. Jared can see the wedding arch and the chairs for their friends and family. 

They decided to have a small wedding, just their immediate family and closest friends.

Chad’s Jared’s groomsman and since Chris is gonna wed them, Steve will be Jensen’s groomsman. They will arrive right before the wedding, so Jared and Jensen won’t see each other before the ceremony. They walk over to the pavilion to say hi to Jared’s and Jensen’s family and friends. Jared’s mom spots them first and he can see that her eyes are watery. “Oh Jared, my baby. You look stunning! Jensen can consider himself very lucky.” They hug each other and Jared feels a little strange. This is like a final goodbye to his childhood. He didn’t just move out of his childhood home, he’s gonna be a husband in an hour. As grown up as one can be at 18 years old.

Jared and his mum walk over to a smaller pavilion nearby where they wait for the ceremony to start. Since Jensen asked Jared to marry him, his mum will give him away to be Jensen’s husband. Jared’s getting nervous. But it’s a nice feeling.

  
  


**_Jensen_ **

He wants to smoke a cigarette so badly! But he promised Jared to stop for good this time. So he’s at his third pack of gum.

“Jensen. Hurry up. We have to leave in five minutes and we can’t be late!” Steve is calling him from upstairs. Jensen’s in the downstairs studio, working until the last minute.

“I’m almost done. I’ll be right up.” He wants it to be perfect. Jared doesn’t deserve anything less.

  
  


*****

  
  


When they arrive at the park, everyones already there. Megan who comes running at him as soon as she sees him. “Oh my god, Jensen. You look amazing. I have to admit, I’m a little envious of my big brother.” She kisses him on the cheek and walks back to her place.

Five more minutes. Jensen’s palms get sweaty and he’s having another gum. 

Him and Steve walk over to Chris who is already waiting for them. This is it. They are gonna get married today.

The sun is about to set and everyone settles down as the music starts.

  
  


_Some people live for the fortune_

_Some people live just for the fame_

_Some people live for the power, yeah_

_Some people live just to play the game_

_Some people think that the physical things define what's within_

That’s the moment Jared and his mom appear at the entrance of the pavilion.

Jensen puts his hand on his heart and has to take some deep breaths. Jared looks so beautiful. The tiny curls, his rosy cheeks and a smile so big he’s sure Jared’s cheeks hurt.

_And I've been there before,_

_That life's a bore_

_So full of the superficial_

_Some people want it all_

_But I don't want nothing at all_

_If it ain't you, baby_

_If I ain't got you, baby_

_Some people want diamond rings_

_Some just want everything_

_But everything means nothing_

_If I ain't got you, yeah_

Jensen is the luckiest guy in the world to get married to Jared. He’s his everything.

_Some people search for a fountain_

_That promises forever young (you know)_

_Some people need three dozen roses_

_And that's the only way to prove you love them_

_Hand me the world on a silver platter_

_And what good would it be_

_With no one to share_

_With no one who truly cares for me_

_Some people want it all_

_But I don't want nothing at all_

_If it ain't you, baby_

_If I ain't got you, baby_

_Some people want diamond rings_

_Some just want everything_

_But everything means nothing_

_If I ain't got you, you, you_

_Some people want it all_

_But I don't want nothing at all_

_If it ain't you, baby_

_If I ain't got you, baby_

_Some people want diamond rings_

_Some just want everything_

_But everything means nothing_

_If I ain't got you, yeah_

_If I ain't got you with me, baby, oh, ooh_

_Said nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing_

_If I ain't got you with me, baby_

Jared and his mom stop in front of Jensen, Chad, Chris and Steve. The music fades as Chris asks “Who is giving Jared away in marriage to this man?”. Sherrie’s voice shakes when she says “His father and I”. She kisses Jared’s cheeks and puts his hand into Jensen’s. “I love you, sweetheart.” Jared squeezes her hand “I love you too, mom.”

Jared’s finally standing in front of him. It feels like a dream. The most wonderful dream Jensen’s ever had.

Now the actual part begins with Chris’s speech.

_We’re all here today to celebrate the relationship of Jared and Jensen and to be witnesses and supporters of the commitment they share with one another. Together we’re a group of the most important people in their lives and they’ve brought us here to publicly recognize that we’ve all played some special part in the love they share today._

_They’ve chosen this day because it’s winter solstice. It has a deep meaning in history and culture because it is believed that this day is the death and rebirth of the sun._

_Today, the two single individuals Jared and Jensen stop existing and they are reborn as a new unit, as husbands._

_This place where we’re standing right now isn’t just any place. It’s the exact place Jared and Jensen kissed each other for the first time eight months to the day._

_I now would like you to read your vows._

  
  


Jensen spent countless nights writing his vows over and over until he was one-hundred percent satisfied with the result. He knows his vows by heart because he wants to look Jared in the eye when he shares his deepest feelings with Jared. He takes Jared’s hands and can’t help but smile when he looks in the face of his soon to be husband.

_It was a sunny day in April when I got on that bus and there you were. You’ve found me when I had stopped looking._

_You teared down my walls with your trust, love and patience. You turn little everyday things into something special that makes my heart overflow. You are the only thing that’s never too much. I miss you as soon as you leave in the morning. And when you’re lying next to me, I can’t believe just how lucky I am to have you by my side. Eight months full of unexpected love for one person. You are my safe haven. My family. My home. My first and last big love. The rest of my life. And I want the rest of my life to start as soon as possible. I love you Jared._

Jensen wipes a tear from Jared’s face before he puts the ring on his finger. Jensen’s hands are shaking because he can’t believe this is really happening. It feels so right.

Now it’s Jared’s turn and he takes Jensen’s hands.

  
  


_I’m not that good with words, but already said everything I feel about you, us. I’m still so very glad that you caught me staring at you on that bus._

_You mean the world to me. I have this little quote from a Pearl Jam song to show you just how special you are to me._

_And love_

_What a different life_

_Had I not found this love with you_

_I love you, Jensen. Always will._

Chad hands him the ring and he puts it on Jensen’s finger. 

It’s Chris’ turn again to make it official.

_Do you, Jensen Ross Ackles, take Jared to be your lawfully wedded husband?_

_I do._

He looks around and sees Jared’s and his mom reaching across the aisle and squeeze each other’s hand. He’s so glad their families are getting along and accepting and supporting their love for each other. 

_Do you, Jared Tristan Padalecki, take Jensen to be your lawfully wedded husband?_

_I do._

_By the power vested in me I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss each other._

They’re still holding each other’s hand and they close their eyes and share the first kiss as newlyweds. He’s Jared’s and Jared’s his. Forever.

Still holding hands they turn around to look at their families and friends. The smiles on their faces shine brighter as the moon when they raise their arms and just shout “We are married!”. 

Everyone gets up and cheers and claps. They did it. 

Jensen lifts Jared’s hand and kisses his ring. “I love you, _husband._ Forever”

Jared kisses his cheeks, whispering “I love you too, _husband._ Forever and ever,” into Jensen’s ear.

Suddenly they realize that they are surrounded by hundreds of tiny soap bubbles, as they make their way to the reception, their guest following them.

The evening is just about to start.

**_Jared_ **

His face is burning. He’s the happiest man in the entire universe. They are finally married and their journey begins. There will be so many firsts, good and bad, and Jared is relieved that he’ll share these with Jensen.

Jensen leads him to the dancefloor and makes him sit down on a chair that is placed right in the center.

“You stay here, baby boy. I’ve got a surprise for you.” Oh my god. Jensen won’t do a striptease for him in front of their friends and family. “What are you doing, Jensen?” Jensen kisses him on the forehead. “Trust me, you’re gonna love it.”

He’s on his way to the stage before Jared can respond.

The stage is set the same way as it was when they went to see Chris and Steve for the first time. Jensen sits down between his friends and taps the mic. 

“Hey everybody. Thank you all so much for coming and making our special day extra special. We really appreciate all your love and support. Traditionally there are speeches from the groomsmen but we’ve decided to take another route. This is my gift to you, Jared. This is just a little something because there’s no gift that comes close to what you gave me. The moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were the one to change my life. I love you, sweetheart”

Jared’s already feeling tears burning in his eyes. They saved each other with their love when they needed it the most. 

Jensen locks eyes with Jared when he starts singing.

  
  


_Like a montage in a movie, right before the hero dies_

_Like the first time that you listen to your favorite singer live_

_Like an echo in a canyon_

_Like tears, but you're not sad_

_Like a sunrise on a mountain_

_I wanna move you like that_

_Oh, I wanna move you like that (oh, oh)_

_Like a symphony at sundown, in the middle of July_

_When a lyric really gets you and it breaks you down inside_

_Like the home that you were raised in_

_Like faded photographs_

_Like the thrill of Christmas morning_

_Yeah, I wanna move you like that_

_Oh, I wanna move you like that (oh, oh)_

Jared doesn’t know exactly what he’s feeling. It’s like a tsunami of emotions just crashing over him. Jensen is able to look into the deepest corners of his soul.

_Like a solemn Hallelujah_

_Like a choir shouts amen (amen)_

_Like your first time falling in love on a stairway up to heaven_

_Like a soldier who is falling as he holds his country's flag_

_And he fights for freedom's calling_

_I wanna move you like that_

_Oh, I wanna move you like that (oh, oh)_

_I wanna move you like that (oh, oh)_

_Oh, like that, oh (oh, oh)_

_I wanna move you like that (like that)_

_(Oh, oh)_

_(I wanna move you)_

_Like an endless fire burning_

_Like a hope that fuels the light_

_Like the hands that simply hold you, when words can't make it right_

_Like the first time that I met you, I fell so hard, so fast_

_Like that montage in a movie_

_Mmm, the way you move me_

_I wanna move you like that_

Jared’s crying, but those are happy tears. That guy on stage, his husband, pouring out his heart for everyone to hear. He gets up and walks towards the stage when Jensen steps down to the dance floor. Chris and Steve keep playing and Jensen and Jared wrap each other in their arms and start slow dancing. Their first dance as a married couple. Jared’s eyes are closed and he knows Jensen’s are as well. Barely moving they could stay in this hug forever. 

Eventually the music fades and they come back to reality. “I think we should cut the cake and get the party started.” Jared drags Jensen to the buffet with the wedding cake placed in the middle. It’s a three story cake, chocolate with strawberry cream filling and mint frosting. That was one of the easiest decisions for their wedding. On top are mini Jensen and Jared, kissing. Megan and Mackenzie made these from fondant. Their wedding gift to their big brothers.

They feed each other some cake, being careful not to drop cake at each other like they did at the taste testing. After everyone is settled and enjoying their dinner, the two steal a moment and walk over to the water. 

Dozens of water lanterns are floating on the lake, the reflection of the moonshine on its surface. The two of them are alone for the first time today. They stop at the waterside and just look at the beautiful scene for a while, taking it all in. 

Jared takes Jensen’s hand and they turn to face each other.

“Did you really mean it when you said that you knew we’re gonna get married the first time you saw me?” The shadows from the lanterns are dancing on Jensen’s face. “Yes, I did. You turned something on in me when you looked at me with that crooked smile, that I thought was forever lost. That’s when I knew you were the one. And that feeling grew stronger with every minute we spent together. I believe that fate brought us together.”

Jared puts one hand on Jensen’s cheek, kissing him gently. “And I knew you were the one when all the firsts we had didn’t feel weird at all. Everything fell into place and I knew I was finally where I belonged to be.” He puts his hand on Jensen’s heart and his next sentence is barely a whisper. “I am home.”

  


\-------------------------------------- The End -----------------------------------

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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